Wednesday, June 3, 2009

In Which I Open Mouth And Insert Foot

Yesterday evening, The Boss and I loaded up my truck with what hopefully was the second-to-last pile of storage bins and boxes to move into the new apartment. It's about an hour's drive from where we live currently, and on the way over I chatted with The Boss about the post I wrote about my smart-ass remarks to nosy cashiers.

The conversation soon worked its way to the new apartment, and wondering what our neighbors would be like. We've never lived in an apartment complex before, so this will be an entirely new experience for us.

"I hope the people in the building like us," The Boss said. 

"Oh, they'll have no reason not to," I assured her. "We're good people."

"You're right, I know. It's just that I hope we make friends with some of the people in the building. I think it would be good for us." 

"Yeah," I said, noncommittally. The idea of entertaining new friends in our small apartment didn't exactly thrill me, but I went along with it. 

We arrived at our apartment shortly after, and as I backed the truck up to the main entry door, The Boss said, "If we see any of our neighbors tonight when we're moving stuff in, I hope we make a good impression."

"Don't worry," I said, distracted, but still picking up on the hint. "I'll behave."

Famous last words.

We saw a couple of our new neighbors and introduced ourselves as we carried our things up the stairs. I smiled and said the obligatory nice-to-meet-you's, keeping my promise to The Boss of making a good impression. Everything was going well, and before long there were just a couple of boxes left to carry up. I had inadvertently saved the heaviest boxes for last, and having made 17 trips up and down the three flights of stairs already, I decided to save myself an extra trip and take the last two boxes at the same time. 

Here's where things started to go wrong.

My legs were exhausted and my arms were sore. I was sweating profusely in some very uncomfortable places. I was tired of forcing a smile to random strangers I passed while wrestling with the box I was carrying. I wanted to be done, and I wanted to be done now. I hoisted the last two boxes and headed for the stairs. 

I had just made it past the entry way when I saw a man coming down the stairs towards me. He had a baseball cap on backwards and a clove cigarette sticking out of his mouth. I moved over to the right so we could share the stairway. 

"Hey," I grunted. A bead of sweat coursed down my forehead.

"Hi," he replied. "Moving in?"

I paused. 

Could it be any more obvious as to what I was doing? I was standing face to face with a man I had never seen before. I was carrying two boxes up the stairs, both of which were clearly labeled as to what room they belonged in. There is a truck parked by the door with piles of rope and tie-down straps clearly visible from where we stood. I had answered that same stupid question about seven times already that evening, and my patience for politely answering something that was so glaringly obvious had long since run out.

"No," I said. I continued up the stairs.

"No?" the guy said, apparently confused. He turned to watch me clear the landing and head up the next flight of stairs.

"Right. I'm not moving in. I'm moving out in reverse."

Open mouth, insert foot.


GeekByMarriage said...

LMFAO. Don't worry I'm sure he's not someone you'd want to be buddies with anyways.

Employee No. 3699 said...

So what did The Boss have to say?

On another note, I think it would be quite amusing if the two of you each tackled a subject on your own blogs, kind of like a he said/she said.

Lola said...

Oh, you're just making friends all over the place! Clove cig and baseball hat backwards don't really go together, in my experience. He's some kind of weirdo freak, for sure. Keep you distance ;)

lovelila said...

LMAO!! That was great! I hate when people ask obvious questions like that, though, but I can never come up with responses fast enough so I'm just polite about it and complain later.

Kim said...

Exactly why do people insist on asking or stating the obvious as you are trying to carry very heavy objects?

Lana said...

the worst part about living in an apartment complex is that you will dislike most of your neighbors. so really the part about them liking you is already moot.

Kat said...

That one just couldn't be helped. It had to be said.

Notes From the Grove said...

You should've made up some crazy story about how after 15 years of sneaking around you're finally moving in with your mistress who also happens to be your ex-wife's sister who also happens to be your father's secretary AND his second cousin.

Or something like that. Hey, at least everyone would know who you are.

Single Parent Dad said...

There's nowt wrong with that. And if they didn't take to it, you probably wouldn't want to get to know them anyway. Keep being a Badass, eerrm, Badass.

Children of the Nineties said...

Haha, I don't know if I could have resisted that opportunity for sarcasm either.

Laura said...

You just couldn't help it could you? Well if he is someone you would actually want to hang out with, he will find it funny after all. What he should have been saying was "Can I give you a hand?" That would have been alot better! Idiot.

Moonspun said...

Oh my god, that's classic badass right there! \
Maybe afterwards he thought you were witty and cool and he'll give you a pack of clove cigarettes as a welcome to the complex gift!
Yea, like 3699, I want to know what the The Boss had to say about that?

Nej said...

Isn't there a comedian out there that would say "And here's your sign?"

I know people are just trying to be nice, but......

Salut! chou chou said...

Yep, I agree...he set that one up and even more so since you've heard it about a zillion times before. I hate obvious questions like that but then again, I think I ask them as well when I'm trying to be overly friendly. That doesn't mean its not annoying though...

Aunt Becky said...

Anyone who smokes a clove cigarette gets whatever comes to them ;)

Roberto said...

Hah. I could not have resisted that opening. It demanded a sarcastic remark.

"No, I'm not moving in. I just like to carry heavy boxes up flights of stairs. Keeps me humble."

Badass Geek said...

Geek By Marriage: No, probably not.

Employee No 3699: The Boss? She laughed.

Lola: I'll do my best.

Love, Lila: I still complain afterwards. I'm awesome like that.

Kim: I have no idea. It is frustrating, though.

Lana: Good insight. I don't plan on going out of my way to be friends with them anyways.

Kat: Yes, I agree.

NFTG: The next person I meet, I'm telling them that story.

SPD: You're right. Thank you.

COTN: I don't think I could have, even if my patience hadn't been whittled down.

Laura: Seriously. A little help would have been nice.

Moonspun: I think I'd pass on the cloves.

Nej: Yes! Bill Engvall.

Salut!: I'm guilty of it too, I just try to make it out as a joke, not an honest question.

Aunt Becky: You've got a point there.

Roberto: It's free exercise, too!

x said...

I hope he doesn't live above you. For the record, I would've done the exact same thing. And I wonder why I have no friends where I live.

Cant Hardly Wait said...

I would have said, "Actually, these are just boxes of 80's porn tapes and some cat food. Bringin' it to my mom."

Bee and Rose said...

Classic, Badass Geek, absolutely classic!!!!

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