Dear Guy Fieri,
Hey, how's it going? Pretty good here. Just thought I'd drop you a line and see what's up. Well, I've got a few more things to say than that, considering I just watched the premiere of your new game show on NBC called "Minute To Win It". The show was pretty good I guess, but I'm just curious... how in hell did you land that job? I mean, aren't you a chef or something? You probably were looking for work since it seems that Gordon Ramsay has the market cornered for chefs-turned-reality TV hosts right now, and you probably jumped at the chance to be on the show. I can understand that completely. Anything beats sitting at home and watching Soaps, right?
I can picture it clearly. The producers of the show were sitting around the conference room before taping the first episode, wracking their brains for ideas for a hip, modern host for the show. One of the producers mistakes a misfiring neural synapse for a brilliant idea and yells out, "Guy!". The other producers look at him, not understanding. "What?", they ask. "Guy!" he yells again. "Well... yeah, a guy host would be appropriate," they agree. "No, Guy Fieri!" "Who is that?" they wonder. "You know... that guy who was a guest chef at TGI Fridays," he says. He is met with blank stares. "That chef who looks like the Boss Elf from Rudolph?" Expressions of recognition flash across the conference table. "Yes!" they all cry out in agreement.
I'm right, aren't I? Thought so.
In the search for a hip guy to host a new game show, who better than a hip guy named Guy? It's like a match made in Heaven. So what if your facial hair currently looks like you have a miniature show dog on your face? So what if your bleached-blonde and spikey hair makes you look kinda like the white version of Samuel L. Jackson in the movie "Jumper", or a less bald version of the guy who bites it in the last scene of "Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade"? So what if the earrings you wear look like they're durable enough to be used as anchor points if the need to strap down machinery comes up?
Forget all of that! You're a celebrity! You've been on multiple shows and been around the block a few times! If it's widely accepted for Lady GaGa to dress up like a fucking mountain range, it's perfectly fine for you to express your originality, even if it does makes you look like a douchebag with a Landing Strip on his chin.
I also think that now you've got one show under your belt, the producers should really consider scripting your lines on the show. Some of the things you said during the show were borderline obscene, or at the very least "That's what she said" worthy. I can't remember the exact quote, but it had to do something with being blindfolded and grabbing at balls. Just like your Friday nights, right? I kid, I kid.
All joking and sly insults aside, the show itself is pretty creative and fun. If I had a bit more pride to spare, I might even consider trying some of the games myself here at home. I'll probably tune in again next week if I'm not doing anything else. After all, I was pretty surprised that you made a pretty decent host, even if you are kind of hard to look at.
Hope this gig works out better for you than with TGI Fridays.
All the best,
Mike
P.S. Spend the twenty bucks, invest in a beard trimmer, and trim down that Yeti growing on your chin. It looks ridiculous.
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Happy Monday, folks.
14 Comments:
Best thing I've read in a long time.
I don't know Guy Fieri or Minute To Win It, so the meaning of your post totally passed me buy, but that photo of Lady Gaga is absolutely hilarious. Look at the dude behind her, glaring at her hat-thing. No, that's just too funny.
He hosts a game show on NBC? He hosts about 3 on the Food Network Channel?
When does he have the time and I have to agree, odd choice for game show host, BUT what does qualify a person to be a game show host?
Um, not sure if I was ever going to watch that show but after this, I might just have to tune in at least once.
I tried to watch that show, I really did. And then I remembered I still have some taste.
I saw the lady do the two cookies in her mouth from her forehead and I couldn't do anymore. I guess that Landing Strip on his chin, as you say, did me in.
Since I don't watch any TV I don't know the shows but I still like to read your funny posts. I can picture some of what you describe and that make me even more certain that my decision four years ago to stop the TV thing was a wise choice.
That guy gets on my nerves. ;P
The guy sitting behind Lady Gaga has to be thinking "how did I draw the short straw?" There's no way he saw any of what ever it is there were there to see. :-)
I saw the previews for the show, and it caught my attention. Looks fun and entertaining to watch. :-)
That guy annoys me. He double dips when he is tasting sauce & stuff in the pot.
And that Lady Gaga outfit. WOW just WOW.
Comedy. He annoys the shit out of me.
Even after all your very descriptive remarks, I still don't know who he is. But this was hilarious!
I don't know what it is, but I have a big crush on Guy. I didn't realize that he was hosting a new show, but thanks to you- I will be tuning in.Yummy.
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