Today has not been the best of days for my testicles.
I never thought I'd say that phrase ever again, after an unfortunate incident I had with an end table and a slippery floor, but it seems Fate has Her mind set on causing me pain today.
It all started this morning, shortly after waking up for the day. Still groggy, I attempted to put on a pair of pants in my mostly-dark bedroom. I put one foot most of the way though the pant leg and inadvertently pinned the rest of the pant leg to the floor. Not realizing this, I pulled up on the waistband of the pants, expecting to pull them up the rest of the way. My weakened-by-sleep grip slipped off of the waistband, and continuing on its upward trajectory, landed squarely (and with an alarming amount of force) on my nutsack.
Nothing like a self-inflicted punch to the nuts to wake you up in the morning.
(Not that I'd recommend it over a cup of Folgers, though. You can't exactly continue on with your morning routine when you are doubled over on the floor, holding your crotch and moaning in pain.)
The throbbing sac-pain eventually subsided enough for me to get some breakfast and watch the morning news. Once The Boss left for work, thus rendering the bathroom free for use, I hopped in the shower. I found out quickly that there wasn't much hot water left after The Boss' 15-minute so-hot-it-steams-off-the-wallpaper shower, so I quickly cleaned up and made sure all the essential parts were washed. Afterwards, I grabbed my towel off the rack to dry off.
It was business as usual at first, until I went to dry off the Twins. The towel I was using still had the large "washing instructions" tag on it, and in my haste to get dry from the cold shower, I accidentally scraped the tag lengthwise against the Family Jewels. I winced and let out a brief cry of pain before dropping my towel and, for the second time in the same day, reached down and held my balls. I drew my hands back after a moment or two and noticed that there was some blood on them.
That's right, folks.
The tag from the towel gave me a slight papercut on the ol' Potato Sack. It didn't bleed much, but still... I got a papercut on my fucking balls.
The pain from both incidents have subsided for the most part. The cut hurts a little still, and because I don't want an infection down there, I'm going to have to have The Boss help me clean it when she gets home from work. Let me tell you how much I'm looking forward to that experience. It'll be one for the books, that's for damn sure.
I'm kind of scared to see what the rest of the day will hold for me and my anatomy. It's not even noontime yet and I've already had two injuries to 'em.
How's your day going?