For those of you who have never experienced cold like this, I really can't explain it with enough accuracy, other than to say that it's just simply and utterly cold. Add in some wind to drop the temperature even more, and you wouldn't be crazy to call it fucking cold. Since cold weather affects different people in different ways, let me mention a couple of things that happen to the (male) human body when exposed to such frigid temperatures:
- Your nose hairs freeze,
- Your nipples become hard and threaten to cut through your shirt,
- Your eyes water in the cold wind, and the tears freeze on your face,
- Big Willy and The Twins shrink and shrivel up inside you,
- The joints in your knees and ankles creak nosily,
- All coordination is lost in the hands from wearing gloves.
Luckily we haven't had much snow up here in Maine this week, so I haven't had to spend a lot of time outside. It is pretty dangerous to be outside for extended periods of time, in these conditions. The talking heads on the news say that it has been a long time since we've had temperatures this cold here in Maine, and I believe it. It seems crazy to look forward to temperatures being in the 10's and 20's, as is the forecast for the next couple of days, but that would feel balmy and comfortable after a day like today.
Here's a look at the current temperature where I live:
There was a 89 degree difference in temperature, from inside my apartment to the outside temperature. I went outside dressed in six layers, and I was still cold.
Doesn't that make you want to move here?