To: masterbaker@rr.com
Date: Tuesday, November 23rd at 7:14 AM
Dear Sir or Madam,
Recently, I was made aware through an anonymous tip that you have developed a food product that combines the flavor and consistency of a plain donut and the shape of a muffin. The tip I received detailed a specific concern about this business endeavor of yours, and I wish to address that concern through this e-mail.
The issue is not of the product itself, but rather the name you have chosen for it, "Muffnuts". It is undoubtedly a clever and catchy combination of the words "muffin" and "doughnut", but the abbreviated sections of these two words have secondary meanings.
UrbanDictionary.com states that the term "muff" is a slang word for the vagina. And of course, it is common knowledge that the term "nuts" can be used to refer to a man's testicles, or to use another slang word, a man's balls. Therefore, with naming your product "Muffnuts", the result your hard work and culinary trial-and-error, you are essentially calling it "VaginaBalls". Not quite the image one would prefer to have in mind when they are about to ingest a tasty snack, if you ask me.
The combination of the two foods into one doesn't exactly lend itself to an easy name, short of the one you've already selected, but I highly suggest brainstorming to come up with a new one. "Muffnuts" is not really a proper name in today's generation for sale of a food item. Unless, of course, you intend on marketing and selling this product specifically to people with cunnilingus or tea-bagging fetishes. Then by all means, keep the original name.
Please heed my suggestions to avoid any potential embarrassment or loss of clients.
Respectfully yours,
Anonymous
UrbanDictionary.com states that the term "muff" is a slang word for the vagina. And of course, it is common knowledge that the term "nuts" can be used to refer to a man's testicles, or to use another slang word, a man's balls. Therefore, with naming your product "Muffnuts", the result your hard work and culinary trial-and-error, you are essentially calling it "VaginaBalls". Not quite the image one would prefer to have in mind when they are about to ingest a tasty snack, if you ask me.
The combination of the two foods into one doesn't exactly lend itself to an easy name, short of the one you've already selected, but I highly suggest brainstorming to come up with a new one. "Muffnuts" is not really a proper name in today's generation for sale of a food item. Unless, of course, you intend on marketing and selling this product specifically to people with cunnilingus or tea-bagging fetishes. Then by all means, keep the original name.
Please heed my suggestions to avoid any potential embarrassment or loss of clients.
Respectfully yours,
Anonymous
33 Comments:
What are they doing in the kitchen there?
Please tell me you actually hit the send button?
I know I probably shouldn't think this is funny but I do. Hucking Filarious.
Hopefully the parents will take the hint.
Omg this is hysterical. Who the hell would think of a name like that?? I can just see it now the lil kids saying, "Oh mommy I want a Muffnut". geez. yeah please do send this. =)
It would be better if the kid asked for a "VaginaBalls."
Yay! Yes, please tell us you sent it to them like that.
Even if not for the VaginaBalls connotation, Muffnuts is a bad name. I doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it? It's bad. Almost as bad as the hair removal product called Nads. Marketing firms should employ urban slang experts to avoid these pitfalls.
Laughing so hard there are tears. bwa ha haaaaaa
Would NutMuffs be better?
In our house, they'll never be anything but muffnuts. And they're fucking tasty. :-)
I really like the name vagina balls, but yeah - a lot of buyers would be very disappointed to learn it was just a lump of fried bread.
MMM VAGINABALLS.
Hey, at least they're not calling them Crotch Cookies. ;) Happy Thanksgiving, Badass! Put that memo someplace highly visible tomorrow!
I am SO sending out packages of Muffnuts for Christmas, this year. Or maybe they should be in sacks?
I'm not sure....
omg...lmao... I am going to bust a stitch!
That. Is. Simply. AWESOME.
Are they glazed? Because that would be perfection.
Oh PLEASE tell me you sent that. Please!! VaginaBalls. Awesome.
I'm hoping you didn't send it. Let Muffnuts go national!!!
You really, really need to tell them, BAG. You do.
VaginaBalls is kinda catchy.
It couldn't be more clearly explained!
ha ha ha.... Hilarious...
I don't know, man. I'd much rather eat Vaginaballs than doughnuts, since doughnuts give me indigestion and the squirts ;)
Beth: I'm not sure. Also? I don't want to know.
Kate: I'm still thinking it over.
Tina Lane: Oh, it's totally hucking filarious.
The Peach Tart: It may mortify them.
Melanie's Randomness: The name just sort of jumped out at them, I guess.
Coach J: Indeed, it would be better.
Mwa: Still thinking about it.
LucyCooper: I agree completely.
Chibi Jeebs: Me, as well.
The Good Cook: No, actually. Nutmuffs sounds like a product designed to keep one's testicles warm.
Tammy Howard: Indeed!
Tattytiara: Oh, they're not fried. They're baked.
Miss Mariposa: Sounds appetizing, no?
Mumma Boo: God, crotch cookies. HILARIOUS.
JIS: They should totally be in sacks.
Beautiful Wreck: Please don't. =)
Mommy Geek: Isn't it? I couldn't make this up.
Samsmama: No, but that sounds like that would be extra super good.
Mad Woman: No, not yet. Yet.
One Sassy Girl: Wouldn't that be a riot?
Aunt Becky: I know. I KNOW. I just don't wanna.
Sandy: It does have a little ring to it.
Caron: Well, thank you.
Sonia: Thank you!
Lola: Well, there you go. =)
I like Muffnuts regardless!
People who try to come up with creative names for foods really need to be more aware of their word choices. Somebody decided to name an energy drink Boo Koo. Translated into Vietnamese = (literally) suck d1ck.
LOL. I'm so sorry. I didn't see the previous post about these muffnuts. Your parents came up with the name? Okay, then that makes it funny and cute.
Seriously? Muffnuts?
I must buy.
Love your parents, still!
I'd call them that forever and ever, it may be wrong, but it's funny. And I can see how telling the parental units would be....well...uncomfortable. They are probably very proud of the name the came up with.
But really, they must be told. :-)
Oh. My. God. That is just too funny :) Wow!
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