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Heather asks: ...How big that morning wood really is(?).
Heather, for the answer to your question, please refer to the following image:
I think that should suffice.
Moonspun asks: Have you ever had sex outside?
The plain and simple answer is, sadly, no. The Boss and I went camping on our honeymoon, and there was, of course, plans of sex outdoors and/or in the lake. Alas, the campground was overrun by little children, including a rather large family that was set up right next to our site, that pretty much ruined any hopes of some action.
Lil Sass asks: Have you ever been caught having sex?
The answer to this question is also no. There were a few times where The Boss and I were interrupted during some pre-sex make-out sessions, either by our roommate or by our landlord. I would never attempt to engage in that activity unless I knew I wouldn't get caught. I guess I am not a thrill seeker.
Lola asks: Just how many times have you measured "the wood"? What's your favorite position?
I can count on one hand the number of times I've measured My Crotch Friend. I remember "sizing up" a few times late in my high school years, but since I've been "active" (so to speak), I haven't felt the need to break out the ruler. My favorite position would definitely be girl-on-top. For a strictly selfish reason that the visuals provided with that position are simply amazing.
Employee No 3699 asks: Hold old were you when you lost your virginity? Does your cat watch you? Have you ever done it with just your socks on?
I was 18 and a freshman in college when I lost my virginity. I will add that I was newly 18, because I think that had something to do with the timing of it. The cat we have now doesn't watch, but The Boss and I used to have a cat that would scratch and yowl at the bedroom door, wanting to come in and watch whenever The Boss and I were feeling amorous. It got to a point where we'd have to lock the cat in the bathroom, "do what we needed to do", and then let him out again. He always seemed a little disappointed. For your last question, no. I've had sex in various stages of being undressed, but never with just my socks on.
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There were a couple of questions I was surprised I didn't get asked, but I am done with the dirty questions. This post is enough to prevent me from looking my parents in the eye for the rest of my life, should my parents ever find it. Hope this satisfied your "need to know".
I feel dirty now. I'm going to go shower.
13 Comments:
Funnier and funnier....and where DID you manage to dig up that incredible diagram?
BAG, you honestly haven't lived until you've done it outside. Thanks for helping me to relive those memories!
I am sooo impressed with your wood! Very nicely done, Badass. Have you learned your lesson now about having us ask questions?
No Comment!
Scatterbrain: I actually came up with the diagram myself. I wanted to make sure I gave myself full credit.
Lola: I have indeed learned my lesson. No more questions from me for a while!
FIS: I'm confused. You left a comment stating "No Comment!"... Is that kind of like a double negative?
Thank you. Inquiring minds wanted to know and now we do...maybe too much.
Now go take that shower and please use a loofa...
=D
Way to parry.
You're from Maine, how have you NEVER had sex with just your socks on? Srsly??? I used to kid my ex about it all the time but when you're cold and still wanna get nekkid, it's the best compromise.
LOVE the diagram! LOVE it! Very cute. Honestly, you can feel dirty, but in my scope of experience (ok, what I've heard others do) the questions you were asked is pretty benign.
Hot hubby and I were walking around Walden Pond yesterday reminiscing about two years ago when we went to a local beach in Vermont and did it in the water. No one saw, but if they did, well they'd just see us hugging intensely! :-)
Employee No 3699: I was wondering if I crossed the line... But if I did, oh well. It's harmless (for me, anyways).
Heather: Why, thank you. =)
Lil Sass: I'm not much of a wearing-socks-in-bed kind of person.
Moonspun: I only feel a little dirty, and only for the diagram.
I'm such a geek. I totally had to calculate the circumferece of the wood myself, just to make sure it was right.
Dork.
My not-sick cat, EM, has to be locked in the room when AJ and I are doin' it, otherwise she scratches at the door to get in and totally destroys the mood.
Our cats could care less one way or another. I do enjoy the look that damn dog gives us afterwards. Like a 'huh, you did that again? Sounds interesting.'
Good lord, badass, I dont' visit for a while and I come back to dimmed lights and barry white playing!@
Too funny. I've done it with just socks on..I'm pretty sure my hubby has too ;)
AC: I believe I did the math correctly, right?
Moonspun: Dog's are smart. They know enough to know whats going on.
That Girl: I just like to set the mood every and show my appreciation every now and then.
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