In Which I Show No Mercy

I know, I know. I'm posting twice in the same day. Think of it as a "two-for-one" special. I was going to post this tomorrow, but then I realized that tomorrow is Halloween. Thus, I'm posting this one today, and writing something special for Halloween.

I've written a couple of posts like this one before, (go here, here, or here if you'd like to read them), but Employee No 3699's recent post inspired me to write another one. With today being kinda gloomy (weather-wise), I decided it would probably be better to make fun of people for their ridiculous search terms instead of going ahead with the post I had originally lined up for today, which had a lot to do about gun ownership. At any rate, I bring to you the latest batch of interesting search terms from Google that have brought people to my blog.

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"are boy scouts badass"
You seem to me like a fairly gullible person, since you've turned to an Internet search engine to learn if your role in the Scouts makes you cool. With that said, to answer your question simply, yes. Boy Scouts are decidedly badass. In fact, I would suggest maybe wearing your uniform to school, polishing up those pins you've earned, and talking incessantly about your desire to become an Eagle Scout. Everyone loves an over-achiever.

"badass personality"
If you have to ask about it, you don't have it. To be badass is to just know that you are. The moment you doubt yourself or have to research how to become badass, you've only set yourself a couple of steps back in the opposite direction. Take a hint and go back to your Star Trek forum.

"I feel really sick and I ate a lot of junk and food but I'm not vomiting"
Hello, there. Yes, you, the one under that rock. Welcome to the realm of the semi-cognitive. Ever heard of WebMD? That little-known website that lets you check symptoms and offers treatment suggestions? Apparently not.

"sitting in a dark room constantly thinking I'm seeing wisps of smoke in front of my face"
Hmm. Okay. Just in case you were wondering about the timing of it all, now would be a good time to check yourself into some form of drug rehab.

"talks on personal hygiene"
This one just frightens me. If you're smart enough to spell hygiene correctly, shouldn't you know that the foul odor you keep smelling is yourself? We're in the year 2008, man. Soap has been around for quite a while. Deodorant and toothpaste aren't new concepts, either. Unless you're doing research for the obese guy at the office who clearly doesn't spend a dime of his paycheck on Old Spice, take a trip to your local Wal-Mart and browse the personal care aisles for a few minutes. You'll see what the buzz is all about.

"uniformed adult scout leaders are creepy"
Amen, brother. Amen.

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In addition to these wonderful and insightful search terms, I've had quite a few hits from people who searched for "badass pumpkin carving", "dreaming of smoking cigars", "badass dorm room", and "kitchen appliances". I'm not entirely sure how that last one brought someone by my page, but in this crazy, mixed-up world we live in, I suppose anything is possible.