Friday, February 26, 2010

In Which I'm No Olympian

I don't know about you, but watching the Olympics makes me feel really bad about how little I've accomplished with my life. I sit there on the couch, eating chips from a pile on my chest, watching these people who have worked out and trained and practiced for a majority of their lives for these Olympic events, and what have I done? Nothing, short of gaining a bunch of weight and developing a guilt complex. 

I tried my hand in a couple of different sports as a kid, but I was never really cut out for it. I played flag football for a couple seasons, and I was pretty good at it, too... but when you're a stocky overweight kid playing defense, how hard can it really be? I was not so great at baseball despite my best efforts, but I still played on a team for a season. That came as a major surprise to me, considering the first fly ball that was hit to me during try-outs went right between my glove and my other hand and hit me square in the nose. 

After that, I sort of came to the conclusion that I was more suited to be a spectator. 

Every time the Olympics are on, there always seems to be some new weird sport or competition that I've never seen before. Sports that make me think, There are people who actually train for this? And there are sponsors for these athletes? It's times like those where I think that I should develop my own special breed of Olympic games, where I can showcase my unique set of skills in the following competitions:
It probably wouldn't be all that much fun to watch, but I think it'd be a blast to be a part of. Especially competitive fridge raiding. How much fun is that? It must be a guy thing, but I get this weird, perverse pleasure out of secretly eating leftovers The Boss has staked claim to just because she hasn't gotten there in time. Spousal embarrassment competitions would be fun, too, but The Boss would most definitely win the Gold medal over me. She has way too many embarrassing things to tell about me, as clearly this blog is evidence of.

What would be your original Olympic sport?

Have a good weekend, everyone. 

23 Comments:

Mwa said...

Definitely the housework avoidance dance.

Vanessa said...

I know exactly what you mean. I used to play netball...never made it on the team though. I would probably specialize in the Olympic sport of The 24h Movie Marathon.

Juliette said...

I would probably compete in Competitive Procrastination Cryathalon.
Person who achieves the panic attack first wins!

WhereForArtThouRomeo

Yankee Girl said...

Spousal embarrassment would be awesome for my husband. He would win a gold. I do so many embarrassing things and I am always so afraid he is going to tell EVERYONE. Now when I do something stupid, like trip over my own foot and fall in dog poop (like I did last week) I make him PROMISE not to tell anyone. He listens about half of the time.

soft nonsense said...

Easily shower falsetto competitions.

Heather said...

I got hit in the nose with a softball the same way in high school. Couldn't even play after that I was so scared of the ball.

Jordan said...

Playing CoD:MW2 the longest without falling asleep.

Jennifer said...

I'm decent at softball... actually played basketball for a season... not for me.

other than that...
i'm nowhere near being an olympian...

Dylan Murphy said...

They should make pole dancing an Olympic sport. Without a doubt.

TechnoBabe said...

I could probably win in the stink eye competition.
I was laughing out loud and had to read this post to hubby. Since I got the Badass Geek pin to wear everywhere I want him to know why I am wearing the advertisement!

Moonspun said...

My hubby would for sure be a competitor in any farting contest. Me? something involving being clutsy and ungraceful.

Chuck said...

Carpet Runner Dog Speed Skate!

Badass Geek said...

Mwa: Yes!

Vanessa: I think I'd excel in that one, too.

Juliette: Nice!

Yankee Girl: Listening about half the time is the minimum spousal requirement.

Soft Nonsense: Awesome idea!

Heather: I was a bit scared of it, too, but that's probably why coach always placed me in left field.

Jordan: Another good one.

Jennifer: Few of us are.

Dylan Murphy: Here, here!

TechnoBabe: The Boss would be good competition for you.

Moonspun: We'd be neck and neck in a clumsy competition.

Chuck: Nice.

kittyn_uk said...

My best friend and I created the Office Olympics about 10 years ago. We kept it going on for about a year (we worked in separate States) and we would try to outdo each other in events such as: who can go for the longest lunch without getting caught, rubberband ball shotput, extreme desk napping and team events such as happy hour at 10am. We both got the gold in several events......and I am surprised we never got fired! I wish we would have had your line up of unique 'sports' they would have been good additions!

Anonymous said...

I actually find the experience of watching the Olympics with a bowl of chips/popcorn very satisfying. Who's relaxing and eating whatever the hell they want? And who spent their whole life training viciously for one international competition?
That's right.

Vanessa said...

Damn. The Olympic organizers should really take a good long look at all the less traditional sports we have here. Then we can all be Olympians in our own special fields!

JennyMac said...

The full time work vs. life vs. fun vs. blogging relay. lol.

Sandy said...

Yeah,I've always said the Olympics were intended to make the rest of us feel totally inadequate.

Pam said...

I don't know what event I would create, but I do know that Pole Dancing is being considered as an addition to the Olympic lineup. Pole Dancing? Really? The fart-a-thon can't be far behind.

Lola said...

Well, I'm quite athletic but hardly the dedicated type. Training is for those who have nothing more fun to do ;) I'm pretty sure I could win a gold in the olympics of sarcasm without working up much of a sweat...

Seriously, though, I thought it was one of the best olympics I've seen, with the addition of snowcross and skicross. I really enjoyed watching the athletes, with the exception of Whiny Vonn Crash Alot and the tard with the tiara rolling around on the ground when she wins and then throwing a hissy and bawling like a giant baby when things don't go her way. Americans just being Americans, I suppose.

I want to marry the Flying Tomato or maybe the kid who got kicked out of Canada for letting the chick chew on his bronze medal and pretend to blow him/it. Gotta love the snowboarders!!!

Got my shirt, man, and I LOVE it! Made my weekend.

WebSavvyMom said...

Beer pong.
It could be in summer but if played outdoors in the winter, the beer would stay cold.
~deb

Rebecca Knight said...

Haha, I love this idea!

My sports:

Competitive email checking!
Endurance Mythbusters watching (I have seen all of the episodes several times each, yet always sit through the marathons. Always.)
Stuffing cats into my sweater, singles competition! (A dangerous sport)
Altoid chewing (how many can YOU chew at a single time?)
Endless rock paper scissors, couples (my husband and I always choose the same thing. Always.)

Nej said...

Don't forget competitive "See who can stand the smell the longest, because neither of us want to take out the kitchen trash" events. Not for the faint of heart...or smell. :-)

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