Wednesday, August 5, 2009

In Which I Am Awkward

If you could add your own listing in the dictionary under the word "awkward", what would it be? offers many different definitions for the word:
1. Lacking skill or dexterity; clumsy.
2. Lacking grace or ease in movement.
3. Lacking social graces or manners.
4. Not well planned or designed for easy or effective use.
5. Requiring caution; somewhat hazardous.
6. Hard to deal with; difficult; requiring skill, tact, or the like.
7. Embarrassing or inconvenient; caused by lack of social grace.
8. Obsolete. untoward; perverse
I have another definition of the word that I'd like to have added to that list:
9. When your boss greets you with the sexually perverse nickname he's picked out for you, and calls it out loudly across the parking lot in front of your co-workers.
As in, "Hey there, Big Shooter!"

This happened to me at a job I had back in 2006, while working for a hotel maintenance team in Wells, Maine. The general manager, a crusty and perverse man in his late fifties, picked out nicknames for everyone that worked there, and for some reason, mine ended up as Big Shooter.

Every time I saw him, he'd greet me the same way. Every single time.

Big Shooter.

Talk about awkward.


Mwa said...


10. When your lecturer goes off on a tangent talking about his upcoming vasectomy while you are meant to be reading Hegel.

Kat said...

awkward or awesome?

Natalie said...

11. When the German professor you're doing research under introduces you to his "unwed female friend on the side" one day and his wife the next.

Sandy said...

12. When your long-ex-husband comes to your house that you now share with your real husband to pick up some ex-furniture and brings his skanky girlfriend and asks you off to the side..."so what do you think of Dodo?"

Laura said...

Reminds me of Shooter McGavin... what a tool...

FrankandMary said...

10)When a coworker tells you he self-abuses sexually.


Stop it?~Mary

mysterg said...

Big Shooter is an awesome nickname! - it emphasises size and sexual potency - you should be proud!

@FrankandMary - That has happened to me!

10.) Having the husband of the woman you are seeing try to set you up with his sister as he thinks you're a good bloke.

11.) Phoning all your ex-partners to tell them to go for STD checks.

12.) Getting caught having sex at your workplace by your boss.

I could go on forever.

Moonspun said...

I don't believe I've ever heard Big Shooter before....

Kristina said...

10. When your potty-training 2 year old (who recently ran into the bathroom as Daddy was stepping out of the shower) informs your guests that "Daddy has a big pee-pee.

Employee No. 3699 said...

Awesome nickname...but how did he come up with it?

headbitingprincess said...

Love the extra's your followers added !!

I totally agree with Mysterg
Big Shooter = total compliment ..

if i were a dude I would be like ..
Yup .. THAT'S right ladies ..
BIIIG shooter coming thru ...
ping pang with a big ol bang !

hmm .. on the other hand not so great coming from a dude to another dude .. thats like gayocity. and i love me some love, but i see the awkward factor it could create ..
OH OH so THEN just be like .. yea my lady was bragging it to him ..I'm Guinness worthy ..
< clicks tongue >

Single Parent Dad said...


My last boss used to refer to me by my surname, even in emails to head office. It almost became a verb. "I'll get him to do a Newbold."

Notes From the Grove said...

I had a nickname in college: Spooner. It didn't have any sexual story behind it, but I think it's safe to assume people thought otherwise.

golublog said...

Oh my god I would just melt into a puddle and die. I have no handling ability with awkward situations.

Why Mom Drinks Rum said...

Awkward. Or....compliment?

If it's any consolation my boss calls me 'loser' quite often. Not as endearing. And 'Abby' when she's in a good mood (NCIS).

for the love of pictures said...

How about 13). When your boss decides that you are the right person for her to talk to about the sensual massage oils and edible chocolate body paints that she bought to surprise her husband with for their anniversary.

Yeah. Awkward turtle indeed.

LiLu said...

The world is better with crusty and perverse 50 year old men.

They say everything I WANT to say, but can't.

Mrs Soup said...

Discussing whether or not to send chats of a sexual nature home to your wife by your supervisor.

Also having him ask me if we are trying for number two yet.

Aunt Becky said...

Dude. That is highly awkward.

JennyMac said...

Big Shooter? You take the BAD ASS in Bad Ass Geek out of the stratosphere when you are also being called Big Shooter.

Samsmama said...

How about when the guy you've been dating for about an hour stumbles across your 3 year old playing with your vibrator?

Or when the mother of an ex has too much too drink and starts telling you how uninterested in sex she is? And how dry she is?

And I'm really curious at to how this nickname came about. Just how close were you and your boss?

Kathy Garmus said...

If I overheard someone being called Big Shooter, I'd just assume he had an awesome 3-point shot. But I always was a little naive. There are some really excellent new definitions here. And I'd just like to mention that I've always thought the word awkward, more than any other word I can think of, kind of visually represents its meaning. It's just an awkward-looking word.

world of sekimachihato said...

"for some reason"!?
i think there must be more to this story than you are letting on!

just as long as your ex-boss didn't see you shoot... now that would be awkward!

Debbie said...

between your post and the comments, I have quite a few good giggles tonight!!:)

Badass Geek said...

MWA: Yes. That's awkward.

Kat: You pick.

Natalie: Um... yeah.

Sandy: That qualifies as awkward.

Laura: A tool indeed.

Frank and Mary: Oh dear god. Not good.

Myster G: You are a little deviant, aren't you...

Moonspun: It's a unique one.

Kristina: HA! Nice.

Employee No 3699: I honestly have no idea.

HBP: Something like that, yeah.

SPD: Interesting.

NFTG: Yeah, a name like that does lead to some thoughts.

Golublog: I just tried to pretend like he hadn't said it, the first time. Every other time, I winced.

WMDR: No. Not as endearing at all.

FTLOP: I wouldn't be able to look her in the eye ever again.

Lilu: True enough.

Mrs Soup: Supervisors and/or bosses should never ask about sex. Ever.

Aunt Becky: You know it.

JennyMac: You're right!

Sams Mama: I barely knew him at all. The nickname came about just after he was hired. I guess he just assumed.

Kathy Garmus: The word is a little awkward looking, isn't it.

WOS: There really isn't more to this story. I'm pretty sure I'd still be in therapy if there was.

Debbie: Good! I'm glad. =)

Cape Cod Gal said...

10. When you take a tampon out of you purse, placing it on your desk for ONE SECOND while you put you purse back in your desk drawer while one of your associates comes in (without knocking), takes one look at the tampon and says, "Oh, that's explains your mood today".

I love the nickname. I will call you that from now on.

Mrs. B said...

Finding out a fourteen year old girl is pregnant and hasn't told her family. I'm thinking I'm legally obligated to tell someone, but how, and do I tell the girl that I know and that I told?

Nej said...

Hmmmm....well....I guess it could have been worse??

Lola said...

It's better than being called Tiny Dancer!

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