Monday, May 17, 2010

In Which I Don't Know Why I Thought Of This

If you were to ask me how, exactly, I came up with the idea for this post, I would not be able to give you a good explanation. It wasn't some brilliant thought that came to me in the shower. It wasn't an epiphany I had while driving to work. It wasn't anything that came to me in my sleep. It's just one of those weird things that I, for some unknown reason, thought about at random, and that's the best way I can justify this post.

I was sitting at work one day recently, waiting for my next call to come in. On this particular day the call center was pretty warm and the air circulating around was stale and dry. Being a pretty big guy and prone to sweating this made me a bit uncomfortable, so I started thinking of cooler things. Like a glass of ice water, a crystal-clear swimming pool, summer rain... the kind of things a man stranded in the desert would think of. My mind eventually wound its way to ice cream (of course), and that's when it hit me.

If celebrities were ice cream, what type or flavor would they be?

Yes, you read that right. That got the ol' wheels turning, and throughout the rest of my shift I wrote down some notes about a few celebrity/ice cream combinations. And today, for your viewing pleasure, here is the result of my somewhat twisted, extremely random yet somehow fitting brainchild.

Michael Jackson / Chocolate and Vanilla Swirl


Is he black? Is he white? Is it chocolate, or is it vanilla? Your guess is as good as mine, but I think the general consensus is that it's the perfect combination of both.

Joan Rivers / Freezer-Burned Ice Cream


Remember that carton of ice cream that's been sitting in the back of your freezer since 1998? The one that has layers of ice crystals and some sort of gelatinous funk all over it? Yeah. No matter what kind of extreme measures you take, it's still not going to be edible ever again.

Perez Hilton / Rainbow Sherbet


I don't think I need to explain this one.

Justin Beiber / Bubble Gum Ice Cream


Have you ever heard people raving about this certain type of ice cream? You tell yourself that you don't need to try it, that your old standbys do the job just fine. And then you break down and try it, thinking it could do no harm... Come to find out that the ice cream is so sweet and so full of sugary bullshit that you wanted to throw it in the trash before you even finished one bite? By then it's too late, and it's left a bad taste in your mouth that hangs around for days. Screw you, Justin Beiber.

Sylvester Stallone (Rocky) / Rocky Road


I couldn't resist this one. I mean, seriously. If I had left it out, I'd be chastised for it.

So there you have it, the product of my strange and impossibly unexplainable imagination. Can you think of any celebrity ice cream combinations that I left out?

Happy Monday, folks.