If I were to ask, just about everyone here could probably think of at least one person that they know through their everyday lives that, for any number of reasons that they'd probably be slightly ashamed or embarrassed to admit, they admire. That one guy or girl who always seems to have their shit together, who walks around the office with confidence, who dresses with style, who always says the funniest things in the breakroom that you silently wish you had thought of. There's this one guy I know at work that fits that bill pretty much to the tee, and I'd be lying if I said that there wasn't a part of me that admires him. Not in any sexual way, of course, but rather the way that he seems so effortlessly cool in everything he does.
I, on the other hand, am the complete opposite.
I trip on the floor when I walk. I'm socially awkward and crack jokes that are really quite funny, once I take the time to fully explain it to those who stare blankly at me once I deliver the punchline (Example: A neutron walks into a bar, and asks the bartender how much a beer costs. "For you," he says, "no charge!"). I wear the same black shoes with the same rotating crop of Walmart button-downs, and confidence is something I'll always aspire to.
We're from two different sides of the track. I blame homeschooling.
More often than not, I become a bumbling idiot when I'm around this guy. I'm so preoccupied to seem smooth and cool and relaxed that my mind gets too far ahead of my mouth and I'll spout off and say the strangest things. For example, I passed him one day while on the way out of the bathroom when he was walking in. The following conversation ensued:
"Hey, man!" he said in a friendly tone.
"Hey hey hey," I replied a la Fat Albert, startled and caught off guard. "How's it going?"
"Not too bad, and you?"
"Busy, busy!" I said loudly. I sounded like a matronly old woman standing in her kitchen, remarking at all the baking she had to do. "Busy, busy, busy, busy!"
It was the first word that came to mind, and I was so unprepared that my mouth got a death grip on that one word and ran with it like the fucking wind. Luckily my little outburst happened as we passed each other by the doorway and I didn't have to face him or continue the conversation. I don't think I could have recovered from that.
I don't know why I'm like this. I honestly don't take much interest in what people think of me. So long as they don't think I'm an idiot or unapproachable, I'm good. Around this guy, though, all that goes out the window. And that frustrates me.
Please tell me that I'm not the only one who is like this. Humor me with your stories.
Happy Monday, folks.