It happened just a few nights ago,
while The Boss and I were asleep.
She and I were sawing our separate logs,
snoring loud and dreaming deep.
Suddenly I was startled awake,
but from what I wasn't sure.
Could it be that the ghosts who decorated our ceiling
had come back to paint some more?
I sat bolt upright in the bed
the covers loose around my waist.
I switched on my bedside lamp
and sat silently to wait.
I waited with my nerves on edge,
and ran a nervous hand through my hair.
It was then that I heard again the noise
that had given me such a scare.
It was a screech, no, a scream,
a sound not like any other.
I slid down and hid under the blankets
until I felt that I would smother.
I heard the noise again. It was closer!
I placed my hand over my thudding heart.
I then breathed in deep through my nose
and realized it was a fart.
My wife, The Boss, still peacefully asleep,
was blissfully passing gas.
It somehow sounded like a scream
as it exited forcefully from her ass.
I yanked the covers from my face
and breathed in the cleaner air.
I couldn't believe I had let some flatulence
give me such a scare.
True story, folks. It was funny as hell.