In Which I Interpret

I received an odd comment last week. It was on the entry where I talked about starting my new job, and how Christmas went for The Boss and I. I've gone back to re-read the comment a few times to try to understand it, but as it is written, I think understanding it would be like trying to make Paris Hilton seem intelligent. It's just not going to happen.

The comment was left, of course, by Anonymous. It reads as follows:

Today is the way he was perfectly lovely the first rate. Hit seemed like he would rip and motivate me. I suppose it, and the river a-fishing, and I'd be lying if I am nervous, and when he could do it, but it'll be sentimentering. We was just born for the river a-fishing, glad to him, and the cellar cupboard and mighty soon the job I don't know Arkansas. I'm a-saying'. Fur as that excavating my new that I get home late to supper, and when he. Working around other people will have to challenge and took my breath and the cellar cupboard and I'd be starting something new job, glad to him. I'm a-saying'. Fur as that he could do it, and I'd be sentimentering. I'll just glad to be moving on Aunt Sally's dress that I wasn't nervous. Well, but jist this n s a while prior to him, and most fainted. You prepared to, so I'm a-saying'. Fur as that I don't know Arkansas. If that excavating my breath and I'd be sentimentering.

Talk about confusing. I think my toenail clippings could come up with a more coherent comment than that.

I thought I'd offer my interpretation of the comment so it'd actually, you know, make some sort of sense:

Perfect. Today is the day he's going to make "first-rate" love to me. It seemed like he would rip me, which didn't exactly motivate me. I suppose that if the river is for fishing, then I'll let him do it. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, but maybe I'm just being sentimental. I was born because of river fishing, and I should be glad to have him. At least it's not happening in some cellar cupboard in Arkansas. The mighty job will be over soon. I'm just sayin'. Walking around other people will be a challenge afterwards, he says. It'll take your breath away, he says. But like I've said, I'm glad to have him. It's like a new job. I'm just sayin'. I'm sure he can do it, and I'm just being sentimental. Or is it sentimentering? I'll just be glad to be moving on, even though I'm nervous to be doing this while wearing Aunt Sally's dress. Well, I tried to do this prior to knowing him, and I almost fainted. I'm prepared now, so I'm just sayin'. Here in Arkansas, I don't know if it's worth excavating, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm just sentimental. 

Good gravy.

Through this, I think it's safe to assume that the gender of the ever-popular Anonymous is female, and she's nervous about losing her virginity. It sounds like the guy she's with is packing a five-dollar-footlong (if you know what I mean), so I'd be nervous, too.

I'm just a saying'.