Wednesday, November 12, 2008

In Which I Confess

I have a confession to make.

I have a crush on someone. Three people actually.

It's a harmless crush, really. I'll never act on it because I'll never meet the people I'm smitten with face to face. You see, the women in question work for a local news station, and I'm in love with their broadcasts.

I tell The Boss that I watch this one channel over the others in the area because they have the most attractive newscasters, and she thinks it's an awfully funny joke. Don't tell her this, but there is more truth in that statement than I let on.

Take a look for yourself:

Oh, Kiley Bennett. How you make my knees weak with that smile, and how you distract my eyes with those low-cut blouses. You recently came back to the news desk after being out on maternity leave. How I missed you! It seems that you change your hairstyle every month, but I don't care. I'll still watch in rapt attention as you tell me about the car accident on the highway, or about the latest state legislature scandal.

When it comes to viewers, I'm your number one fan, Sarah Long. I'm not sure what exactly it was, but the second I first saw you when you stepped in front of that weather map... All I can say is that you had me at "Here's your extended weekend forecast". Of course, part of the attraction lies with your fair skin, those beautiful eyes (are they green? blue?), and an amazing rack that is almost too big for television.

Don't think I had forgotten about you, Diana Ichton. You are one of the newer members to the station, but you quickly grabbed my attention. I'm a sucker for brunettes with long hair, and that dazzling smile proved to be the knockout punch. Sure, there are times when you look like you just finished smoking a bowl in the news van, and I've seen you mess up during a live report more times than President Bush has mispronounced the word "nuclear", but that doesn't matter to me. I'll still gladly watch.


Call me a pig for objectifying these women if you must, but is it wrong to appreciate an attractive woman? Before anyone gets all huffy, I'm also appreciative of what they do, and the hard work it must have taken for these talented women to get to where they are today.

And for the record, I don't watch their channel only because these hot ladies give me the news and weather. I watch it because I prefer their style and means of presenting the news over the other stations and newscasters in the area.

Getting to stare shamelessly at them while doing so is just an added benefit.


Russ said...

Don't worry, it's one of the reasons they got their job to begin with. Just like dentists hire pretty hygienists, it doesn't hurt as bad when a pretty woman does it.

Cape Cod Gal said...

Have you ever watched the naked newcasts? I can't remember which channel they're on but they're HOT!! Hey, at least you're getting your news!

Pamela said...

Well, they knew they were going to find stalkers when they went into the biz, so I say:

A great big whatever, good buddy.

Heather said...

Ok, I will admit I prefer a particular news station over the rest because of the weatherman. But not for the reason you think.

Moonspun said...

If you like their 'racks' and their style and you actually listen to the news they give, then more power to you!
Of course I am wondering if any of them resemble The Boss in any way.

Sus said...

I think this is a fair post. Especially after all the lusty ones written, by women, about Rahm Emanuel :).

Badass Geek said...

Russ: So true.

Cape Cod Gal: I've seen the Naked News before, yes. It's probably a good thing I don't get that channel, otherwise I'd never get anything done.

Pamela: Sweet. I'm a stalker.

Heather: So if not for that reason, why him over the others?

Moonspun: There are some times when it's harder to pay attention than others, but I get the gist of it. And to answer your question, no, The Boss doesn't look at all like them. I'll see if she'll let me post a picture of her here.

Badass Geek said...

Sus: True enough!

Employee No. 3699 said...

Call me a pig for objectifying certain actors, Oink, oink.

Daddy Files said...

Ummm, I have to say it...

The problem isn't that you're objectifying women. I mean after all, isn't that what they're for? (I keeeeed, I keeeeed!)

The problem is that with the exception of the first chick, the other two are ugly! They look pretty weathered dude. I know it's Maine but there's gotta be hotter newscasters than that!!

Lola said...

Pig! Hehehe. You should see the racks on the Boston Channels. We've got two of the chestiest weather girls in the world.

It doesn't bother me one bit, my friend. As long as they can pronounce things correctly and report the news in a non-biased way, pretty people work for me.

Badass Geek said...

Employee No 3699: We're all pigs about something, right?

Daddy Files: You know, their pictures aren't the most flattering. If you saw them on TV, you'd see where I'm coming from. And sadly, these are about as hot as the newscasters come by up here.

Lola: I've seen some Boston news channels, and I whenever I'm in the city I always make sure to catch a weather report just so I can catch a glimpse of those beauties.

Aunt Becky said...


My crushes are always even less appropriate. Like, they're on UGLY people.

*ahem* Vincent D'Onofrio *ahem*

Miss Grace said...

Our local news team is TOTALLY not that hot.

Although we did used to have Craig Kilborne for our sports guy. Then he got famous or whatever.

splodge said...

You're so baaad Badass! No, you're just normal - everyone drools over someone on t.v.

Wish we had some tasty male news readers here.

What's wrong with Vincent D'Onofrio Aunt Becky? I wouldn't call him ugly. He's got soulful eyes..mmmh!

Suddenly my Open ID is wrong? Hmm!

x said...

Best Badass Post. Ever.

Dude, she looks like she smoked a bowl in the news van before she took that picture. But, she's by far the hottest. Said the brunette with long hair.

Jen W said...

"you had me at 'Here's your extended weekend forecast' "


If it makes you feel any better, I have a major crush on Tom Brokaw. I think it's his voice.

enthalpymama said...

Hmm. I think if your knees don't go weak every now and then something is probably wrong with you. I remember once when I was in Japan I was out with a bunch of Japanese women who decided to rank which men in our office were the, well, most attractive. I was actually shocked at the ones THEY picked over the one I thought was the best looking. It was so different!!

Anyway, I find your picks very interesting . . . . thanks for sharing.

Badass Geek said...

Aunt Becky: D'Onofiro? Really?

Miss Grace: There are some real dogs on the other stations in the area. UG-LY. Woof.

Splodge: Yeah, I just found out that Scarlett Johannson got married in September. I guess that means she didn't get my fan letter.

SWAX: She probably did. She has reported on big drug busts before, so that might explain it.

Jen W: How about the guy who spoofed Brokaw on SNL? He did a pretty good job.

Enthalpy Mama: Out of all the ones here, I would pick the blonde first. I guess the old saying is true, that gentleman prefer blondes.

Heather said...

I know it sounds weird, but he's missing part of a finger. I am fascinated by it.

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