Wednesday, October 21, 2009

In Which I Have To Wonder, Again

"Alright, people. If you don't mind, I'd like to get this meeting underway."

Despite it's pinched, nasal quality, the voice belonging to the man in the badly tailored suit standing at the front of the conference room managed to get the attention of the room. The murmur of voices from the four other people in the room died down, and save for the rustling whisper of shifting papers, the room fell quiet. The man cleared his throat and self consciously adjusted the lapel of his suit.

"Okay. You all should know by now that we've got this new product launching in a few weeks. It's not technically a new product more than it is a revamped version of an older one, but either way we've been tasked with the responsibility of coming up with the package branding."

Stepping off to the side, Mr Bad Suit pulls a small remote out of his pocket and aims it at a projector on the long oval conference table. It jumps to life with a click, casting an image of the product on the far wall of the room.

"We've been instructed to come up with a short slogan, something that advises the consumer of the benefits of this newer product over the older one. It has to convince the consumer to purchase our product over our competitors, and it has to fit within our corporate branding style."

Mr Bad Suit paused for a moment, turning to scan the faces of the people in the room. "Any thoughts?"

The breathy whir of the projector's cooling fan is the only sound heard in the room.

"No one?" Mr Bad Suit asks. "Okay, then. I know it's early, and yeah, it's Monday, but we've only got until this afternoon to come up with something. It's got to be approved by the marketing execs by tomorrow. The final package design goes out Wednesday morning to the company that makes the packaging."

He points the remote at the projector again, and it clicks off.

"Get some coffee, and get to work."


The final result:

I have to wonder how many slogans were scrapped before they decided on this one. I don't have a lot of experience in advertising or product branding, but I think that, if given enough time, I could come up with something better than "Won't Pull Out".

Why they'd want to have branding on their product that sounds like a phrase used by an irresponsible frat boy is beyond me.


Tammy Howard said...

As far from the world of marketing as I am, it's hard to even imagine a meeting about branding hairbands...

Wonder what ideas were rejected?

Natalie said...

You know there is some intern somewhere who was dared to pitch that slogan.

f8hasit said...

I've been asked to be part of some marketing research over the I know companies spend ALOT of money doing research before the marketing campaign hits.

There have been SO many commercials and branding that makes me think, "And how did that get by the board?"

Won't pull out.
Hmmm. The coffee must have been pretty bad.

Moonspun said...

Oh I love Won't pull out! And yea, you do have to wonder, don't you?

~Jennifer~ said...

Aren't Scunci products cheapish hair accessories marketed towards kids and teens?

Maybe the slogan is a warning for their futures. I mean, I used scunci and now have some kids a la the aforementioned method.

Maureen said...

Methinks they'd should've pulled out.

Alan said...

Well...I don't think it's so bad. Especially if they are wearing protection. Wait...that's not right...

Samsmama said...

Brilliant! I love the determination, sends a good message to today's youth.

Logical Libby said...

I hate rubber bands that don't use the rhythm method.

Aunt Juicebox said...

What would be the advantage of having hairbands that won't pull out? Ouch.

dsmcaron said...

In journalism school we were taught to edit with a dirty mind. Apparently that isn't making the rounds in the marketing curriculum. Besides, you have to be able to pull it out. How about "Won't Fall Out" or is that also slightly questionable? heh heh

Mrs Soup said...

So so sad....

Aunt Becky said...

"Now with less Morning After Prayer."

Lana said...

even worse for me is the fact that some dummy actually got paid for that.

Melanie's Randomness said...

Hmmmm...ironically in my office there is a glass windowed room you can see through so I'm watching my boss talk to people about something...(damn sound-proof glass) but all i can imagine is him pitching "Won't Pull Out". LOL!!

If it won't pull out sooo um it's gunna be in your hair?? for like ever??? I'm good. I'll pass. =)

Notes From the Grove said...

That reminds me of my old boyfriend. He was an ass.

LiLu said...

I guess they figure sex sells? Even irresponsible frat boy sex?

Mwa said...

