When The Boss and I first moved into our apartment in June last year, we were surprised at how quiet the building was. This was our first time living in an actual apartment building setting, with neighbors on all sides and all, so we moved in expecting the worst and were pleasantly surprised. We bragged to all of our friends (well, to The Boss' friends; I don't have any of my own, at least in real life) and to our family how quiet our building was, and how pleased we were.
As it turns out, our building was so quiet because about a third of it was unoccupied.
Our landlords finished renting out the last of the remaining units in our building a little bit before Thanksgiving, and as we watched them move in, both The Boss and I wondered how the atmosphere in the building would change. The noise level now isn't all that bad, compared to what I'm sure it could be, but we definitely miss the good ol' days.
With the increase of tenants in the building, so increases the opportunity to overhear snippets of conversations as you walk down the hallway to the laundry room, or to take out the trash, or when leaving for work. It's amazing the things I've overheard here. Either the walls in the building are thinner than most, or the people who live around us have abnormally loud voices.
Overhearing things from our neighbors isn't anything new to us, especially after the last place we lived.
This will probably look like a list of odd Google search terms, but here are just a handful of the strange, terrifying, and sometimes upsetting things I've accidentally and unwillingly overheard in my apartment building:
- "Can you reach down there and shake it for me?"
- "Shut the fuck up! I've had enough of you!" "You haven't had even the tip of me in six months!"
- "I dropped my dentures this morning." "Yeah?" "Yeah. I used the plunger to fish them out."
- "Holy shit, you're huge."
- "Take it out! Take it out! TAKE IT OUT!"
- "I don't care what your mother said. Just put it in your mouth and swallow."
- "Did I tell you about my pussy?" "No, Grandma, you didn't." "I had to take it to the vet last week."
- (Yelling to be heard over the dulcet tones of a screaming baby) "How was your day?" "Same old, same old. You?" "About the same. Starting to get a headache, though."
I couldn't make this shit up if I tried, and these are only the ones that I can remember off the top of my head.
I laugh when I think back to the time a few months ago when I thought the neighbors I had then were strange. Strange doesn't even begin to describe it now. This is either going to be good because of the blog material it'll provide, or bad because of how overactive my imagination is.
I really need to work on my selective hearing.
39 Comments:
HAHAHAHAHA! Are you sure we don't live in the same building?
Wow, makes me feel lucky to live in the place I do. The neighbors across the way can't hear us because of 3 walls between, and he neighbor downstairs has only complained about the noise once, mainly on account of him never being home.
Classic! Not having any neighbors I can even see, I don't get those opportunities. I guess I'd worry if RP said some of those. I think I drove through your next of the woods on Saturday!
I'm guessing it's less about selective hearing and more about selective memory. Definitely a 'theme' going on here. And you're right, you couldn't make this up.
-->I don't miss apartment living at all. I had freaky neighbors who used to smoke in their home and run a daycare, an old lady below me who used to call the cops whenever we had people over despite it being mid-afternoon, then another man who had lived in the same apartment across the hall for almost 30 years. He rarely came outside.
This is why my house sits in the middle of 10 acres... and I work from home.
Of course, that may also explain why I talk to inanimate objects. a lot.
Honey, you can't beat my building on your worst day, but at least you're trying. ROFL Take it in stride, ambiance is everything. I find myself tolerating a lot more stuff these days than I used to, merely because of the high potential some situations have for entertaining writing material. lol It was still a blessing when Thumpy disappeared for good though.
Hahaha! You actually made me miss living in an apartment.
HAHA!! How could you move away from that, it's awesome!?
You move almost as much as much as Amanda. (Almost)
You'll eventually learn to tune it all out.
Could be worse. When I lived in a building we lovingly called "cracktown gardens" the couple above me would have the same fight every night. It was just the two of them saying "diapers are more important than beer" over and over again. She yelling, he mocking.
I don't miss it.
Sounds like the perfect setting for a sitcom
I would KILL to overhear those conversations. Living with my inlaws has made me privvy to my FIL's upcoming colonoscopy exame this week. MIL was reading off a list of things he couldn't eat/drink last night while my FIL yelled, "THERE'S NO WAY I'M NOT HAVING ANY WINE THIS WEEK!!!"
FUCKING.SHOOT.ME.
If there's still some space, I'd like to move there.. I can't stand the noise that our 48-year-old-alarm-clock-that-doubles-as-my-aunt makes every day. She makes me get up early just to do nothing and sit around while my cousins argue about B.S.
Funny how you say The Boss has friends but you don't have any actual friends of your own. Same in our house. I have friends. Hubby does not.
We lived in apartments and duplexes and you are right, hard not to picture something when you hear what others are saying and sometimes yelling. I can see the direction your blog is heading now with lots of material handed to you!!
In my old apartment out west, I was in the bottom unit, and it always sounded like the guy above me was doing Irish River Dance at all hours of the day. Which, of course, would make the puppy bark like a lunatic, which then forced the neighbor above to stomp harder on the floor, to let me know that the dog was barking. As if at 3am I didn't already know this. I love having a house. Keep up the list though, 'cause they are some of the best lines you will never have to make up!
