When The Boss and I are on long car rides, we generally talk instead of listening to music. It keeps me more alert, and it keeps The Boss from channel surfing on the radio, trying to find a station that isn't playing a commercial. Earlier this week, while driving the hour-long trip back home from seeing my dad in the hospital (he's fine), The Boss and I got to talking again.
By some strange evolution of subject matter, we wound up talking about how product development companies often make the strangest foods portable, and give them the strangest names. I mean, Go-Gurt? Who needs to eat yogurt on the run? Was there a large outcry from the general public requiring the need for natural digestive enhancements while commuting to work? I know the product is aimed towards kids, and that is probably the only reason it sells. A product with the consistency of snot would only be consumed by the demographic of people who still routinely excavate their noses and eat their findings, anyways.
Throughout the rest of the car ride home, The Boss and I came up with some ideas for a new line of portable food items. After reviewing them, though, it became clear that these products probably wouldn't make it past the drawing board. Take a look:
- Taco Tubes
- Chili Bites
- Fish Mix
- Soup Roll-Ups
- Sloppy Go-Joe's
- Pasta Pockets
- Pack-A-Rack o' Ribs
- Clam Chowder Chewies
- Buffalo-Flavored String Wings
I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to see any of those things individually packaged and for sale as a portable food. Some foods are fine to eat on the go, but some foods shouldn't be messed with. Calling Hot Pockets a pizza product is blasphemy, pure and simple.
As gross as some of the above items might be if actually produced, it was fun thinking them up. What kind of made-up portable food can you think of?
15 Comments:
Food-in-transit, brilliant.
I'm not going to come up with any ridiculous versions of food on the go, just going to say I am glad I don't drive space shuttles.
Uh wow...you guys are very creative...not just of the actual product, but the names!
anything that I can get in chocolate quick and easy works for me!
Soup Roll Ups...brilliant.
I threw up in my mouth a lil @ Chowder Chewies!
Very inventive! We have a similar type of yogurt in a tube here - an inspired invention for kids.
I'm up to my elbows creating food for an Easter feast and many hungry mouths tomorrow, so hoping you'll pardon my lack of ideas.
Don't eat too many chocolate eggs.
Clam chowder chewies??? GACK!! Taco Tubes...not so bad..I'd probably eat that...pack o ribs..my hubs would totally go for that one! You two are marketing geniuses!
Clam Chowder (Chowda) chewies is just plain gross. A pasta pocket might be fun with Kraft Mac n' Cheese.
GURT has always meant terminator technology for me so the first time I heard go-gurt I was way off.
I'm still trying to get over a special a place by me used to have: Flounder Sloppy Joes. When it was first faxed on a menu to a practice I was running, I thought it was joke.
Ackk. ~Mary
Portable rack of ribs sounds effing awesome dude! I would actually buy those!
Yeah the go-gurt is for the kiddies, and is only slightly less messy than giving them a cup with a spoon. I've seen peanut butter in the same kind of tube too, which I always though, who eats pb without mayo? I mean, come on. I'm not gonna just squirt a tube of brown stuff into my mouth at lunch time.
SPD: Yeah, the freeze-dried food must not taste too good.
Moonspun: Chocolate is very good.
Employee No. 3699: That was The Boss' idea.
Heather and Jase: Yeah, me too.
Splodge: I'll try not to!
Bee and Rose: We might have a future career in it.
Cape Cod Gal: Hmm... Good idea!
Frank and Mary: Ugh. Fish sloppy joes? Why?
Heather: Peanut butter and mayo? You're kidding, right?
"Hey, I like Hot Pockets... This guy's a jerk!"
I wonder if you could get anyone to take this list seriously...
I hope not, but it's likely :)
How about Steakables?
Okay, as a parent-on-the-go, my children eat far far far too many meals in the car. Of course, I don't think they need to eat Chowder chewies (eww). The problem with most things is the under-the-seat factor. You can really only feed a child something that you don't mind finding underneath the car seat at a future date.
Remarkably (or maybe not) chicken nuggets look exactly the same even weeks later. And also remarkably (or maybe not) I am told they taste the same too.
Red wine in those waxy bottles they sell in "penny" candy stores. Twist the wax top off for a quick shot on the go.
I stumbled upon your site via Cake Wrecks, and happily too, because now I have something to read during the slow times at work. I had been afraid I had read the entire internet.
Anyway - many moons ago, I came up with the idea of Scrapple Snapple.
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