Dear Mother Nature,
Do you know what month it is? March, that's right. You see all this white stuff on the ground? Do you know what that is? Yes, it's snow!
Do you know how much of a pain in the ass this stuff is? It makes the roads miserable, it sucks to have to shovel it or plow it away, and when it finally gets around to melting, it covers everything in a glaze of ice when the temps drop at night. I don't think my tailbone can take any more slips on the ice this year, and I'm a slobbering mess on painkillers.
My question is this: Can we get a head start on Spring this year? I haven't really complained too much about the weather this winter, and compared to last year this one has been a breeze! That doesn't change the fact that we are in our fifth month of winter-weather, and I'm sick of it.
I'm tired of having to wear layers and keep gloves handy. I'm tired of that crinkly-prickling thing that happens when I go outside and my nose hairs freeze. I'm tired of having to wear slippers around the house and building a fire in the wood stove each night. I'm tired of the shrinkage that happens to my Tripod and having to coax it out of my pelvic cavity just to take a leak. Most of all, I'm tired of the meteorologists on TV who can't seem to figure out what the heck you're doing and always get it wrong.
Making the switch over to Spring wouldn't be all that hard. Just make sure the temperature doesn't drop below freezing until April or so, and everything else will progress naturally. Oh, and if you could keep any weather patterns containing snow from entering New England at least until next year, that'd be great, too.
Doing this wouldn't only help me and the rest of New England, but it'd probably also have some benefit for you. You'd probably see a significant drop of claims coming in to your complaints department, which I'm sure is getting swamped right now. I'm also willing to bet that you'll see an increase of people getting outside and singing your praises. Wouldn't that be a nice change of pace, from all the constant complaints?
Just think about it. That's all I ask.