Friday, January 1, 2010

In Which It's 2010

On New Year's Eve 2008, I hoped that the year 2009 would prove to be better than 2008 had been. Now that 2009 is officially over I can't really say that it was any better, but I also really can't say that it was any worse. Better to break even in that case, I suppose.

If you look back in the archives, you'll see that my first post of 2009 was a list of things I wanted to do differently in 2009. As I was reading through the list, I realized that I actually accomplished some of them. Who would have thought that would actually happen? Aren't New Year's Resolutions made to be broken?

Here is the list I made last year, and whether or not I managed to make it come true. The resolution will be in italics, and the result will be underneath it.


I will put on my pants with my left leg first, instead of my right.
I don't really know if I did this or not, but I'm assuming I did. I tend to be left-footed in addition to being left-handed. Success!

I will alternate picking my nose between my left and right index finger.
Same as above. I don't really know if I did or not, but I'll say that I did. Success!

When sitting on the couch with The Boss, I'll aim my farts at her instead of away.
I'm pretty sure that have a perpetual bruise on my shoulder from this goal, but yeah. Success!

I will shave more than once every quarter-year.
I shaved probably five times during 2009, three of which in the past 45 days. Fail.

I will ignore The Boss' pleas to not burp in the cat's face.
For the part of the year that we had a cat, I burped in it's face daily. Success!

I will say what I mean, and mean what I say.
Success!... I think.

I will let my voicemail answer calls from family members who I don't care to talk to at that moment.
Due to certain members of my family over-sensitivity... Fail.

I will sing along to music while driving without holding my cellphone to my ear so it seems that I'm actually talking on the phone, not singing.
Despite a few embarrassing moments... Success!

I will blame my lack of politically correctness on ignorance.
Ignorance is bliss, and I am on cloud nine. Success!

After dealing with asshole doctors at work, instead of fuming silently, I will page their beeper's to telephone numbers for explicit phone sex.
Although I had dozens of instances where I was tempted to do this, I valued my job too much. Until I quit. Fail.

I will not tolerate watching anything that has, in any capacity, Ms Looks-Like-A-Foot herself, Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am most proud of this one. Success!

I will not feel guilty saying "No" when my employer calls me on my day off and asks me to work.
Not once did I feel guilty, and not once did I work extra hours on my day off that I did not sign up for myself. Success!

I will stay up to watch the ball drop on New Year's Eve next year, instead of going to bed before 10pm. I had to take a nap, but I made it. Success!


Success on ten out of thirteen points. A pretty good success rate, if you ask me.

Happy New Year, everybody. Have a good weekend!


alntv said...

Nice list. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Happy New Year Geek!

Amber Page Writes said...

Those are the kind of New Year's resolutions I can live with. Good job!

Moonspun said...

That's alot of goals involving farting and are such a guy!
I fell asleep for 10 minutes at 11:40 and then violently hit RP when he roused me at 11:51 calling him an asshole....but I stayed awake after that....

Hashem said...


I joined it a while ago and it looks like a good site for passive income for us .

You need your own computer to gain from this program. You earn by showing ads on your own computer when you work with it.

I exclusivie it to you use it if you want to earn money from your online time .You can register on :

After registration an email that contains your password will be sent to your email (this email maybe goes to your spam emailes

Gaurav Kant Goel said...

Happy new year Badassgeek. Though, there is no need but I shud tell that the above comment by Hashem sucked. ;)

Jenn(ifer) said...

Great list; you're too much!

Happy New Year to you and The Boss!

Logical Libby said...

I think I will go with the shaving resolution for 2010...

Harley D. Palmer said...

Great list! Might have to make one myself to see how 2010 goes! I could tell you if I did make a list for 2009, I wouldn't have accomplished a single thing! So way to go!

dsmcaron said...

Maybe I should write a list and put it away to forget about for a year. I don't do resolutions, but that actually seems sort of fun. A good time, you know?

Captain Dumbass said...

Those were some pretty impressive goals, Badass. Congratulations. Happy New Year.

