Wednesday, May 13, 2009

In Which It Rains And It Pours

It rained over the weekend. The Boss and I were out running an errand or two Saturday evening, and it was coming down at a pretty good rate by the time we were a few miles from home. We sat in silence during the homestretch, the wipers slipping side to side rhythmically. As I swung the car down our long dirt driveway, the headlights caught something ahead of us on the road. 

It was a frog. The first hundred feet of our driveway is lined on both sides with streams and marshes and otherwise wet terrain, so it is not uncommon to see frogs jumping about, even in drier weather. Frogs come out into the rain to help keep their skin moist, so the sudden appearance of frogs in the rain is again, not at all uncommon. 

I've loved frogs since I was a kid (even though I got pissed on by an angry bull frog once), so plowing through them was not an option.  I swerved to avoid it, but another frog appeared just a few feet ahead of it. In swerving to miss that one, two other frogs jumped out from the side of the road. It was an amphibian obstacle course like I had never seen. I started laughing about midway through the first section of the driveway. The quantity of frogs we were seeing was simply unreal. 

"Don't these frogs know to look both ways before crossing?" The Boss asked, starting to laugh herself.

"I wonder if they are part of some amphibian cult, taking part in a mass suicide like those Hale-Bopp comet weirdo's," I wondered aloud. "Either that, or the frog population in this area are all severely depressed."

We were past the wetland part of the driveway now, but the frogs still hopped out in front of us.

"It doesn't have to end like this!" The Boss cried out the window.

"I just.... *hop*... can't.... *hop*... take it... *hop*... anymore!" I said, doing my best Kermit the Frog impression. 

We chortled our way down the rest of the driveway, the onslaught of frogs fading the closer we got to our apartment. I veered the car to the left towards our private parking spaces, and out of the tall grass on the right side jumps one last frog. The Boss and I both jumped in our seats and yelled in surprise, and I jerked the car out of the way one last time.

Unfortunately, I reacted too late.

I told myself I didn't hear the slight "pop" as I passed over it with my tires. 

Out of 100 kamikaze ninja frogs, hitting one isn't all that bad.


abrandname said...

It's the *POP* I can't handle.

It's also the slight movement that the vehicle makes as it is flattening the now roadkill.

I love you and your wifes sense of humor.

I laughed out loud at The Bosses; "It doesn't have to end this way"

How funny

Kat said...

I wonder if frogs are like lemmings...if one goes to end it, they all follow...

Moonspun said...

That must have been quite a time! And no, I am sure there was no pop, clearly you didn't look back at take pictures...

Sus said...

That is too funny! That sounds like quite the sight to behold!

Employee No. 3699 said...

Sounds like you had some froggy weather!

mrssoup said...

That poor poor frog....

But it was his time and his decision. Maybe he had just found out his froggy girlfriend's eggs were inseminated by her other boyfriend who just happened to be his best friend and just couldn't take it anymore?

I hope you didn't have frog guts up under the car....

Children of the Nineties said...

An amphibian obstacle In truth, though, these frogs probably had it coming with such reckless behavior.

Maggie May said...

oh my god. that pop killed me.

Laura said...

That is hilarious! Good job on avoiding so many... one isn't bad at all. Poor frog.

for the love of pictures said...

That post was hilarious - great blog, btw :)

Aunt Becky said...

I think those frogs were trying to do a stupid fcuking meme for their blog and decided that death by a ton of steel was a better option.

Heather said...

I hit a squirrel once. =(

Lola said...

I love frogs, and we have tons around here. My best friend is a loon, and if you're ever driving home late at night with her, she stops to get every fucking frog out of the road and brings them to her house to live the good life.

One time, at 2 AM we had collected 25. I'm drunk, tired, want to get home, but she stopped to collect 25 frogs.

Tony said...

I like to think that I have some compassion, but the "POP" had me laughing way too much

The Boss said...

Sometimes after I read the posts that you write about our life, I think to my self, "We are some funny mother fuckers!"

That last frog that jumped out in front of us seriously scared the bujeezus out of me.

And yes. That is how you spell bujeezus.

Kim said...

Consider yourself fortunate if you were only ever peed on by a frog once. I spent my childhood catching toads more than frogs and making "toad habitats" for them in my friend's wagon. I don't even know how many times I was peed on.

splodge said...

You frog-killer!

Bee and Rose said...

Holy splat, frog man! I was cracking up at The Boss pleading.."it doesn't have to end this way!" LOL! Seriously funny!

I would have been screaming and freaking out because I would have been afraid of them leaping onto my car!

Notes From the Grove said...

"It doesn't have to end this way!" Hahahaha! Classic.

absolutezero2382 said...

The pop would most likely give me shudders, maybe it was one of the biblical plauges........ lol you guys are hilarious.

Badass Geek said...

A Brand Name: The POP is brutal.

Kat: That is a possibility.

Moonspun: No, I wouldn't have had the stomach for pictures.

Sus: It was insane. Insane in the membrane, even.

Employee No 3699: It sure was.

Mrs Soup: A froggy love triangle. How tragic.

COTN: Seriously. Apparently no one ever taught them to look both ways.

Maggie May: Oh, it was bad.

Laura: I felt like I was testing the suspension on my car.

FTLOP: Thanks! Glad you enjoy it.

Aunt Becky: Yeah, I would agree. Death by Ford Focus seems better than a meme.

Heather: Bummer.

Lola: It must be loud as heck in her house.

Tony: Yeah, I laughed a little on the inside.

The Boss: Are you sure it isn't "bejezus"?

Kim: That one experience was enough to make me remember to aim the frog away the next time.

Splodge: It was an accident!

Bee and Rose: These frogs weren't too big, but man, could they jump.

NFTG: She's a riot, this one.

AbsoluteZero2382: If I wake up tomorrow and my water turns to blood, I'll be scared then.

Cape Cod Gal said...

We have tons of frogs in our yard. I'm terrified of them!

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