Thursday, February 26, 2009

In Which Misery Loves Company

Everyone has a bad day now and then. You know the type... The kind of day where you are in a bad mood but you can't figure out why? Take what happened to me a few months ago, for example, when I had to drive into the corporate office for work one day...

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The sun was shining, no one pissed me off on my commute, the overweight guy in the next cubicle seemed to have showered recently and brushed his teeth, and the coffee was fresh. My sister/cousin/aunt/wife wasn't being a(n) idiot/mental reject/twatsicle/bitch at the moment, my underwear fit just right, and I had packed an awesome lunch to eat later on. With all these things going my way, what is there to be angry about? Nothing, right?

Wrong.

I sat there, angry about something, and tried to figure out what it is. It consumed me, and I couldn't concentrate on my work. My co-workers avoided me, scared off by the scowl on my face. What would have been a reasonably good day has turned into a miserable one, ruined by some unknown factor. Nothing I tried to do cheered me up, not even watching that Numa Numa video.

My shift ends, and I drive home in silence because there is nothing on the radio but damn commercials. I arrive at home, slam the front door, and sulk around the house. Even the cat can sense my anger and runs to hide under the couch. I  have a couple hours to think some more about my crappy day before The Boss gets home. The fun will begin when she gets home.

"How was your day?" she asks.

I respond in a non-committal grunt, but my expression must be easy enough to read.

"That good, huh?"

"Yeah."

She sits down on the couch, and I sit in my chair. I turn on the TV to watch the news, and she picks up the book she's been reading. The house is quiet except for the news anchor droning on about the economy. Still inexplicably annoyed, I start to lightly tap the wooden armrest of my chair.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Still tapping, I turn my head to look at The Boss. She has her head down still, reading her book.

I tap harder.

TAP. TAP. TAP. TAP.

I look over at her again. Still no reaction.

I tap faster.

Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.

The Boss finally looks up at me, and I stop. She fires an annoyed glance at me, and starts reading her book again. 

Silence.

TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP.

"Will you cut that out? Please?" The Boss asks, her voice heavy with anger. 

"Sorry," I respond, inflecting my voice as if I didn't know I was annoying her.

She looks warily at me for a few moments, and returns again to her book.

TAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAP!

"Mike! Cut the shit!" The Boss yells. "What is your fucking problem tonight?"

"Nothing. I'm just bored. I'll stop tapping."

"Good," she says. 

She looks sufficiently pissed off now. Something evil in my heart smiles contentedly. 

Silence resumes in the living room.

TAP!

The Boss whips her head up, visibly angry and her eyes on fire, and throws her book at me. 

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I don't know why I did it. In all of the times that I've done that since then, I still can't figure out why. Part of me must have thought that if I was in a bad mood, she should be, too. I don't think I'm the only one who does this kind of thing, either, right? 

Tell me what you do to piss off your spouse/significant other when your misery wants company.

15 Comments:

Moonspun said...

My guess is that the grumpy part of you was trying to pick a fight with her by the Tap Tap Tappping. You were egging her on so you could let loose on SOMEbody and SOMEthing. Doesn't seem like she took the bait, though.
I am a great get angry and then withdraw person. Will just whirl around and retreat and then not come out and be a bitch about it. Did it last night actually.
Luckily crawled out of my hole and made up with the hubby which resulted in great...well make up nookie! But not enough sleep.

Moonspun said...

Oh and is it me, or are you just a bit moody with your site design?! :-)
I like your geeky dude...what's up with the mastercard logo...how is that relaxed to be badass OR geekiness?

Sus said...

I am incredibly stubborn, so I refuse to get pissed if someone is intentionally trying make me angry. It usually results in that person getting more and more irritated, which cracks me up, because it is ridiculous.

Employee No. 3699 said...

Fidgeting drives me nut, so if I had been there listening to your tap, tap, tapping I would have thrown my book at you too...and a pillow and a lamp and the cat.

Lola said...

