You might think it odd that I'm writing a post about what I'm thankful for on the day after Thanksgiving. I'll agree that it is a bit unorthodox, but then again, so am I. When I was thinking about what I was going to write about for this post, I realized that if I went the traditional route, I'd be listing off all the things that most of you wrote or read about a lot this week already. Don't get me wrong, I truly am thankful for family, friends, my health, my job, my wife, and all those other things that make life worth living (including you, my readers), but I didn't want to do that. I started to think about some other things that I am thankful for.
Specifically, things I am thankful to not have.
I'm thankful that I no longer have a job in retail that requires me to be to work really super fucking early in the morning the day after I eat way too much of a food that makes me exceedingly sleepy. As if fighting the insane crowds and stampedes of people rushing around trying to get the choicest of sale items wasn't bad enough already. My sympathies to those who have retail jobs, because today is going to suck for you. I've been there before, and I'll never do it again.
I'm thankful I that I don't have an intestinal parasite, because I don't like sharing my food.
I'm thankful that I don't have the gene that makes me turn into a werewolf*. That would really cramp my style. I'm sure there would be times where being able to change into a wolf would be cool, but I really just don't like the taste of kibble.
I'm thankful that I am not in stuck in a rogue helium balloon, floating somewhere over Fort Collins, Colorado, because that would be fucking scary. And then I'd probably be so worked up about it that afterwards, I'd vomit into a Tupperware container while sitting in front of the cameras during a live television interview. How embarrassing would that be?
Most of all, though, I am thankful that I am not the guy in the bottom center of this Gap advertisement:
Having to sit through a long photo shoot, posing with my mouth open less than a foot away from a baby's ass? No, thank you.
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Enjoy the leftovers, and have a good weekend.
*Yes, I went to see "New Moon" with The Boss. I survived... barely.
*Yes, I went to see "New Moon" with The Boss. I survived... barely.
28 Comments:
That's a great one... I'm thankful I don't have a parasite. Classic.
--->HAHAHA.... Thank you for the laugh this morning. What a great list.
www.WebSavyMom.com
One more thing - - you're thankful for MUFFNUTS!
I hate those commercials so much that it makes me stabby and mean to THINK about them.
My nephew actually asked me the other day if werewolves were real. Because he knew vampires weren't, but still hadn't gotten a direct answer about werewolves.
I too have worked in Retailing - that was my degree from College! What a zoo black fridays were & the entire Christmas shopping season!
Would I go back into Retail, NEVER!!!
it's never too late to be thankful. And I wouldn't go shopping today if you paid me a million dollars. Well, that's a lie, but you get the idea.
I kind of wish I did have an intestinal parasite. I wouldn't mind sharing if I could eat more.
Word to the retail shout out! I worked a full two days at Abercrombie and Fitch while in college. One of those days was Black Friday. I still have nightmares.
I'm with BugginWord. So happy to be out of the retail world. I have to admit, working at at store with a generous discount did come in handy, but that's what friends are for. I am thankful for friends with discounts.
I'm thankful Thanksgiving is over ;)
Yeah, don't be too hard on parasites. I mean, I've heard they cause you to lose weight. Right?
HAHA!! OH I love this post!! I used to work retail for years so Omg I feel ya on that. I'm glad you don't have the werewolf gene. Electrolysis hair removal is ALOT OF MONEY! hehe. Happy belated Thanksgiving!!
I'm thankful for not being dumb enough to go shopping at 3 a.m.
Awesome list. I, too, am thankful that I don't work retail (shudders) that's way scarier than werewolves...
Mwa: I thought so. =)
Deb Thaxton: I am SO thankful for muffnuts.
Aunt Becky: ME, TOO. The Boss likes to try to sing along with them.
Logical Libby: Was he disappointed?
Christina: Me, neither.
Jane Lively: I sure do.
Jennifer: Good point.
BugginWorld: I believe it.
P-Huong: Me, too.
Lola: I bet you are. =)
Aunt Juicebox: Yes, but you're a host to a parasite. *SHUDDER*
Melanie's Randomness: And shaving is just a bitch.
Sandy: Me, too.
Tammy Howard: This time of year? Totally.
Greatest...post...ever. HYSTERICAL!!!
You know, I'm thankful to not have a parasite, too. What a coincidence!
Ha that was awesome!!!! Thanks for brightening up my depressing weekend :)
You are so funny. Oh my goodness so funny! : ) I tore out an ad like that for Gap to try to copy : ) but I will make sure no one is under the baby bum! : )
Oh man you are right. That guy looks SAD.
I came looking for a laugh and you didn't disappoint.
Therefore, I am thankful for your blog.
I am thankful for posts like this and for being back safe in Vermont!
LOL! Yeah, I can see baby blowout happening all over that guy's face. SICK! (But totally funny.)
Now you know that guy was the first one up from the circle every time the kid farted. Great post!
Ahahahaha, I'm so thankful I'm not that guy either!
I don't think I've ever seen that GAP ad....and I'm thankful for it. :-)
This year, I was thankful for hilarious blogs (like yours :) and for long weekends. Who am I kidding? I'm thankful for long weekends all the time.
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