Wednesday, July 9, 2008

In Which I (Almost) Get Into A Fight

***WARNING: I use some potentially offensive words in this post.***

This past Monday, on my way to pick up The Boss from work, I stopped at a grocery store to pick up a few things. As customary for me, I parked at the end of the row in the parking lot, and went inside to do my shopping.

The weather has been very hot and humid here in Maine over the past couple of days, and the air has been very thick and heavy. That said, on my trek back to my truck in the parking lot (about 800 feet up a slight uphill grade) after shopping, I began to breathe a little hard. I passed a car parked in the lot, with a man sitting behind the drivers seat, windows down. I gave him the obligatory male "head nod" acknowledgement.

As I walk nearer towards the car, he says "Having a hard time walking uphill, fatty?"

I stop walking, stunned. Did he just say that? This complete stranger, calling me a fatty? I stood there for a moment, and just looked at him. He sat there and smiled at me smugly. I'm obviously angered by this totally unneeded and offensively rude comment.

"Shut the fuck up, faggot."

At that, Rude Man throws open his car door and walks towards me, incredulous. "What did you just call me?" he yells.

"You heard me damn well. Shut the fuck up and get back in your fucking car." I start walking towards my truck. I'm no more than a few steps past his car when he calls out again.

"Hey!" Rude Man is walking towards me with his hands balled up into fists. He is thin and wiry, and looks like he has been wearing the same clothes for a few days now. "Who you callin' a faggot?" He spits the words out like they left a bad taste in his mouth. He is about five feet away from me when he starts to lift his arm up.

"I'm calling you a faggot. And seriously? Don't even think about it. Just get back in your fucking car." I say to him. With Rude Man still approaching, I drop my groceries on the ground and ready myself for the fight that's about to come. Adrenaline surges through me, and my knuckles crack and pop as my hands form into fists.

"I'm no faggot! Where do you get off callin' me that?" Rude man yells.

"Where do you get off calling me a fatty? Back the FUCK off, man."

We're about three feet away from each other at this point. My heart is rattling in my chest, and I can hear my pulse pounding in my ears. Rude Man plants one foot forward, and leans back with his right arm. I raise my left fist up, and take a full step towards him.

"Get back in your car before you make another mistake." I say through my teeth. "Back. The. Fuck. OFF."

I'm close enough to smell that my suspicions about his clothing had been correct. Staring hard into his beady eyes as they dart back and forth, I see a look of nervous fear creep across his face. I tighten my fists again.

"I'm no faggot," says Rude Man weakly, and takes a few staggering steps back. He lets his hands fall down to his sides. I take a few steps back myself, and Rude Man slowly turns around and walks down the lot towards the store. I wait until he is about thirty feet away before calling him a chickenshit. I wasn't about to let such a pathetic excuse for a human have the last word.

Just like that, the confrontation was over... Almost as soon as it had began. I pick up my strewn groceries and head back warily to my truck, a little shaky from the adrenaline but otherwise no worse for the wear.

And that's the story about how I came this close to being in my first fist fight.

For the record, no exaggeration was used in the re-telling of this story.


Lola said...

Oh, Badass, I'm so proud of you. You performed very well under the pressure if that was about to be your first fight. Good for you for getting in the last word, too. What a turd!

I'm telling you, it's the weather that's making everyone crazy. I almost had to bitchslap someone myself yesterday at CVS.

PS: So glad to see you curse a bit. I was beginning to worry about you (or maybe I was worried about me and my potty mouth.) I'd need a disclaimer at the top of every page.

Badass Geek said...

Lola: I'll admit, things were a little tense for a moment. And I think this guy was a little "touched" before the humidity affected him.

I guess I subconciously leave out swearing in my blog. I curse like a sailor in person.

Sus said...

I totally would have put all my dollars on you.

Badass Geek said...

Sus: Thanks for the vote of confidence! I'm not sure how well I would have done had it actually come to blows.

Shamelessly Sassy said...

I'm proud of you. Also, it's nice to meet you.

Badass Geek said...

Shamelessly Sassy: Thanks! And the pleasure is all mine.

Heather said...

Damn! You shoulda popped the bitch! Right in the nose! Or at least, you coulda said you did. ;)

Forever In School said...

Wow! Do geeks really fight (or are ready to fight) like that? Are you sure you are a geek?

But seriously, be careful! You don't know what they might have in their pockets or what they might have used.

Advice from a geek girl who is terribly scared of physical fights! You might as well ignore it!!!

Badass Geek said...

Heather: If he had thrown the first punch, I totally would have decked 'em. I thought about embellishing the story with a savage left hook, but I didn't want to mislead my readers. =)

FIS: Normal geeks would offer the contents of their pocket protectors and collapse into a fetal position, if confronted with a fight. Now, a Badass Geek would stand strong, maybe quote lines from an epic Star Wars battle to himself, and be ready to respond with a savage left hook if provoked.

moonspun said...

Badass, I don't know exactly what to say about this post to tell you the truth. Good use of the word "fuck" though. A noun, a verb, an adjective! I swear alot in person, but never do it on my blog, either.
Just a small question...why DID you call him a faggot? First thing that came to mind?

Badass Geek said...

Moonspun: I used that word for two reasons. The first being that it was truly the first word that came to mind, and the second reason being that I wanted to call him something that would hurt him as much as his choice of words hurt me. I know how truly offensive the word is, and I honestly don't use that word lightly. Even at the time of the event, I felt horrible saying it. It was hard writing it into this entry, and I contemplated swapping it out, but I don't like having to "clean up" my language here. I'm sorry if it was offensive, but that was not my aim.

moonspun said...

Badass, I don't adore you any less because of the word, though I am glad to hear you know it is offensive. I was curious. It sounds like most people in that situation would have had a visceral reaction and you did. It's normal and human. The name calling on either side wasn't good, but I bet you both learned something. I appreciate your honesty and lack of editing it out.

Badass Geek said...

Moonspun: Phew! I'm glad there are no hard feelings. I did learn from that experience, and I'm pretty sure the other guy did, too.

I_blame _society said...

We appreciate the sincerity. The story was entertaining as it is and it kept me reading it to the end. Nice job.

Badass Geek said...

I Blame Society: Thank you!

A.C. said...

I'm glad you cleared up the "faggot" thing. It was the first post of yours I've ever read and the use of the word "faggot" kinda turned me off, even though I really enjoy what you write. I have a gay father and a gay brother and I'm particularly sensitive to the use of the word.

Anyway, I had to come back to find out and I hearing that using the word made you feel bad made me feel like I want to read your blog regularly.

Also, I appreciate that you didn't censor yourself.


Can't believe the guy called you "fatty." What a dick.

Badass Geek said...

A.C.: You know, I was worried that I would lose readers by using "That Word", but I went with it because I'm strongly against censorship. Ironicly, I too have a gay relative... So I know that I'd be hurting people I care about if I used That Word loosely. It is highly offensive, and I probably won't use it again in my writing here.

I'm glad you came back, and I do hope you read regularly. =)

Mystern said...

Wow. You know, I had anger issues way back in high school, but I've never been in a real fight. The only exception being the fistfights my brother (who still has anger issues) and I used to engage in. I do find it impressive that you stood up for yourself. I've become the kind of person who would shrug off such an incident.

Post a Comment