Life, with all of its erratic twists and turns, often puts us in situations that force us to reach into the darkest, dustiest corners of one's vocabulary, in search of the best word to properly express how we feel. We save these words for moments of stress, elation, fear, surprise, or any other time where any other word just wouldn't suffice. We use these words to drive the point home, to ensure that the message gets received loud and clear.
If your Vocabulary Vault is anything like mine, though, the particular corner that houses profanity is less dustier than most, and sees more traffic than perhaps it should. To be honest, it's more than a corner. It's more like a Profanity Department, with multiple shelving units devoted to displaying the choicest of words, all of them shiny and ready for use. There are spotlights honoring the MVPs among them, the rest elegantly wreathed in a warm glow from track lighting.
Let's just say that if I tried to employ the Swear Jar system to encourage me to use less foul language by depositing a dollar each time I swore, I'd need to empty it weekly, if only to make room for the next week's deposits.
Being so prone to drop swear words in a normal conversation makes for some pretty awkward situations, especially during those tender moments involving family members and religious services. I've bitten my tongue more times than I can count just shy of unleashing a string of unsavory cuss words in front of someones grandmother/impressionable 10-year-old/my mother. They say that necessity is the mother of invention, so I've developed a system of profanity abbreviations to help combat Potty Mouth.
Feel free to take notes. These may come in handy.
CTFD: Calm The Fuck Down. Appropriate in situations where a companion is freaking out about something inconsequential, demanding that he/she calm down immediately.CTFO: Chill The Fuck Out. An alternative to the above abbreviation.PFH: Pretty Fucking Hungry. A response to the question of "How hungry are you?". Could also stand for Pretty Fucking Horny. No further explanation needed.SFW: Stupid Fucking Whore. Not to be confused with the Internet abbreviation "Safe For Work". Useful in situations where someone cuts you off in traffic or slams into the back of your heels with a shopping cart.TFB: Too Fucking Bad, or That Fucking Blows, depending upon context. Appropriate when expressing sentiments of "Oh, well," or "That sucks."
While this is a pretty short list, I find that these are the most commonly used abbreviations in my repertoire. Feel free to use them as you see fit, and be sure to report back with the results. Share these with friends, family, co-workers, youth pastors, anyone you know that has a dirty mouth in need of a PR make-over.
Can anyone else come up with a swear-word abbreviation that I may have missed?