Sandy said...

Now there's a list for the ages. Happy New Year!

David Black said...

THIS is what considers a Blog of Note? Another self-absorbed Gen X/Yer's narcissistic preoccupation with the minutiae of their lives? You can have it. I'd rather rip certain people a new bodily orifice.

Badass Geek said...

Alntv: Thanks, you too!

Amber Page Writes: It was hard work, but somehow I made it through.

Moonspun: Indeed I am.

Hashem: Uh... no thanks.

Gaurav Kant Goel: Thanks. And yes, I agree.

Jenn(ifer): Same to you, and to Boy Child!

Logical Libby: Shaving sucks.

Harley D. Palmer: I didn't really even aspire to anything, either.

Dsmcaron: Exactly!

Captain Dumbass: You too, and congratulations again.

Sandy: Thanks, you too!

David Black: I mean this in the politest way possible... Fuck you.

Skye said...

Aaahh ! Well as a beginner of the whole "new year's resolution" thing, I really hope they aren't made to be broken. o_O
But you did pretty well so hopefully I will too !

Karls said...

Great success!

I really picked up my game in the shaving dept this year - might have something to do with the much warmer climate! Now, I've had to tan myself to hide the hairy legs... and board shorts have been my savior!

Melissa said...

Oh, you didnt like Hashim's offer? What WAS the offer?

Spam is pretty tasty dude.

Jennifer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennifer said...

Nice list and congrats on your success. Though I'm new to your blog, I'm sad about the fail with paging the doctor's to phone sex numbers, but I agree that it was for the best, ha!

Aunt Becky said...

Happy New Year's, BAG.

Someone Else said...

I believe I completed a good portion of your list over the past year as well lol

May have to make my own this year though

kevin said...

good stuff

Abhilash said...

It seems that you like reading Stephen king novels. and by the way, Happy new year!

Mad Woman said...

I'd say that's a pretty good percentage! Happy New Year!

Feral Female said...

Good percentage indeed! Happy 2010!

Badass Geek said...

Skye: My resolutions normally are.

Karls: I'll have to shave more often now, too. My new job sort of requires it.

Melissa: Especially in mac & cheese.

Jennifer: It would have been fun to do, that's for sure.

Aunt Becky: Thanks, dude.

Someone Else: Go for it!

Kevin: Thanks.

Abhilash: I do like Stephen King. I'm trying to make my way through everything he's written (if you couldn't tell).

Mad Woman: Thanks, you too!

Feral Female: You, too!

mumma boo said...

Happy New Year! Glad to see the new job is going well so far, too.

Anonymous said...

On New Year's Resolutions made to be caught under such blather, a bottle of pate and the lady that you may cause. She gives you look back in it was not permit you have noted her. What is officially over I made to be caught under such blather, anyway. But you look back in that would poison your daughter to bring back in it. Now that the kiss, rather than 2008 had been a half-smile and in that my first post of perfume, I was momentarily distracted by revealing a list I made last year 2009. Miss Manners prefers to madness by revealing a list of things I managed to pursue. Better to bore and heaven knows what Miss Manners has never known. The lady was any better, I was a list of 2009 is for compassion. Gentle reader: Miss Manners has no regard for you to do differently in some of your daughter to be better than 2008 had been driven to be in 2009 was making a list of your wedding.

David Black said...

"I mean this in the politest way possible... Fuck you."

Just the level of inarticulate expression I would expect from a member of the fanboy/skateboarder generation. Stephen King? It figures. Pop culture hack writer for a pop culture obsessed generation of illiterate readers.

Badass Geek said...

David Black: Perhaps I wasn't clear enough earlier. Allow me to rephrase it for you.

You are, of course, welcome to your own opinion. I only request that you keep it to yourself.

LoganTodd said...

I just stumbled upon your blog...Oh my! I was laughing so hard you had me crying! I am now a fan!

