Monday, December 22, 2008

In Which I Change My Ways

I'm not upset to the point of throwing shoes, but the problems with the economy definitely are worrisome. We've made some changes around the Badass Geek household, but nothing really too drastic other than the tightening of belts and the pinching of pennies. And while there are plenty of (more reliable) information resources available for those looking to change their spending habits, I figured I'd make a few suggestions...

THE BADASS GEEK GUIDE TO SAVING MONEY...

... on Groceries:
  • No longer purchase brand-name products, as store-brands often offers the same quality at a lower price.
  • Sunflower seeds from the bird feeder can be a healthy alternative to pricey snack foods.
  • Complete your grocery shopping at the store's busiest time, and place the more expensive items on the rack underneath your cart's basket in hopes that those items will be unnoticed as you pass through the checkout line.
  • Save money on prescription antibiotics by purchasing old breads at the Bakery clearance section.
  • Although cutting them out can cause serious health risks from paper cuts, coupons can help save money on select essential items.

... on Household and Living Expenses:

  • Laundry washing can be reduced by wearing certain items of clothing (jeans, sweatshirts, etc) numerous times, to save on detergent and energy to run the machines.
  • Switch from crumpling to folding your toilet paper when using it, to maximize the surface area available for cleaning. Also, carefully consider how much each square of toilet paper is needed before using.
  • Tissues can be used for more than one nose-blowing occurrence, unless the dreaded "blow-out" occurs, or if there is an unexpected abundance of nasal discharge.
  • Save money on your electricity bill by installing generators run by steroid-injected hamster's on exercise wheels. Be sure to keep oil on hand for when the wheel gets squeaky.
  • Take advantage of natural human methane gas production for heating up your bedroom on cold winter nights.

... on Items of Comfort:

  • High jack your neighbor's cable TV and/or Internet service.
  • For local telephone calls, use high-quality tin cans and 100% cotton string.
  • Borrow your neighbor's Netflix DVD's after he puts them in his mailbox for return.
  • For those interested in adult entertainment, a pair of binoculars can be used to watch the amorous couple across the street. Binoculars are cheaper, discreet, and more versatile than subscriptions to online pornography sites.

... and Other Things:

  • Save on gasoline by hitchhiking as much as possible.
  • Empty soda/beer cans can be returned to retrieve their $0.05 deposit, instead of being crushed against one's forehead in displays of superior physical strength.
  • Check the Lost and Found bin at your place of work, for items that you could possibly sell for profit on eBay.
  • Keep a weather eye on the sidewalk and rain gutters for coins and other items of value that may have been dropped.

Please feel free to add your helpful money-saving suggestions by leaving a comment!

14 Comments:

Jen W said...

Just make sure to stay away from open flames when using the methane gas.

Sus said...

Snacking on things while browsing through the grocery store is also a cheap way to eat...if you catch my drift.

areason2write said...

if you shop at Costco, they will feed you lunch while you shop and you might be able to catch your favorite movie on the big screen tv - it's a 2-fer

splodge said...

OMG Badass! We've all enjoyed your helpful advice in this house, even some friends who are came over!

If I may add one, it's have a bath or shower with a friend.

Heather said...

Why even BUY toilet paper to begin with? You can use old t-shirts cut up into small rags, keep them in a basket near the toilet, and then wash them, a la cloth diaper style. And you ladies should make your own cloth sanitary products. Same goes for Kleenex, my dad and his dad always used cloth hankies. Use rags to clean with as well instead of disposable paper towels or Clorox wipes.

Cape Cod Gal said...

If you need adult entertainment we could do a porn swap! It's like renting, but free!

Miss Grace said...

You forgot tapping your neighbors' wireless internet.

emzeegee & the hungry three said...

What about turning your undies inside out so you get more wears out of them? Just keep turning and turning to get the 'fresher' side.

Surreptitiously eat other people's lunches out of your work fridge, and then work on perfecting that look of "Who, me?" innocence...

Complain to a whole bunch of food companies about their products so that they send you replacements or coupons in the mail...

Tony said...

here's another one on using coupons - take a whole stack of coupons and put the $1 ones in back then crumble them into a ball and hand them to cashier after she rings up your order "Oh, I'm sorry I forgot to give you my coupons" more times than not she'll forget what you bought and by the time she gets tired of looking or trying to remember she'll ring up the $1 ones - hey, I used to work in a grocery store - ha!

Lola said...

Hmmm...

I've got nothing except going to wine tastings for a nice free buzz, which leads to sex, so you can keep the heat turned down.

Moonspun said...

Great list!
In a moment of seriousness, the store brands are usually made by major brands. I know this from 15 years in the grocery business. There's big money usually in private labeling for a food company.
I save energy at night by sleeping next to a marathon runner. His metabolism makes him as hot as a burning log!

Anonymous said...

As far as laundry goes, I'm thankful to have kids that don't get smelly when they sweat. I just hang those clothes right back up from the hamper.

Kat said...

In an effort to conserve water I vow to take more showers with the man.

Badass Geek said...

Jen W: Well, methane gas can be a good fire-starter if you're out of kindling.

Sus: Heck, yeah! That's how I stop my craving of grapes... I just spend a long time in the store, eating them so I don't have to pay for 'em.

A Reason 2 Write: That sounds like a good plan, except there are no Costco's around here.

Splodge: Glad I could help entertain your guests!

Heather: Um... You're kidding about the t-shirt toilet paper, right?

Cape Cod Gal: Now there's an idea!

Miss Grace: I was going to put that on the list, but my neighbor password-protected his. Bastard.

Emzeegee: I've done the food complaint thing, except I didn't like the product (it made me horribly sick), and they sent me coupons for more.

Tony: You cheeky bastard!

Lola: It's always wine and sex with you... just another reason why I stalk you.

Moonspun: Yeah, I figured as much. Most of the store brands taste/look just the same as brand name.

Anonymous: I'm a sweaty beast, so that won't happen in my house.

Kat: And you could help scrub his back! It's a win-win situation!

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