Over the past 17 months, thanks to the magic that is Google Analytics, I have encountered some pretty weird and wacky search terms that brought visitors to my humble blog. I've had a few good laughs at their expense, but after a while, I thought I had seen them all.
When I checked my Google Analytics earlier today, though, I was shocked. It seemed as if all the real weirdos were finally crawling out of the woodwork and headed straight to Google to fill their (albeit small) brains with knowledge. Unfortunately for them, though, Google sent them here.
Here's just a sampling:
"ex was much bigger" - Kinda makes you regret dumping him, doesn't it? Apparently, the motion of the ocean doesn't matter if you're trying to get to England in a rowboat."toenails growing, werewolf" - Hate to break it to you, but that doesn't make you a werewolf. Unless you find yourself suddenly sprouting lots of hair and bigger teeth when the full moon comes around, I think you'll just have to get used to the idea of being a regular old human."badass pillow case sets" - I weep for the person who searched for this. I weep."badass things to learn" - I'm pretty sure that turning to an Internet search engine to help you become more badass automatically disqualifies you from ever achieving that status. Being badass often isn't something you can learn how to be. You either are, or you aren't. Keep trying, though."I am certain that I love you" - I'm flattered; truly I am. I'm married, though, and I don't think that The Boss would be welcome to adding a third party to our relationship. I appreciate the courage it took to say that, though. You've got guts."I think I might be pregnant with the cab drivers baby" - Again? Seriously? How does that even happen? Considering the types of people that I have seen driving cabs, you either are just really easy, didn't have money to pay for your fare, or had your beer goggles on. This brings a whole new meaning to the term "cab ride"."should I try something new in high school or the same thing" - I'd stick with the same thing. High school isn't the time for personal growth and for trying new things. That whole "spread your wings" speech? Pure crap. It's much better to wait until you are older, when you have less time and freedom to try new things, but wish desperately that you could. Makes you really appreciate what could have been."that feeling when you realize something" - Did you feel that? That's called Intelligence. A fleeting emotion, yes, but it's nice while it lasts."we are both so inebriated" - I highly doubt that an actual drunk person searched for this. For starters, its not the easiest word to spell. Your ability to speak clearly, much less spell, is considerably reduced when intoxicated. Secondly, no actual drunk person would use that word while presently being drunk, unless you are Sheldon from that show, Big Bang Theory."what 'vomit in my mouth' means" - I always thought this phrase was pretty straightforward, but apparently some people need an explanation. I guess I just assumed that people would know that vomiting (generally an unpleasant event) and retaining it in one's mouth (hard to do if there is a large quantity of said vomit, but also unpleasant) would indicate general disgust. But that's just me.
Those are definitely some of the strangest search hits I've had since I started this blog. Weirdness is relative, though. Think you can top it? Tell me your strangest one.