In Which I Desire Change

As with every morning, I woke up today confused. Confused by how it could possibly be time to get up. Confused by how old I feel, despite being a few months shy of my twenty-third birthday. Confused by that even with nine hours of sleep, how I can still be so incredibly tired.

I wake up purely and honestly exhausted. It's more than just wanting to stay warm under the covers. It's more than hitting the snooze button a little harder each time it goes off. It's more than a few cups of coffee or an afternoon nap can fix. The exhaustion I feel is a physical thing. I feel it in every joint and every muscle, my body already begging for rest before I even swing my legs out of bed. I can even feel it in my fingers as I type this, struggling to make it through my first day back at work for the week.

Everything seems so fragile today. I feel tears lining my eyes, teetering on edge and ready to cascade down my cheek at a moments notice. I crave sleep like my body craves air when I'm underwater, out of breath and my pulse pounding in my ears.

I have felt this way for so very long.

Today is day 355.