DucttapeCupcake said...

haha, i've been secretly stalking this blog for like, 2 days now, and i've decidd to finnaly post a comment.

your freaking hilarious. honestly, i don't think anything has made me laugh this hard in a long time!

EvilJoy said...

I, for one, am glad that your blog was featured on Blogs of Note. This is pretty amusing stuff. Have you peeked at David Black's blog? Holy Downer! Give me farting New Year's resolutions any day. But then again, I'm another self-absorbed Gen X/Yer who has a narcissistic preoccupation with the minutiae of my life. However, old people who are bitter with the irresponsible, ill-educated, Stephen-King-reading, skateboarding youngsters of today can still impress me since I haven't read the word "minutiae" since I took the SAT.

DucttapeCupcake: I agree! I've been secretly stalking this blog for a bit now too, and I liked your comment on David Black's Avatar "film criticism."

DucttapeCupcake said...

EvilJoy: thanks! i really don't like people who watch films and LOOK for problems.

Bloominggirl said...

LOL! Great list! Happy New Year!

Melissa said...

David Black is a douche. I read his blog. I thought his comment was douchy in nature so I was compelled.

I am a 41 year old Gen X'er. I have a younger brother who is Gen Y. We both agree that David is a douchebag. Wait, douchebags serve some purpose for those with girly bits. So lets go with someone who DIDNT get a mention. And is probably pissed off. There is no laughing at David's blog. Because he is a dick. Maybe he forgot that laughing and swearing is FUN!

Nyx said...

congrats on the sucesses. And as for the David Black blogger...bah. he obviously can't comprehend that not every moment has to pertain to something earthshattering and mindblowing.

although, the fact that you managed to burp in the cat's face every day without major bodily injury or scratched-out eyes is kind of mindblowing.

Happy New Year's dude. :)

Aunt Juicebox said...

This made me laugh out loud!
Wouldn't it be awesome if the media paid attention and would stop posting pictures of horse face on the internet? Then I could've avoided her this year completely!

photographsNwhite08 said...

I, by the way, think that you deserved to be a "Blog of Note". David (whatever the crap his last name was), should shut the hell up for sure.

I wanted to comment on how you made a list and completely forgot about it. I should totally do this one, it sounds like fun. But knowing my luck I would forget about it and actually FORGET where I put it, so therefore, it would lose purpose, lol.

Great blog, I've made it a daily thing to check it out :D

Mainak said...

Happy new year Geek! Love your blog. Your sense of humour is amazing. Would love to know your resolutions this year ;)

Mommakin said...

Hurrah for resolutions met!

Badass Geek said...

LoganTodd: Thank you! Glad to have you here.

DucttapeCupcake: Then I have succeeded. Thank you!

EvilJoy: Amen.

Bloominggirl: Thanks, you too!

Melissa: Swearing and laughing IS fun, you're right.

Nyx: Yeah, he's pretty dumb.

Aunt Juicebox: That would be AWESOME.

PhotographsNwhite08: It's all good. Thanks for being a part!

Mainak: I'm not sure if I'll be making any.

Mommakin: Hurrah!

ROOM 240 said...

Do people recognize you after your quarter year shave?

no sense of style said...

i loled

Maureen said...

Happy New Year BAG! (BTW we are Blog of Note buddies ;) ... just a few days apart.

So, what's the list for THIS year???

Geez, am I brave for asking or what?

Badass Geek said...

David Black: I've asked you once rudely, and I've asked you again politely. When that didn't work, I asked you to keep your comments to yourself. When that didn't work, I deleted your comments in hopes that then you'd take the hint. I understand that you don't like what I write here, and I really don't care about that. What I write isn't for everyone. What I don't understand is, if you hate my writing so much, why do you keep coming back?

Please, if you don't have anything constructive to say, please refrain from saying anything at all.

Melissa said...

Oh for fucks sake. GO AWAY if you dont like this blog. What is so hard about that? Jealousy is an ugly thing David. So you didnt get nominated. Get over it. I have read your blog, you are a crotchety jerk. There is a reason you dont have as many readers as BAG.

Badass Geek said...

