Wednesday, January 6, 2010

In Which I Interpret

I received an odd comment last week. It was on the entry where I talked about starting my new job, and how Christmas went for The Boss and I. I've gone back to re-read the comment a few times to try to understand it, but as it is written, I think understanding it would be like trying to make Paris Hilton seem intelligent. It's just not going to happen.

The comment was left, of course, by Anonymous. It reads as follows:
Today is the way he was perfectly lovely the first rate. Hit seemed like he would rip and motivate me. I suppose it, and the river a-fishing, and I'd be lying if I am nervous, and when he could do it, but it'll be sentimentering. We was just born for the river a-fishing, glad to him, and the cellar cupboard and mighty soon the job I don't know Arkansas. I'm a-saying'. Fur as that excavating my new that I get home late to supper, and when he. Working around other people will have to challenge and took my breath and the cellar cupboard and I'd be starting something new job, glad to him. I'm a-saying'. Fur as that he could do it, and I'd be sentimentering. I'll just glad to be moving on Aunt Sally's dress that I wasn't nervous. Well, but jist this n s a while prior to him, and most fainted. You prepared to, so I'm a-saying'. Fur as that I don't know Arkansas. If that excavating my breath and I'd be sentimentering.
Talk about confusing. I think my toenail clippings could come up with a more coherent comment than that.

I thought I'd offer my interpretation of the comment so it'd actually, you know, make some sort of sense:
Perfect. Today is the day he's going to make "first-rate" love to me. It seemed like he would rip me, which didn't exactly motivate me. I suppose that if the river is for fishing, then I'll let him do it. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, but maybe I'm just being sentimental. I was born because of river fishing, and I should be glad to have him. At least it's not happening in some cellar cupboard in Arkansas. The mighty job will be over soon. I'm just sayin'. Walking around other people will be a challenge afterwards, he says. It'll take your breath away, he says. But like I've said, I'm glad to have him. It's like a new job. I'm just sayin'. I'm sure he can do it, and I'm just being sentimental. Or is it sentimentering? I'll just be glad to be moving on, even though I'm nervous to be doing this while wearing Aunt Sally's dress. Well, I tried to do this prior to knowing him, and I almost fainted. I'm prepared now, so I'm just sayin'. Here in Arkansas, I don't know if it's worth excavating, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm just sentimental. 
Good gravy.

Through this, I think it's safe to assume that the gender of the ever-popular Anonymous is female, and she's nervous about losing her virginity. It sounds like the guy she's with is packing a five-dollar-footlong (if you know what I mean), so I'd be nervous, too.

I'm just a saying'.

47 Comments:

The Good Cook said...

Wow. Do you really think this comment is legit? I'm thinking it's Spam of another order....

Organic Meatbag said...

Haaa! Well, at least you are getting good use out of Aunt Sally's dress... I'm just taking care of her Schnoodle...is that a euphemism? I hope not!

The Peach Tart said...

Wow. I don't know what to say about that comment.

Moonspun said...

Oh my. It's amazing how people can supposedly speak the same language and yet you can't understand a damn thing they say. I think you did pretty well, my friend!

Little Ms Blogger said...

Okay that has to be the oddest comment ever to a blog entry about Christmas.

Maybe she lost her virginity for Christmas and he got a new rod.

JennyMac said...

What I actually wrote was "fur as that I dont LOVE Arkansas..."

FCT said...

haha that's hilarious!

Melanie's Randomness said...

This comment kinda reminds me of when back in high school they gave us those classic books in the old English & we had to do our "Intrepretations" of them. Maybe she's a Donnie Darko fan with the whole "Cellar Door" that's in the movie alot. I dunno. Anonymous commenters are causing more trouble these days. hmmmmmm.....

Well I hope you have a good day nonetheless.

T~ said...

That's really unusual, interesting, and a tad strange... to say the least. Wonder if it's a quote, but from what?

Gaurav Kant Goel said...

:))

Definitely, this 'anonymous' seems to be a female and your interpretation seems to be fool-proof.

dcrelief said...

"In which I..." comment:
Paris wishes!
Have you tried the "Navajo code"?
Random excerpts from your previous post.
"Fur"ther than that, "Ah-can't-say."

La Skeletor said...

Hmmm....I may move to Arkansas.

Azaad!! said...

Hahaha.. That was funny... a damn good interpretation of the comment which I want to believe was in English.. Glad you broke it down for us! ;)

jaysmom said...

Oh my...

Alan said...

I'm thinking you nailed it (well...not exactly but you get my drift...)!

carissajaded said...

Bahahahah!!! Very nice Badass. Hmm I wonder if that coulda been me when I was on some ambien? It very well could have been. If so I'm sorry.

Scribe said...

That was English?

Feral Female said...

Well done interpretation there Geek!

ForeverRhonda said...

I'm glad you interpreted that for us! Interesting!

Aunt Juicebox said...

I've gotten spam emails that were unintelligible like that. I've never been able to translate them though, so now I know who to go to for help if I ever get another one.

Ms. Random said...

This comment reminds me of a friend of mind who posted a Note on Facebook about Dark Suede. Here is his explanation:

"Dark Suede is a broad category which can apply to prose and poetry alike. There are no strict format rules like a haiku, so one is free to construct Dark Suede pieces however one chooses so long as the piece is comprised of words which, when read and interpreted by a native speaker of the language, results in gibberish which almost makes sense at times. The reader of a Dark Suede piece is meant to come away amused and confused." (Mr. Suave)

Here was my attempt:
Beautifully written is the rhythm that disturbs
the plundering adolescence of the wondering eye.
Which of these pestering crocodiles swallows the notes?
Only the literary brilliance knows.

