While I'm not going to subject you to more of the same torture by way of listing resolutions, I am going to talk about some things that I will do differently in 2009...
- I will put on my pants with my left leg first, instead of my right.
- I will alternate picking my nose between my left and right index finger.
- When sitting on the couch with The Boss, I'll aim my farts at her instead of away.
- I will shave more than once every quarter-year.
- I will ignore The Boss' pleas to not burp in the cat's face.
- I will say what I mean, and mean what I say.
- I will let my voicemail answer call's from family members who I don't care to talk to at that moment.
- I will sing along to music while driving without holding my cellphone to my ear so it seems that I'm actually talking on the phone, not singing.
- I will blame my lack of politically correctness on ignorance.
- After dealing with asshole doctor's at work, instead of fuming silently, I will page their beeper's to telephone numbers for explicit phone sex.
- I will not tolerate watching anything that has, in any capacity, Ms Looks-Like-A-Foot herself, Sarah Jessica Parker.
- I will not feel guilty saying "No" when my employer calls me on my day off and asks me to work.
- I will stay up to watch the ball drop on New Year's Eve next year, instead of going to bed before 10pm.
I've never been one to celebrate the new year. The last time I truly celebrated it, The Boss and I had only been dating for about a week, which would be four years ago now. We had our first kiss that night. I can't be entirely sure about this, as no one was timing it and there wasn't a representative from the Guinness Book present, but it was quite possibly the world's fastest kiss. We were both nervous for it, but it was a memorable night because of it.
It was additionally memorable because I accidentally spilled my drink on her lap and somehow managed to drop a slice of pizza (with extra sauce) on her left boob. Whenever she wants to embarrass me, The Boss will bring up that night. I was apparently a little off my game that night. But, at least we have the memories.
I hope that everyone who partied and drank last night had fun, and that those who didn't party are managing to control their smug grins as they talk loudly around those who have hangovers.