To All: The asshole who has commented here under the name David Black is clearly a douchebag with a small dick who has nothing better to do with his time than sit at his computer and try to get a rise out of someone. I honestly don't care if he has a problem with me, I just don't much care for the fact that he didn't listen to my numerous requests to stop. Thus, all comments will be moderated until the prick in question gets the hint.

Thanks to all of you who have supported me.

argumentics said...

My god, if the small dick tells by IP I will not comment anymore!

Anyway, Happy New Year. I like your blog.

Eva O'Dell said...

I'm amazed you managed to keep 10/13. I made 1, and broke it. Here's to better success in 2010!

Ps. It's my first visit to your blog, very funny. Love it.

♪KathleeN♪ said...

ahaha hilarious!!! And love the name of your blog xD maybe you could check out mine??

Ms. Random said...

Dear BAGeek,

First, let me just say that I am HIGHLY impressed that you take the time to respond to all of your devoted readers. I LOVE that.

I am THOROUGHLY enjoying your blog! I am pretty new to checking out other people's blogs, so I was super excited to find you via Blogs of Note. (Something you TOTALLY deserved, in MY opinion.)

Thanks so much for sharing your life with us!

One last thing: Your new friend said, "Another self-absorbed Gen X/Yer's narcissistic preoccupation with the minutiae of their lives?"

My question is this: Has he read HIS OWN publishings lately? Does he know what the word narcissistice means? Just curious. LoL

(I realize I didn't use a lot of big words in my comment. Just trying to sound as illiterate as possible.)

itou16 said...

Looks like it "New Year-goals-list" worked for you in 2009. I decided to do this for this 2010. Its my first time though that I really focus on goals. hehehe

I love your blog. thanks and happy new year. bit late but yeah anyways. hehehe


Daniel Taverne said...

Hey Geek, You made me laugh with the thought of leaving explicit sex phone numbers on your co-workers pagers... that would be cool, but you'd have to do it from a public, preferably a pay phone... but you can't find them anymore accept in really poor neighborhoods and then they are broken.

Great Content here!

God Bless:

Dan (Forward Observer: Peering from a fox Hole)

Tony said...

For what it's worth, I enjoy your blog a lot. For some reason the thought of burping in a cat's face just seems so funny to me. I'm going to have to try that one time.

Keep up the good work my friend - I love your blog.

NesQuarX said...

Cool list... And good progress, I know how tough it is to shave against the million voices in your head asking you to put it off for later... Have a great 2010!

Amy said...

What is it about SJP that makes every man I know cruelly ridicule her? My husband has been trying to convince me for years that she is in fact a man!

Shame on y'all! Don't you remember her early work??? Footloose? Girls Just Want To Have Fun?

Jessica is cool, man. Cut her some slack.

Lilly P said...

holy crap this is hilarious. I am so following this blog. i do, however, take slight offense to the SJP comment. I still laughed at its wittiness though. well done sir, well done.

Phoenix said...

Awesome. And may I add, very lofty goals. Um, your burps didn't KILL the cat, did they?

And thank God I'm not the only one who hates SJP. Although I think she looks more like a very thin horse than a foot. I'll reconsider and get back to you.

Notes From the Grove said...

Nooooo! SJP does NOT look like a foot!

*stifled laughter*


But uh...congrats on all the successful resolutions!

Nej said...

Ms. Looks like a foot?? I guess I'd not noticed....will need to pay more attention next time I watch one of her flicks. Whenever that may be. :-)

Happy New Year!!!!

Scarlet Charlotte said...

I'm late coming to this party...the New Year that is, but Holy Shit! have I been setting the New Year's Resolution Bar to high. This year, like last year- a do-over, my number one is be more selfish which I'm sure I can accomplish...the rest should be annoying shit I like to do anyway like annoy the cat (check), use my husbands razor and lie about it later (check) etc.

Hopefully I can come up with enough resolutions in 2010 to be nearly as awesome a success as you have been. Happy New Year! Thanks for the laughter.

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