What about the rest of the slogan? That used to say "Won't pull out
What was the something - that's what I'm wondering.
Won't pull out, honest!
Won't pull out, even if it promised to.
Won't pull out, because it only works after having enough alcohol so it'll forget.
What? Oh what did it say?

Suzy Voices said...

I wonder about ads like this all the time. I picture the folks sitting around a table, someone pitching and idea and everyone saying, "Yeah that's great!"

sn0tty said...

The most amazing thing to me being, I buy these all the time and have NEVER seen that slogan.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Sounds like a slogan for a bad tampon....

gingermagnolia said...

Scunci: we finish what we start.

Lola said...

My slogan would be, "If you don't pull out when I want you to, you'll never use it again!"

LucyCooper said...

"Strap One On"

Bolder. More butch, less passive.

That would have been my suggestion.

Nyx said...

Y'know what I'm wondering?

There's a comma.

What's the rest of it say?

lovelila said...

Hahahahahaha! They really don't pull out, though. lol, wow.

Mad Woman said...

I really want to know what the rest said. It's really open to some sketchy interpretation. Scary stuff. Won't pull you'll have to chop all your hair off? Won't pull out, because neither did your boyfriend?

Miss Mariposa said...

what wont pull out?

for the love of pictures said...

That is hilarious. I'm also wondering what came after the comma. Oh my goodness, I just typed that I'm wondering what came after 'won't pull out'. Yeah, it is so past time for me to go to sleep :)

Kate said...

That is great but I really want to know what the bad ideas were!


Sandy said...

I've often pictured those rooms where a bunch of marketing types sit around and come up with these dumb ad campaigns they accost us with daily. Thank goodness for the remote and the next page.

Badass Geek said...

Tammy Howard: I wonder that, too.

Natalie: Most likely.

F8hasit: Must have been.

Moonspun: I do. It's just... it's just.

Jennifer: Good insight!

Maureen: I think so, too.

Alan: Yeah.

Sams Mama: Doesn't it?

Logical Libby: They never learn.

Aunt Juicebox: I know. Seems painful to me.

Dsmcaron: "Won't fall out" seems better to me.

Mrs Soup: Agreed.

Aunt Becky: YES.

Lana: I KNOW.

Melanie's Randomness: I'd pass, too.

NFTG: Sounds like it.

LiLu: That must be it.

Mwa: Your guess is as good as mine.

Suzy Voices: Except not so great.

Sn0tty: You're welcome.

Little Ms Blogger: It sort of does.

Ginger Magnolia: Indeed.

Lola: Sounds good to me!

Lucy Cooper: Indeed.

Nyx: I wondered that, too.

Love Lila: Good to know!

Mad Woman: It really is open ended.

Miss Mariposa: Hair elastics.

FTLOP: I'll have to find out what it said.

Kate: Me, too!

Sandy: What a job to have, eh?

Sassy Pie said...

Whatever happened to the good 'ol fashioned pull out & pray?

Kids these days. Sometimes you gotta do it old school.

Andrea said...

I often wonder if it's a competition now in advertising to see who can get away with the dirtiest slogan that can still be passed off as, "What? It's just a slogan..."

Chris Mancini said...

WILL pull out may have been a better slogan, and maybe even a better product. I'm just saying.

Night Owl Mama said...

looks like some dingy made a bad typo and decided to go w/it
thanks or the laugh

Amy said...

Great! Now I have to think about birth control for my hair bands???

This is getting pricy!

Melissa said...

This isnt as funny as the covered up version. I actually DO look for bands that will not pull out my hair, or damage it lol.

Hit 40 said...

This is the story of supersperm on my side bar!!! My husband thought he was the master of the pull out!! NO!!!

JennyMac said...

The only thing funnier than the actual slogan is the classification a la Fraternity Boy you gave it. LOL!

Amber Page Writes said...

50 bucks says it was the client's idea. No, 100 bucks. Clients are the source of all bad ideas.

Not that I'm a bitter copywriter or anything...

Nej said...

Even more baffling is the fact they were paid for that slogan. :-)

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