Wednesday, May 6, 2009

In Which I Have Some Questions

I know I wrote a post not too long ago about the various intriguing search terms that have brought people here, but I've had some really interesting ones that begs just one question:

What the fuck?

See for yourself.
  • "badass felts"
  • "badass vegas vacation itinerary"
  • "door stopper to lock my house"
  • "how to pee in the woods"
  • "how to pressure lock a room"
  • "I drink way too much"
  • "I am a man and I can't help myself"
  • "testicles hurt when sitting down"
  • "t-shirt gives away the plot"
Those are all interesting search hits, but this last one takes the cake. It is quite possibly the best search hit that I have seen in the history of this blog.

"I need an exorcism"

I understand the concern, but before you run out and hire a priest, lets run down a few of the key symptoms:
  1. Pale, greenish-colored skin
  2. Elongated tongue
  3. Highly-rotational head
  4. Projectile vomiting
  5. Sudden ability to speak demonic languages
If you or someone you know exhibits these symptoms and/or has recently bitten the head off of a bat, get your ass to a church ASAP. 

The things people search for these days...


Heather said...

I always have to wonder when something weird like that comes up, how MY blog made it into the search results.

Kat said...

Your lucky...apparently people who find my site are looking for strippers named LaLa and KiKi. Nice.

Roberto said...

Hahaha.. that is too funny!

I was unaware that you were the go to guy for exorcisms and peeing in the woods. Good to know.

Moonspun said...

I don't see how felt and badass could have be related. Felt is happy and soft...
I wonder what sort of thing they found on your site to help with the exorcism...maybe they had dishes piled up and found my all tiem favorite post!!!

Employee No. 3699 said...

So how do you pressure lock a room?

Miss Grace said...

Who needs a tutorial on pissing in the woods??

Aunt Becky said...

Dude. *I* need an exorcism. Stat. Help a sister out.

Bee and Rose said...

Hilarious! Exorcism takes the cake! I'm pure vanilla when it comes to the search results..the most interesting one I had was "How to build a Church"..WTF????

Children of the Nineties said...

Oh, how I love looking at my Google Analytics search terms. That "testicles hurt when sitting down" isn't bad either. I imagine though if someone really needed an exorcism, would they be self-aware enough to search for it online?

The Boss said...

I'm starting to think that when we move they will *have* to do an excorcism to our apartment. Theres some work fucking shit goin' on man.

The Boss said...

Thats *weird* fucking shit.

PastelGuy said...

I think I found yours from 'blue balls'. Don't ask.

FrankandMary said...

I don't know why~t-shirt gives away the plot~was so interesting to me, but it was.

I once put in an actress name, since I had no idea what she looked like & one of the choices that came up was Seabiscuit. I guess makeup really does wonders. ~Mary

The Social Frog said...

Hmmm, Very interesting,lol.

MIT Mommy said...

Ooops. I thought that was normal toddler behavior.

Cape Cod Gal said...

I am scared to post my searches. It is unbelievable what people are searching for these day!

Ambles said...

Someone got to my blog by searching "high class boobs"... I feel so honored!

Badass Geek said...

Heather: I know what you mean. Its strange.

Kat: Those would be good names for strippers.

Roberto: I am a fountain of knowledge.

Moonspun: I was thoroughly confused by that one, too.

Employee No 3699: I haven't the slightest clue, but I'm sure I could find out.

Miss Grace: The extremely cautious.

Aunt Becky: You get the crucifix, I'll get the Holy Water.

Bee and Rose: I get some pretty strange ones sometimes.

COTN: I was wondering about that, too. The demon must not have had very high self esteem.

The Boss: You know, the ghosts will probably just travel with us. It seems to happen that way.

Pastel Guy: Alright. I'll steer clear from that one.

Frank and Mary: Was it Penelope Cruz by any chance?

The Social Frog: I agree.

MIT Mommy: Beats me.

Cape Cod Gal: Considering the content of your site, I can only imagine!

Ambles: Thats quite the compliment.

Lola said...

That's a good one! You can imagine how nuts mine are, but my favorite one lately was: "Horny older sexy mamas in naked photos."

FREAKED me out, thinking that somehow those funny drunk photos the husband took of me back when I was 19 had finally made their way to the Web. I spent quite a bit of time Google searching that and thankfully never found myself.

Almost had a heart attack over that one.

splodge said...

"fart animation" avatar and semen recipes are the most risqué on my blog.

I just can't understand why I'm still getting Christmas and turkey searches.

Nej said...

Funny! I just did a post similar to this a week or so ago. I probably won't be checking out what brings people to my site again....some of the things I found were, say the least. :-)

Badass Geek said...

Lola: Don't worry. I won't ever post the ones I have of you.

Splode: *shudder* Semen recipes. Gross.

Nej: There are some weird people out there.

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