Oh man, I want to come visit and meet your neighbors! That's fabulous.
LOL! I had this upstairs neighbor in an old building I used to live in. He sounded like he was moving furniture around at night--he was SO LOUD! So I left him a note which made him quite upset. (Which is strange since I wasn't mean in the note). Turns out, we'd been sitting next to each other in our English Lit class for MONTHS, lol!
Oh man, your apartment complex sounds great! My building is not at 100% capacity so I don't hear conversations...but I do hear my neighbor upstairs STOMP at all hours of the night! Argh! I hear noises but not voices. One thing that annoys me is this: why is it that at the precise moment that I have to go out, ALL of my neighbors (on my floor) decide to go out too? I mean, why couldn't they leave five minutes before or after?!
Too Funny - my first apartment in San Diego was dubbed 'The Pussy Palace'......by our landlady! There was a 10 minute period when I was signing my lease that I wondered if I was actually about to sell myself off to a brothel. The line of sweat on my brow disappeared when I realized that she was making reference to the myriad wild cats roaming around the complex.
My neighbours have the yappiest little dog, or so I thought.
Until one day when I was playing in some snow I looked over the fence and there was a huge husky staring back at me, chained rather harshly to the door.
You can't even picture neighbouring dogs by how they sound these days!
I would record it, that is, only the things heard from the inside of your apartment. IF! they are loud enough to be recorded and heard, you could keep those and for odd times just play it REALLY LOUD and freak the shit out of your neighbors, lol.
Oh my gosh! I'm am sooooooooo sorry! We'll try to keep it down from now on! I'm so embarrassed!
That's even better than the real thing, baby.
I'll be your friend Badass. You rock.
Damn, you sure you didn't move into Melrose Place? I'm sure most of those comments were fairly innocuous but taken out of context...wow. Or maybe I just have a really dirty mind.
Either way...wow.
Eavesdropping is one of the greatest thrills in life! I'd definitely take overhearing hilariously warped sexytimes conversation over my neighbors' loud clarinet and electric guitar practice any day!
Apartment buildings are goldmines, I swear. I actually almost miss our old building...okay, not really.
I look forward to the blog material.
Good luck with the selective hearing thing - I never really did catch the knack for it.
You've got some interesting neighbours man! And that Grandma sounds like she should get together with your parents and their MuffNuts.
*Rolls from chair in fits of hilarity*
Adoption Of Jane: If you live in Central Maine, we just might.
Mystern: We've never had any complaints placed against us. We're pretty boring folk.
Moonspun: Yeah? Through Auburn or Lewiston?
Sandy: Selective memory... now THERE'S an idea.
WebSavvyMom: We have a couple of people in our building who rarely leave their unit, too.
Mala: Having worked from home for two years until recently, I know what you mean.
Aunt Juicebox: Oh, I'm not complaining about it by any means. It could be a lot worse.
Beth: It is quite an experience.
Jenn(ifer): We've been in this place longer than we normally stay at an apartment.
Natalie: Already working on it.
Logical Libby: I can't imagine why.
Clark Kent's Lunchbox: Indeed it does.
Amy: AWESOME.
Eissel: Sounds like a good time.
TechnoBabe: I hope to maybe make a few friends of my own now that I'm out in the general public again, but we'll see.
Shann: We lived once with someone above us, and I firmly believe that she stomped around with cinder blocks strapped to her feet.
Mrs Soup: It really is an experience.
NFTG: NICE.
Queen of Ruckus: Don't you hate those forced conversations amongst them, too?
Kittyn_uk: That? Is AWESOME.
Belle: Poor dog. Probably feels inadequate.
Jennifer Ramirez: I don't think it'd be possible to freak them out. They're pretty weird as it is.
Chris: Glad to hear it. =)
Aunt Becky: You think so?
Cynthia: Yay! A friend!
Phoenix: Yes. Wow.
That Kind of Girl: My downstairs neighbor plays video games on his surround sound system, and that gets pretty old.
Amber Page Writes: I appreciate it for the writing material, and for the roof over my head.
Nyx: Me, either... at least so far.
Mad Woman: Mmm... Muffnuts.
Feral Female: Hope you didn't hurt yourself!
Just curious, was "take it out" screamed by the same person who said "it's huge". If so, was it take it out screamed immediately after the you're so huge comment?
Oh my gosh, this is just amazing!!!! It has been a while since I've lived in an apt., but I never remember hearing anything of interest. Although living with 2 gay couples does have it's moments...
That is too funny! It makes me miss living in an apartment! It makes you wonder what EXACTLY is going on in that apartment.
OMG that is hysterical! Constant entertainment, yet quite annoying I could imagine!
I know I've been gone for little while, but I haven't forgotten! (or something) Man, as always, I wonder what our neighbors think of us if/when they overhear some of the outrageousness that gets said inside our apartment. Heh. Selective hearing AHOY!
You live in a blogger's overactive imagination dreamland!
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