THINGS I WISH I KNEW
- I wish I knew that I was going to have a cute female nurse do the prep work for my hernia exam, so I wouldn't be standing there, boxers around my ankles with a half-boner, when two male doctors walk in.
- I wish I knew that my new khaki shorts clearly showed the presence of the slightest amount of sweat prior to wearing them to work and spending six hours mowing the lawn, so it wouldn't look like I crapped AND pissed myself for the rest of my shift.
- I wish I knew that the bathroom window shade was wide open before standing naked at the sink for ten minutes shaving my face after getting out of the shower, so I wouldn't turn around to see my 87-year-old female neighbor sitting on her porch watching me.
- I wish I knew that I had the world's largest pimple on my upper lip prior to trying to impress the girl I had a crush on at band practice when I was a freshman in high school.
- I wish I knew that there was someone walking behind me in the parking lot of the grocery store before I released the longest, loudest, and possibly smelliest fart of my life.
Please tell me I'm not the only one. Has anyone else wished they had known something that could have saved them embarrassment and years of anguish?
(Oh, and happy Friday, everyone! Enjoy your weekend!)