Wednesday, November 26, 2008

In Which I Expose Myself, Again

I walked into the men’s public bathroom,
to relieve an urge I could not abate.
I strode urgently towards a urinal,
unzipping, to urinate.

The faint smell of cleaner was in the air,
Crumpled paper towels lay on the floor.
An unfortunate sniff indicated the odor
coming from the man in the stall next-door.

With my zipper undone and my fly wide open
I released my bladder’s tight grip.
Another crisis avoided, I thought to myself
as I felt my pants begin to slip.

My favorite jeans, loose and comfy,
quickly fell to a pile on the floor.
I hurriedly tried to finish my business,
while keeping an eye on the door.

The flow from my bladder was endless it seemed,
and although it seems needless to say,
I was eternally grateful that I had decided
to not go commando that day.

The stream had finally stopped
after a few moments that felt eternal.
I quickly tucked myself back in
and stepped away from the urinal.

I hurriedly picked up my pants,
pulling them up to my waist.
I grabbed my belt and cinched it tight,
Almost forgetting to zip up in my haste.

I was zipped and buckled and buttoned up,
my bottom half was exposed no more.
I began to wash up at the sink
when another patron opened the door.

I nodded a brief “hello” to him
as he headed towards a stall,
and with a heavy sigh of relief, thought
Damn, that was a close call.


I won't be posting tomorrow, due to the fact that it is Thanksgiving and all. I'm setting out to not over-eat this year, but I'm pretty sure that the moment I smell all the glorious, wonderful food cooking, I'll throw that resolution out the window.

I hope everyone has a happy and safe holiday!


Cape Cod Gal said...

Okay....George Michael...LOL!

Have a great Turkey Day as well!!!!

Jen W said...

Love the poetic nature of this post. Have a great turkey day.

Aunt Becky said...

It brought a tear to my eye.

*sniff, sniff*

splodge said...

Clever and funny - thanks for sharing!!!

Enjoy the festivities.

Employee No. 3699 said...

So you sometimes go commando?

Hope you and The Boss have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!

Miss Grace said...

I was really hoping for a catastrophic ending.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tony said...

that was really funny - dude, I go commando all the time - maybe that's too much info to share here?

Badass Geek said...

Cape Cod Gal: I was wondering if anyone would say that... Happy Gobble!

Jen W: The poetic nature loves you, too.

Aunt Becky: I knew it would, you ol' sap, you.

Splodge: Hope you have a great day!

Employee No 3699: No, I never go commando... Except for that one time I forgot to put on underwear.

Miss Grace: Sorry to dissapoint... Maybe next time, though.

Tony: Yeah, that's just a little bit too much. Oh, well.

Moonspun said...

Oh my goodness. I honestly am not sure what to say about this...

Badass Geek said...

Moonspun: It was an accident... I wasn't indecent, but just standing there in my boxers... Awkward, for sure.

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