Wednesday, October 14, 2009

In Which I Am Observant, Part Eight

Have you ever noticed that the one time you give your friend (who is always sending you raunchy and obscene text messages) the benefit of the doubt and open a newly-received message from her, in front of your mother, only to find out that the message has an embedded sound effect that screams out a nickname for the vagina that is also an old-fashioned term for felines?

Have you ever noticed that you will find the weirdest sites bookmarked on other people's computers? And that you'll wish you hadn't snooped around when you offered to fix your sister's laptop and found the Adult Sex Toy site bookmark?

Have you ever noticed that if you get a song stuck in your head that you actually like, and after singing it to yourself 387 times in one afternoon, you'll eventually come to hate the song?

Have you ever noticed that when you salvage batteries from the one remote control you never use for something more important, you'll find that you need that remote for something within the next week? But only after you've settled down on the couch and are extremely comfortable?

Have you ever noticed that the one time you sneeze into your arm instead of into your hands is the time that a globule of snot the size of a Geo Metro will come out and fuse itself deep into the fabric on your sleeve?

No?

Well, I have. What have you noticed this week?

(Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four , Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven)

39 Comments:

Tammy Howard said...

I'm just glad your sis is using adult sex toys instead of some other kind...

Moonspun said...

that sneezing snot thing is SO true and you'll be wearing the kind of top that make it hard to get off easily and it will dry and...well you get the picture.

Natalie said...

When you get a song stuck in your head it's an ear worm. The most fun is when you are successful in giving an ear worm to someone else.

Little Ms Blogger said...

The last one is just too gross for words....and I'm glad I ate breakfast.....

I have a brain cramp and have noticed nothing to note. Sad, but true...oh wait, I've had no caffeine --- guess caffeine is far more important than I thought.

Organic Meatbag said...

Haahahaha! I can relate, especially on the remote control thing...I'll tell you what I have noticed...since when did "speed bumps" become "speed humps?!"

JennyMac said...

Your poor eyes on the bookmark on your sis' computer...my brother would cringe over that too. (I dont have it bookmarked...mind you...LOL).

Alan said...

I've noticed that if I don't check my Google reader over the weekend and visit it on Monday afternoon I'm screwed...

dsmcaron said...

I have noticed that when you finally get to the bottom of the laundry, the laundry hamper magically refills. There are only two human beings in my house, but I do laundry constantly.

Mwa said...

I've only ever noticed two of these.

And I've also noticed that if you think it's funny to occasionally and randomly lick your children's faces, eventually they don't trust you to kiss them any more.

minivan soapbox said...

I've noticed that I shouldn't pat myself on the back for never having a kid with lice...b/c, well yea..you can guess. Oh, and also, Lice Shampoo melts nail polish off of your hands. So, it's $25 bucks for the shampoo and another $30 for another manicure. Asshole Lice.

Lady Mama said...

I haven't noticed those things... But I have noticed that despite asking very nicely for Autumn to stick around a little longer, my house is already surrounded by half a foot of snow. Blargh.

Nej said...

I have musical flypaper for a brain. One a song gets stuck, it's there for days. Argh!!!!!! :-) :-)

Have you ever noticed that no one but you ever rides in your vehicle....until you go camping one weekend, get lazy, and a week later still haven't emptied the camping gear that FILLS your back seat....then someone needs or wants a ride. Every day. A new person. The whole week. :-)

Mrs Soup said...

EVERYTHING is so true! So very very true.

Jaime said...

Um... no, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I noticed that my happiness is directly proportional to how much food I ingest.

Anybody else? Bueller?

JanB said...

I've noticed that my dream life is more active (and fulfilling) then my sex life.

Kaylen said...

Ha - these are great!
Does someone really need to bookmark the sex toy store? Do they really buy that often that they want to make sure to use the same store?

We swap batteries from remotes to games to controllers to radios all the time!! It's like we only really only own 4 batteries and have to share them amongst everything. I don't know why we live this way...

Samsmama said...

That sneezing thing is so true! Same with the batteries. Like Kaylen said, it's as if we only have a rationed amount for all our stuff.

I've noticed that if I leave any amount of cash out in the open that my husband will take it.

I've noticed that no two clocks in our house display the same time.

Aunt Becky said...

I've noticed that...hm...Twitter has a virus. So watch out.

Coach J said...

I've done the damn text message thing more times than I really should. This time I swear it: I will no longer open texts from Steve.

Melissa said...