I would have snapped your finger off! Fidgeting drives me CRAZY. When I'm in a bad mood, I just want to be alone, so I don't really pick fights on purpose or annoy people on purpose.

At my age, I almost never know why I'm pissed. I'm just cranky one minute, happy the next, right back to cranky. It's really fun. You never know who you're going to get...

splodge said...

The Numa-Numa vid cracks me up.

I just grin manically in his direction - creeps him out, but eventually cracks him up.

I DO like the credit card logo, now that I've read the words...he-hee! Very good. Think it's a winner.

Heather said...

My husband likes to make this sound that always makes me think it's one of the cats crying. It's kind of a whistle but lower, I don't know how he does it really, but it's annoying as hell. If I want to pick I fight with him all I have to do is ask him to move up out of his chair for ANY reason.

I like your creativity! I liked the old header, but this one is awesome too. And seeing it now without the brown, I realize how much of an improvement that made.

Daddy Files said...

I'm with you on this one. I get MJ annoyed at me on purpose, but for me it's some sort of twisted kind of foreplay. I'm big on the angry sex so I try to annoy her. The only problem is she doesn't work like that. She isn't capable of turning anger into crazy monkey love, so she just gets pissed with none of the rewarding sexual side effects.

Yet I continue to do it...

And to get her mad, all I have to do is 1) whistle or 2) Sit on the couch with her and bounce my leg up and down on the couch. She will go ballistic every time.

FrankandMary said...

When I am in a good relationship and I am miserable I do not want the other person to be miserable also, instead I want him to give me great sex. I have discovered that 90%(unless the problem is a loved one's death or illness or my stocks going wayyyyyyyy down)of the time this comforts me more than I can explain in a public manner.;-0
~Mary

Bee and Rose said...

Ok..I am still recovering from the word "twatsicle...." ROTFL!

My husband/jerk/nerdanderthal tries to pull this crap on me all the time! Weirdly enough, it makes me want to be that much happier and annoyingly gleeful. I refuse to participate in his misery business! (which is really my passive aggressive way of pissing him off!) lol!

Love the new look, by the way! You are THE Badass Geek!

liz said...

Oh, I'm the worst about this sort of thing. I just can't help it, I start yelling for no reason and then get even more angry when he doesn't yell at me back! My temper is sort of ridiculous. I blame it on the red hair.

Jen W said...

Gah. I've totally snapped like that before, too. I hate the way I feel afterwards.

Cape Cod Gal said...

I turn the TV/radio down to the volume meant for normal human ears. He always gets pissed off.

My favorite is when he's in the bathroom and listening to the TV in the master bedroom (at top volume). I'll just walk in the room, mute the TV and walk out. He's mid-dump so he can't fix it. Works like a charm.

areason2write said...

my husband likes to annoy the crap out of us all the time - he finds it hysterical - and believe me - he is a party of one. No one else finds it funny

Badass Geek said...

Moonspun: Oh, I know why I did it, I just don't know why I still do it. Does that make sense?

Sus: Passive aggressive-ness at it's best.

Employee No 3699: Lucky for me, I'm good at ducking out of the way. Kinda like Bush when that reporter threw his shoes at him.

Lola: The Boss can be on the Mood Roller Coaster, too. Quite frequently she is, actually.

Splodge: I also like to stare manically. She hates that even more!

Heather: Ugh. I HATE getting out of my chair.

Daddy Files: The dreaded leg-bounce! I've been punched in the arm many times for doing that intentionally.

Frank and Mary: Enough said. =)

Bee and Rose: I wish I could claim "twatsicle" as an original word, but I learned it from an ex-roomate.

Liz: Shifting blame is good. Healthy, even. I always blame things I do wrong on the cat.

Jen W: In the grand scheme of things, finger tapping is pretty small. I've never done anything to really, REALLY get her going intentionally. Yet.

Cape Cod Gal: The Boss listens to the TV at high volumes, too. I'm thinking she may need hearing aids.

A Reason 2 Write: To each his own, I guess.

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