"That part never gets old, does it?" she asked me.
"No, it never does," I replied, wiping tears from my eyes.
That got me thinking about other things that I get a kick out of that never seem to get old or tiresome. Here are just a few that I came up with...
THINGS THAT WILL NEVER GET OLD:
- Watching people make fools of themselves on reality television challenges.
- Telling people that I'm five feet, twelve inches tall to see if they catch on.
- Seeing the blank look on a child's face when you crack a joke that they don't understand.
- Seeing the blank look on The Boss' face when I crack a joke that she doesn't understand.
- Saying "Oh, it must be free, then." when the cashier has trouble scanning an item at the grocery store, because I knew how much I hated hearing that over and over again when I was a cashier.
- Any and all of the widely varying sounds a fart can make, especially when made underwater, in an empty aisle in large department stores, or in bed just before falling asleep.
- Burping loudly after chugging a large amount of soda.
- Telling a waiter/waitress that I want a fresh glass of water without lemon.
- Making overly sarcastic statements in a non-sarcastic voice simply to cause confusion.
- Leaving a tip totaling $0.02 after getting poor service at a restaurant, and hoping the incompetent waiter/waitress notices my passive agressive message.
Basically, I enjoy being a dick sometimes. Everyone complains about all the asshole's they have to deal with on a daily basis, but there are times where I feel it is okay to be The Asshole in the situation.
Am I the only one that feels this way?
P.S. I have not been outwardly patriotic in my writing in this blog, but today is different. Today is September 11th, the anniversary of the terrorist attacks and the massive loss of lives that happened in 2001. Whether you knew anyone that died because of those events or not, please take a moment to remember them.
12 Comments:
so what was the cult movie you were watching? Sixteen candles, wedding crashers, Napoleon Dynamite, huh? huh? One of our favorites, although not funny is Shawshank Redemption (cable runs it every Sunday it seems!)
Always enjoy reading your posts!
Great post. I feel that way about A Fish Called Wanda, one of my all time favorite movies!
I am totally with you on the farts. They are funny, plain and simple!
Yes. You are. I would never dream of being the asshole.
Hold please, I have to wipe the sarcasm off my keyboard.
My husband and I watched an old favorite last night, as well. My husband laughed harder at me cracking up, than at the actual movie! Wouldn't it be hilarious if we had watched the same thing!?
There are times in life where you just have to be a dick! One of my favorite things to do is make the bitch in the local deli talk to me.
She obviously hates me for some unknown reason, so I always walk up with a big smile, ask her how she's doing, compliment her hair or blouse, tell her to have a nice day and whatever else I can come up with. Since her boss, who loves me, is standing across the room, she has to respond. It KILLS her!
I always wink at the owner when I'm leaving, and he gives me a big smile. I do the same thing to the bitch at the bank. Puts a little skip in my step!
Each time I had to sit through “The Incredible Hulk” with my son, I’d always hope his pants would come off as well.
My husband never gets tired of farting hugely in bed, then pinning the bedclothes over my head so I have to breath it in – we call it a “Dutch Oven”.
Oh and a wink to Lola (excuse me Badass please) I'll be trying that "Richard" thing on my son...probably today.
Ooops! Of course, I meant, I’d always hope THE HULK'S pants would come off as well. Sigh!
Sometimes you have to pull the bitch out! I LOVE making mean people talk to me. I try to be nice to everyone, but if someone is consistantly rude I make it point to be super nice. It had more of an affect than being rude right back. They get pissed off because they can't get to you. Kill 'em with kindness.
My fav stupid movie (not an old one) is "Super Troopers". It's really dumb, but I almost wet my pants in the first 5 minutes it's that funny. Very crude, but funny.
Being a bitch is great fun. One of my favorite past times.
Tami: We were watching "The 40-Year-Old Virgin". It really isn't that old, but it is one of my favorites. Thanks for commenting! Where do you blog?
Moonspun: Farts are the BEST!
Sus: Did you manage to get all that sarcasm cleaned up? I've heard it can be a royal pain the in ass.
Lola: Being passive agresssive is one of lifes un-sung pleasures.
Scatterbrain: My wife just about KILLS me with her Dutch Oven's. They are BAD.
Cape Cod Gal: You know? I've never seen "Super Troopers". I'm adding it to my Netflix que right now.
Aunt Becky: Is it only a pastime? ;)
It's okay to be an assohole...as long as you're not the whole ass.
I love working with people, but one of the things I haven't missed since quitting my job is....the people. =P Most of them are ok, but it just takes one asswipe to ruin your entire day. And no, not the ones who say "oh it must be free" I mean the ones who throw their effing coke on you because their hamburger didn't have enough mayo on it.
Employee No 3699: Good point. I have noticed a difference in her mood when The Boss calls me an asshole (jokingly) and an ass (not jokingly).
Heather: Wow. I would have choked the bastard with the fucking mayo.
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