The sun was shining, no one pissed me off on my commute, the overweight guy in the next cubicle seemed to have showered recently and brushed his teeth, and the coffee was fresh. My sister/cousin/aunt/wife wasn't being a(n) idiot/mental reject/twatsicle/bitch at the moment, my underwear fit just right, and I had packed an awesome lunch to eat later on. With all these things going my way, what is there to be angry about? Nothing, right?
I sat there, angry about something, and tried to figure out what it is. It consumed me, and I couldn't concentrate on my work. My co-workers avoided me, scared off by the scowl on my face. What would have been a reasonably good day has turned into a miserable one, ruined by some unknown factor. Nothing I tried to do cheered me up, not even watching that Numa Numa video.
My shift ends, and I drive home in silence because there is nothing on the radio but damn commercials. I arrive at home, slam the front door, and sulk around the house. Even the cat can sense my anger and runs to hide under the couch. I have a couple hours to think some more about my crappy day before The Boss gets home. The fun will begin when she gets home.
"How was your day?" she asks.
I respond in a non-committal grunt, but my expression must be easy enough to read.
"That good, huh?"
She sits down on the couch, and I sit in my chair. I turn on the TV to watch the news, and she picks up the book she's been reading. The house is quiet except for the news anchor droning on about the economy. Still inexplicably annoyed, I start to lightly tap the wooden armrest of my chair.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
Still tapping, I turn my head to look at The Boss. She has her head down still, reading her book.
I tap harder.
TAP. TAP. TAP. TAP.
I look over at her again. Still no reaction.
I tap faster.
Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
The Boss finally looks up at me, and I stop. She fires an annoyed glance at me, and starts reading her book again.
TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP.
"Will you cut that out? Please?" The Boss asks, her voice heavy with anger.
"Sorry," I respond, inflecting my voice as if I didn't know I was annoying her.
She looks warily at me for a few moments, and returns again to her book.
"Mike! Cut the shit!" The Boss yells. "What is your fucking problem tonight?"
"Nothing. I'm just bored. I'll stop tapping."
"Good," she says.
She looks sufficiently pissed off now. Something evil in my heart smiles contentedly.
Silence resumes in the living room.
The Boss whips her head up, visibly angry and her eyes on fire, and throws her book at me.
I don't know why I did it. In all of the times that I've done that since then, I still can't figure out why. Part of me must have thought that if I was in a bad mood, she should be, too. I don't think I'm the only one who does this kind of thing, either, right?
Tell me what you do to piss off your spouse/significant other when your misery wants company.