Monday, March 9, 2009

In Which I Am Ready

TO: mothernature{at}planetearth{dot}org
FROM: badassgeek{at}gmail{dot}com

Dear Mother Nature,

Do you know what month it is? March, that's right. You see all this white stuff on the ground? Do you know what that is? Yes, it's snow! 

Do you know how much of a pain in the ass this stuff is? It makes the roads miserable, it sucks to have to shovel it or plow it away, and when it finally gets around to melting, it covers everything in a glaze of ice when the temps drop at night. I don't think my tailbone can take any more slips on the ice this year, and I'm a slobbering mess on painkillers. 

My question is this: Can we get a head start on Spring this year? I haven't really complained too much about the weather this winter, and compared to last year this one has been a breeze! That doesn't change the fact that we are in our fifth month of winter-weather, and I'm sick of it. 

I'm tired of having to wear layers and keep gloves handy. I'm tired of that crinkly-prickling thing that happens when I go outside and my nose hairs freeze. I'm tired of having to wear slippers around the house and building a fire in the wood stove each night. I'm tired of the shrinkage that happens to my Tripod and having to coax it out of my pelvic cavity just to take a leak. Most of all, I'm tired of the meteorologists on TV who can't seem to figure out what the heck you're doing and always get it wrong.

Making the switch over to Spring  wouldn't be all that hard. Just make sure the temperature doesn't drop below freezing until April or so, and everything else will progress naturally. Oh, and if you could keep any weather patterns containing snow from entering New England at least until next year, that'd be great, too.

Doing this wouldn't only help me and the rest of New England, but it'd probably also have some benefit for you. You'd probably see a significant drop of claims coming in to your complaints department, which I'm sure is getting swamped right now. I'm also willing to bet that you'll see an increase of people getting outside and singing your praises. Wouldn't that be a nice change of pace, from all the constant complaints?

Just think about it. That's all I ask.




Heather and Jase said...

*Waves from sunny Florida*
83° Partly Sunny with a chance of half naked Spring Breakers.

Jenn(ifer) said...


Sincerely a fellow Mainer,


*oh! and my word verification is "pater"; that's just funny to me.*

Lola said...

Apparently, she's telling you to shove it, since it's snowing right now!

Maggie May said...

Frozen nose hairs is the name of my new band.

It's sunny here in San Diego.


Kat said...

My daffodils came up and then we got a wind and rain thing that came through and killed them. Thanks Mother Nature, love ya, mean it.

Cape Cod Gal said...

Precious, you live in MAINE!!! What the hell do you expect? If you'd like to come and visit, we're only getting rain down here.

Cant Hardly Wait said...

I live just outside New Orleans. And it's 80 degrees now. nanny nanny booboo.

Eh, I used to live in NY. I understand you, homeboy.

Bee and Rose said...

I am sending you some sunshine from AZ! (although we are only going to hit 65 today which is like 10 degrees back East.) I yelled at the stupid Snow Miser and Heat Miser on my blog post today so they been served!

Heather said...

I'm also ready. Like, big time.

daria. said...

The Bay Area is 50-60 degrees all year 'round. I'd like some variety and even a bit of snow would be nice, actually.

MIT Mommy said...

Amen! Please include Cleveland on that Spring thing.

Badass Geek said...

Heather and Jase: Grumble.

Jenn(ifer): Spring is always around the corner up here, isn't it?

Lola: I know! What an ignorant bitch Mother Nature is.

Maggie May: Can I play bass?

Kat: Ain't she a peach?

Cape Cod Gal: I know, I know. One has a right to dream, though, right?

Can't Hardly Wait: Neener neener, neener!

Bee and Rose: I'll take anything over 20-30 degrees and snow.

Heather: Me, too.

Daria: Wanna trade for a couple days?

MIT Mommy: For sure!

Employee No. 3699 said...

I will gladly sign a petition on this.

Jen W said...

I can't even tell you how sick I am of Winter. Then to top it off, we've had 5 consecutive days of rain in Chicago. I mean, seriously??? It's like a cruel joke the universe is playing on us.

daria said...

Ok, I'll switch for a day. I'll make a snow man and then come right back to this drizzly non-winter/non-spring.

Badass Geek said...

Employee No 3699: I'll let you know if I draft one.

Jen W: The universe is fond of playing cruel jokes.

Daria: Deal.

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