Monday, January 30, 2012

In Which I'd Buy Stock in These

So there I was, sitting at my desk at work this past Saturday. I wasn't feeling the greatest, and I was trying my best to quell the gas bubbles groaning in my stomach. There were a few close calls but I managed to keep all gas leaks under control until I was safe behind the men's room door. As I was willing myself to keep it together, inspiration struck. That shouldn't surprise you. This isn't the first post inspired by farting, and it likely won't be the last.

I'll forgo the preamble and just get right down to it. As I was promising myself that I would not let a fart slip out at my desk, I told the rogue gas bubble, "You shall not pass!"

Lightbulb.



Here are some others I came up with:





If Mordorant was real, the world would be a better place.

Happy Monday, folks.

Friday, January 27, 2012

In Which I Review a Book

I’m not one to write book reviews. If you ask me for my opinion of any book I’ve read, I’ll do my best to tell you how I feel about it with one caveat: I will be purposefully vague. I feel that a lot of the magic that happens from reading a book is based on how the individual interprets the words. 

If a reader turns to the first page of a book with a preconception of how it will be, they may not be open to accepting (in their own frame of mind) what the author has written. The reader’s resulting thoughts towards the book once they’ve finished it may not be truly organic. That is why I choose to be vague when asked my thoughts on a book, because I want the reader to be able to make up as much of their mind about a book with as little outside influence as possible. Disappointment is a sliding scale, and I don’t want to be responsible for tipping it in either direction. 

With all that being said, I was asked to proffer my opinion of a book, and that is what I will do. I’ve already given you the disclaimer warning you of my intentional separation from detail, so my conscience is clean. I give unto you my thoughts on “Show Me TheFunny: At the Writers’ Table with Hollywood’s Top Comedy Writers,” by Peter Desberg and Jeffrey Davis.

First off, I really like the idea of this book. You take one central premise for a new sitcom, spin it to some of the best comedy writers in Hollywood, and tell them to run with it. How interesting would it be to hear the different takes on the same idea? How much would the show vary with different teams of writers at the helm? What genre or subgenre of comedy would the show cater to? Right off the bat, this book had a lot of potential, and I was eager to read it. After the first six or seven interpretations of the same premise, however, I began to feel bored.

I suppose I should have had the foresight to consider the fact that hearing the same idea rehashed over and over again would get old quickly. This book would have benefitted from reducing number of interviews (there are twenty-two in total). Taken individually, the ideas these writers came up with on the fly were great. It was definitely interesting to see their process unfold, and see how their past experience helped steer them in the direction they chose. String them all together, though, with all the gratuitous tangents and anecdotes of the “back in the day” variety that were thrown in, the book was often difficult to follow and borderline tedious.

While the book was put together very well, I feel that this project would have been better suited for a video documentary. Imagine hearing the writer’s ideas, and then see some of them come to life in short sketches a la SNL? I would watch that all day long. What better way to show the creative process than to see it unfold right in front of you? Reading it on a page only goes so far with a reader’s imagination.

There clearly was a lot of time, effort, and love put into this book. I appreciate it for what it is, and I understand that I am likely not the target audience for it. For those who geek out on the “behind the scenes” stuff and like to know creative minds work would really enjoy it.

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Have a good weekend, everyone.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

In Which I See Myself In Her

As my daughter ages and develops more of her personality, I'm starting to see bits and pieces of myself in her. Most notably (and most awesomely) the ability to fall asleep just about anywhere, just about anytime.



This is my daughter, succumbing to sleep by leaning her face against the edge of the table we were sitting at in a restaurant. She fell completely asleep, and stayed that way for twenty minutes as The Boss and I finished our food. The restaurant was mostly empty and very quiet, and the wait staff thought her naptime position was quite hilarious. 

What a great kid she is.

Monday, January 23, 2012

In Which I'd Get That Checked Out

One of my favorite feelings in this world is when the weather is warm, the sun is shining and I'm driving around with the windows down and the stereo up. I hang my left arm out of the window, feeling the rush of the passing air against my skin. After a few weeks of that, my left arm has gotten more color than my right arm, and I'm left sporting a Road Tan until the weather warms up and my skin returns to its normal pasty white hue.

I'm thinking the person in this picture, though, has something more serious going on. The difference in skin color between her left and right arm is flat out unnatural.



Maybe her right shirt sleeve is too tight? Maybe she had an arm transplant from an albino limb donor? Maybe she ran out of self tanning lotion after giving color to only her left arm? All I know is that the difference in the color between those arms kind of scares me.

Happy Monday, folks.

Friday, January 20, 2012

In Which I Reheat It

(Originally posted here.)

When The Boss and I are on long car rides, we generally talk instead of listening to music. It keeps me more alert, and it keeps The Boss from channel surfing on the radio, trying to find a station that isn't playing a commercial. Earlier this week, while driving the hour-long trip back home from an appointment, The Boss and I got to talking again. 

By some strange evolution of subject matter, we wound up talking about how product development companies often make the strangest foods portable, and give them the strangest names. I mean, Go-Gurt? Who needs to eat yogurt on the run? Was there a large outcry from the general public requiring the need for natural digestive enhancements while commuting to work? I know the product is aimed towards kids, and that is probably the only reason it sells. A product with the consistency of snot would only be consumed by the demographic of people who still routinely excavate their noses and eat their findings, anyways. 

Throughout the rest of the car ride home, The Boss and I came up with some ideas for a new line of portable food items. After reviewing them, though, it became clear that these products probably wouldn't make it past the drawing board. Take a look: 
  • Taco Tubes
  • Chili Bites
  • Fish Mix
  • Soup Roll-Ups
  • Sloppy Go-Joe's
  • Pasta Pockets
  • Pack-A-Rack o' Ribs
  • Clam Chowder Chewies
  • Buffalo-Flavored String Wings 

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to see any of those things individually packaged and for sale as a portable food. Some foods are fine to eat on the go, but some foods shouldn't be messed with. Calling Hot Pockets a pizza product is blasphemy, pure and simple. 

As gross as some of the above items might be if actually produced, it was fun thinking them up. What kind of made-up portable food can you think of?

Have a good weekend, everyone.