Nej said...

Wow. There are no words for that.

At least no words that would make sense.

Brenda said...

I've been getting these same sort of anonymous comments on my blog eversince Blogger gave me a "Blogs of Note" mention. I don't know if that's a coincidence or not. Either way I've since disabled Anonymous commenting on my blog because it was starting to annoy the shiz out of moi. It's my blog and it's my rules ya' know.

ps. I only discovered your blog through BON but I think you fully rocketh!

TechnoBabe said...

That's either a gag from someone who knows you or someone on meth.

Dylan Murphy said...

That post sounded like Hagrid from Harry Potter's foreign cousin. And the Dark Suede post sounds like most poetry I ever read in school. Somehow professors always managed to extract meaning. I never understood how.

Mistress and nakeysub said...

ROTFLMAO! You've gotta love spam comments. I get ones like that all the time. I think they use some sort of random text generator, or they randomly pull text from somewhere on the internet. *LOL* Sometimes it's a fun game trying to figure out where the heck they stole it from. *LOL*

A friend of mine got one once she thought was a death threat until we did some Googling and found out it was mashed together jumble from a sci-fi novel. *LOL*

Sandy said...

Thanks for the translation, 'cause after I read that all I could say was HUH?

Stevi said...

Hahaha. Classic. Maybe the person was a little tipsy while leaving this comment? Just a thought. Good thing you interpreted it, now it makes perfect sense...........kinda.

WebSavvyMom said...

-->Have you copied it and googled it to see if it's spam? I'm hoping *fingers crossed* that it is because there is another American giving poor Arkansas a bad name. They finally got past birthin' Bill Clinton.

www.WebSavvyMom.com

KateWeber said...

I had to give up reading the original half way through. It made my head hurt.

Melissa said...

I was totally scratching my head the first time I read that on the Christmas post. Glad you cleared that up. May I send you my e-mails from my 10 year old Yahoo account that I have to keep open lest someone steal my identity?

TS Hendrik said...

Awesome complete liked good thought your traslitteration of speaking idiots. total stuff funny.

DucttapeCupcake said...

Oh wow, Whoever posted that was either really lacking in the intelligence section, or was a loser pretending to be stupid and post a comment like that :\

But nice interpretation!

Grace said...

Nice interpretation. I'm wondering though why that was a comment on your post?

R.Aguilera said...

Like a wise man once said...
"Cocaine is a hell of a drug".

Helen40 said...

Could it be a poor English translation of a foreign version of Huckleberry Finn?

This is a quote from Huckleberry Finn:

"Well, the old man he liked that speech, and he mighty soon got it so he could do it first rate. It seemed like he was just born for it; and when he had his hand in and was excited, it was perfectly lovely the way he would rip and tear and rair up behind when he was getting it off."

The language seems similar. Also there is a lot of river fishing in Huckleberry Finn, an Aunt Sally Phelps and Arkansas features in it too.

My little bit of detective work for the morning.

See: http://www.enotes.com/adventures-of-huckleberry-finn-text/chapter-xxi-arkansaw-difficulty

Badass Geek said...

The Good Cook: I think the likelihood of it being spam is pretty high, too.

Organic Meatbag: Me, too.

The Peach Tart: Me, either, really.

Moonspun: Thank you!

Little Ms Blogger: Both entirely possible.

JennyMac: Ah, I get it now.

FCT: Thanks!

Melanie's Randomness: They really are, aren't they?

T: I have no idea.

Gaurav Kant Goel: Clearly. =)

Dcrelief: I have not, no.

La Skeletor: Seems intriguing, doesn't it?

Azaad: No problem.

Jaysmom: Indeed.

Alan: I sure do!

CarissaJaded: Ambien is good stuff.

Scribe: Some form of it, yeah.

Feral Female: Thank you kindly!

ForeverRhonda: You're welcome. =)

Aunt Juicebox: Yes, you do.

Ms. Random: The last line is very true.

Nej: Exactly!

Brenda: It musn't be a coincidence, then.

TechnoBabe: Or both.

Dylan Murphy: Me, either.

Mistress and Nakeysub: NICE.

Sandy: It puzzled me for a while, too.

Stevi: As much sense as it could make.

WebSavvyMom: I didn't search it up, no. Didn't occur to me to do that.

KateWeber: I know, right?

Melissa: Sure, why not?

TS Hendrik: Brilliant attempt at copying the format of the original comment.

DucttapeCupcake: Either or. =)

Grace: I have no idea.

R.Aguilera: Indeed it is... or so I've heard.

Helen40: Brilliant! I think that fits quite well.

Angie said...

I think anonymous might be a robot... like a blog trolling robot with no real purpose to exist. But your interpretation is bloody brilliant.

photographsNwhite08 said...

Why the hell would someone leave a comment like that? I really don't know what to say to a comment like this one, lol.

Just Steve said...

Looks like someone has not yet gave birth to their head from their ass.

Tuesday Kid said...

It might come out her mouth covered in the blood.

Nyx said...

Huh...out of all that, the only thing I can comment on is...

sentimentering. I love it. I want it to be a word. It rolls off the tounge.

Poor Aunt Sally's dress.

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hellofacey said...

Bahhhahhahhhahha. That was fucking funny.

Amy said...

O-EMM-GEEE! W-T-F????

I am hysterical reading your interpretation of that garbage!! Oh, man I hope he/she becomes a regular commentor because that shit is gold!!!

Maybe English is their second language? Jus sayin'

Jordan said...

I bet whoever posted that comment ran it through an online translator, but good job for deciphering it.

Caron said...

I LOVE sentimentering.

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