THE BADASS GEEK GUIDE TO SAVING MONEY...
... on Groceries:
- No longer purchase brand-name products, as store-brands often offers the same quality at a lower price.
- Sunflower seeds from the bird feeder can be a healthy alternative to pricey snack foods.
- Complete your grocery shopping at the store's busiest time, and place the more expensive items on the rack underneath your cart's basket in hopes that those items will be unnoticed as you pass through the checkout line.
- Save money on prescription antibiotics by purchasing old breads at the Bakery clearance section.
- Although cutting them out can cause serious health risks from paper cuts, coupons can help save money on select essential items.
... on Household and Living Expenses:
- Laundry washing can be reduced by wearing certain items of clothing (jeans, sweatshirts, etc) numerous times, to save on detergent and energy to run the machines.
- Switch from crumpling to folding your toilet paper when using it, to maximize the surface area available for cleaning. Also, carefully consider how much each square of toilet paper is needed before using.
- Tissues can be used for more than one nose-blowing occurrence, unless the dreaded "blow-out" occurs, or if there is an unexpected abundance of nasal discharge.
- Save money on your electricity bill by installing generators run by steroid-injected hamster's on exercise wheels. Be sure to keep oil on hand for when the wheel gets squeaky.
- Take advantage of natural human methane gas production for heating up your bedroom on cold winter nights.
... on Items of Comfort:
- High jack your neighbor's cable TV and/or Internet service.
- For local telephone calls, use high-quality tin cans and 100% cotton string.
- Borrow your neighbor's Netflix DVD's after he puts them in his mailbox for return.
- For those interested in adult entertainment, a pair of binoculars can be used to watch the amorous couple across the street. Binoculars are cheaper, discreet, and more versatile than subscriptions to online pornography sites.
... and Other Things:
- Save on gasoline by hitchhiking as much as possible.
- Empty soda/beer cans can be returned to retrieve their $0.05 deposit, instead of being crushed against one's forehead in displays of superior physical strength.
- Check the Lost and Found bin at your place of work, for items that you could possibly sell for profit on eBay.
- Keep a weather eye on the sidewalk and rain gutters for coins and other items of value that may have been dropped.
Please feel free to add your helpful money-saving suggestions by leaving a comment!