I have had something similar happen at work. Today in fact. Felt a sneeze coming on, while my boss was leaning over my shoulder dictating what I should change in a PPT presentation and I didnt grab the tissue fast enough. I should mention that I have had a cold for the past 5 days, and this was my first day back since Friday.. Snot dripping from the screen. Yeah, yummy. I could HEAR him trying to stop his gag reflex.

Hit 40 said...

I want a pussy message to pop out of my phone!! Excellent

Mad Woman said...

I've noticed that the ONE time this week that I did not do the dishes, clean up the kitchen, wipe down the bathrooms and vacuum the entire house....was the day someone stopped by. I pretended NOT to notice the look of disgust in their eyes.

mumma boo said...

I've noticed that I haven't noticed much this week. I must do something about that.

Lola said...

I noticed that my dog had a really swollen nipple, bright red and three times the size of the other ones...

Heather said...

I have noticed that you NEVER fail to make me laugh! I love your posts, but don't always get to comment on them ~ our work WebMaster will let me read my favorite blogs in Google Reader but I can't leave comments. So thank you for the daily smiles!

daria said...

Speaking of sex toys, here's a thought: http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/vibrator/ The end.

Maureen said...

I think the next fashion trend should be Kleenex sleeves. In which you can pull out a square after sneezing or coughing into it and throw it away.

Badass Geek said...

Tammy Howard: Good point.

Moonspun: It'll look like something much more obscene than snot.

Natalie: I HATE that.

Little Ms Blogger: Caffeine is vital.

Organic Meatbag: It's kind of a derogatory name, isn't it?

JennyMac: I wouldn't bookmark such a site. I'd just remember the URL and clear my history afterwards.

Alan: Me, too.

DSMCaron: Funny, isn't it?

Mwa: My wife does that to me sometimes, when I lean in to kiss her. I, too, wonder sometimes if she's going to kiss me back, or lick me.

Minivan Soapbox: Lice ARE assholes.

Lady Mama: Bummer, dude.

Nej: I think it's a curse of being a musician.

Mrs Soup: Indeed.

Jaime: Me, too!

Jan B: Well... at least you're dreaming about it instead of nothing at all.

Kaylen: Batteries can be expensive.

Sams Mama: Hey, open cash is fair game.

Aunt Becky: Uh oh.

Coach J: Unless you are by yourself, that's probably a good idea.

Melissa: That's HOT.

Hit 40: That could probably be arranged.

Mad Woman: Figures, eh?

Mumma Boo: Probably, yes.

Lola: Ouch. That doesn't sound good at all.

Heather: You are very welcome!

Daria: Oh, dear Lord.

Maureen: Thats a million dollar idea, right there!

carissajaded said...

hahaha soooo true! (about the sneezing into your arm part, I meant.)That first part about the text message too. The only time my mother ever answered my phone, my deaf boyfriend (at the time) decided to drunkenly have a translator call me and talk dirty. It was an asian women, and not only was my mom shocked but she was also very confused.

angie said...

EEWWWWWWW.

Hope haven't noticed even ONE of those things this week. You got all the excitement, apparently. :)

The Good Cook said...

I've noticed that EVERYTIME I have a weekend planned it freakin rains. Or in this case - snows and rains. Heading to Upstate NY - frozen land....

Miss Mariposa said...

i hate it when you are talking to someone and you have to sneeze and you think its going to be small then ACHOOO! you have boogers on the palm of your hand.

then you have to be very obvious say "excuse me" because boogers are almost going into your mouth as well..

no?


ok then nvm... :)

Critty Critty Bang Bang said...

I've noticed that some people can poop anywhere and without inhibition.
It's a hard, smelly truth to learn.

Mrs. B said...

No.
Adult Sex Toy site- Are there Kid Sex Toy sites?
Yes.
Totally!
Yes.

Cheryl said...

Oh my god this is the only thing that made me laugh today. You're amazing!

And yes, I'm never fixing anyone's computers again. Like, my brother has fucking cartoon porn.

Night Owl Mama said...

On that outburst of laughter I'm heading off to bed. thanks 4 the gut buster!

sometimesmylifeisrandom said...

I was fixing my boss's computer and saw ratemyboobs.com bookmarked... yeah, that was weird.

Manju said...

ahahaha! this post made me laugh! i don't mind finding my brother's porn. it sort of comes in handy whenever i need to blackmail him to do something!
thanks for dropping by my blog ^^

Cape Cod Gal said...

I am going to erase all my bookmarks now.

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