I stumble over my words, and even when I manage to pronounce my words clearly, it doesn't always make the most sense. I trip on my own feet at least once every fifteen paces, and I've been known to forget to zip up my fly. I don't realize that wearing a brown shirt and brown shorts together would probably make me look like a giant, walking (albeit clumsily) turd. Even on days when I seem to have most of my metaphorical shit together, I'll still come out with a brilliant statement such as, "Wow. Wal*Mart has a lot of shopping carts".
Lucky for me, I don't care much about any of this. I carry on in my life in a semi-permanent state of ignorant bliss. With all that said, I've seem to be afflicted by a rash of stupidity so severe, that I'm not entirely sure what to do. I thought it would go away after a few days, but its still present, and I'm beginning to get concerned. Here's why:
STUPID THINGS I'VE DONE SINCE MONDAY:
- Asked for a quarter of a half-pound of smoked ham at the deli counter.
- Put three letters in the mail without putting stamps on them, before getting in line to purchase stamps at the Post Office.
- In reply to a cashier's statement of "Its pretty hot out there, huh?", I reply "No, its not that bad", and proceed to wipe away the river of sweat coursing down my face.
- Completely forgetting to put on underwear before leaving the house.
- Announced myself as a "mouth breather" instead of an "operator" with a customer at work, because I was reading something online while talking.
- After noticing the rancid smell coming from the milk carton, deciding that it was still okay to drink from it. And then swallowing the mouthful of chunky milk instead of spitting it out.
I know these events aren't overly concerning, but I'm not normally so dense. Why deny the temperature outside when its obvious I'm sweating profusely? How could I possibly forget to put on underwear, when I've done it every single day for almost my entire life? Why ask for such a foolish measurement of deli meat when there is a much simpler way of asking for it? And why, Dear God why, did I think it would be okay to drink milk that smelled and looked like maggot soup? I've brushed my teeth six times, and I'm still having to ward off the bad taste with breath mints.
I hope this doesn't continue much further. I've been overloading myself on Sudoku puzzles to try to get my brain back in gear. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.
Has anyone else done something stupid this week? If so, tell me about it. Misery loves company.