Monday, February 23, 2009

In Which I Am A Grow-er

You all have too much faith in me.

I wrote this post thinking that it was a way to make a few jokes and knock down a blog post at the same time. But no, some of you want to see how I'd turn some of those fake-post ideas into an actual post. Miss Grace specifically challenged me to write about the Show-er vs. Grow-er topic.

I'm not sure exactly where I first heard about this theory, but the basic principle is that there are two different types of penii in the world: Show-ers and Grow-ers. Regardless of what type each man has, they are still, when you get down to it, your basic regular Man Muscle. They still are awkward to carry around down there and sometimes get excited for no reason at all (like when you're driving on a bumpy road), but a Love Stick nonetheless. The difference that exists enough to need a name for it is how one's Slim Jim appears in size when flaccid. 

For the Show-er type, The Bishop is pretty much the same size when at ease as when standing at attention. The Grow-er type, however, is much smaller when dormant and "grows" to it's full splendor when the draft is called. This natural phenomenon is the cause of what some call Penis Envy, which normally begins in gym locker rooms in junior high.

Personally, I am a grow-er. When my Beanstalk is not being climbed, it is rather petite in size. Should I catch a glimpse of The Boss' cleavage or wake up after a sex dream, though, it grows to a very respectable size. This claim is not my own, for those who think I exaggerate. One can read the description I wrote of my Sausage back in August 2008 by clicking here.

I'm not sure if this reveals too much about me, but I'm past the point of being shy about it. 

Hope this clears things up. Happy Monday!


FrankandMary said...

You should pass out cigarettes to the crowd after we read this.

Moonspun said...

totally fascinating! Hubby is the first man I've ever lived with as an adult and I find his 'love muscle' fascinating. Just all the various states it can be in...I'd never had known what a Show-er was..because hubby is Grow-er. So you've educated me!

Miss Grace said...

I learned in my human sexuality class in college that 80-90% of men are growers as opposed to showers (show-ers?).

Daddy Files said...

Grow-er here. What makes it worse is that when you're overweight, you can lose about an inch of perceived length because of all that fat. Your dick doesn't shrink, it just appears that way to the untrained female eye. Which sucks.

And let's not even get into cold weather, shrinkage and the little guy retreating back into his shell.

Cant Hardly Wait said...

I'm totally a grow-er.

Or..wait? I'm a woman.

Or am I...?

Cape Cod Gal said...

Always happy to read about your willy.

Personally, I like 'em all. But, I'm a horny little devil.

Lola said...

I can't say that I've played with a show-er yet. In P-Town, I've seen some wandering around that appeared to be what you're talking about, though!

Heather said...

Daady files, that was hilarious!

BAG, don't worry I am also a grower.

splodge said...

This is classic Badass material at its best! For which, I'm most grateful. Arf!

Badass Geek said...

Frank and Mary: Good idea. Menthol?

Moonspun: The Boss finds my Manhood interesting at times. But only when she wants it. Otherwise, she just tells me to put it away.

Miss Grace: Finally! I'm not in the minority anymore.

Daddy Files: Dude. Cold-weather shrinkage is the worst. Nothing like having to coax Yourself out just to take a leak.

Can't Hardly Wait: I'd hope you figure that out soon. =)

Cape Cod Gal: You? Horny? Never would have guessed.

Lola: Remind me never to go to P-Town.

Heather: Aren't we all?

Splodge: Glad you enjoyed it!

x said...

I believe you.

Get this, the largest penis I've ever seen was also the smalled penis I've ever seen. He was a definite grower. I used to ask him if he felt embarrassed in the locker room and he just said "When it's this big hard, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Ever."
Point taken.

Jen W said...

Hmmm. I guess I never thought about it that much but that certainly does shed some light on things!

Employee No. 3699 said...

Thanks for sharing. Next will it be a 'Show and Tell'?

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