Monday, July 12, 2010

In Which I Think I'm Smarter Than That

I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom over the weekend, and after I got bored of flaring my nostrils and making weird facial expressions to myself in the mirror, I started looking aimlessly around the bathroom and thinking to myself. Yeah, the trash needs to be emptied... I thought. I wonder if The Boss knows how many Q-Tips have not actually made it into the trashcan and rolled behind the toilet instead... Why do they call them sanitary napkins? Even though they might be super absorbent and leak proof, I wouldn't want wipe my face with them... That clump of hair in the shower looks like a Beanie Baby.

Pretty standard thoughts if you're a guy like me.

After brushing my teeth and rinsing, I was drying my hands when my roving eyes caught on the labeling on the package of toilet paper sitting on the shelf above the toilet. Take a look:

Whoa. Wait just a minute. You mean to tell me that twelve double rolls equals twenty-four single rolls?

Thank you so much for clearing that up, Kleenex. Thank you for enlightening me and for making me feel like I'm getting such a good deal. Thank you for explaining what the concept of 'double' is. I wouldn't have been able to figure that out myself, considering I flunked out of elementary math when I was a kid. I mean, I only have ten fingers. I wouldn't be able to count that high.


Happy Monday, folks.


TechnoBabe said...

I use an electric toothbrush and I walk all over the house doing little chores while I brush my teeth. I can't stand still just to brush my teeth.

Dylan Murphy said...

That's why Kleenex is the best brand out there. Eliminating confusion for the idiots.

ForeverRhonda said...

I walk around the house while I brush my teeth too...thinking about what I'm going to do for the day or putting things here and there. It's multi-tasking!

Bryan said...

That would be more multitasking than I'd be capable of. Walking, brushing, NOT dripping all over the house, AND thinking, ponderering, waxing on, planning, etc. I keep myself at the sink, personally, if you notice all that stuff in my house, you have to clean it up. Everyone goes around pretending they don't see any of it. At least that's what I think they're doing.

Moonspun said...

REally? That's what men think when they brush their teeth?

Queen of Ruckus said...

12 double rolls... hmm.... I didn't know Kleenex made tissue for derrieres! This is why Kleenex is awesome. That and the fact that they teach us math too.

Yeah, when I brush my teeth, i look around my bathroom and always promise myself that I will clean it thoroughly, getting those pesky q-tips that love to hide behind the toilet (you would think that we fling them about the bathroom, huh? ha ha), etc. You are not alone, Badass. You are not alone.

Walter said...

That's a bargain right there! Clever shopping. I buy the factory seconds toilet paper that they sell outside Vietnamese grocery shops. That stuff is strictly single-ply, let me tell you.

Maggie said...

I make little forts out of the Q Tips while I'm brushing my teeth. They're impenetrable! I wonder if they'd be better if they were reinforced with a sanitary napkin.

Those are the kind of thoughts I'm left with after reading your stuff. *sigh*

Didactic Pirate said...

More than the math tutoring provided by Kleenex, I'm perplexed by the presence of the puppy.
Are they saying the toilet paper is soft as a puppy? Made for use by people AND puppies? Will using it make me feel like a puppY?

Nej said...

How many people, do you think, buy that package, and then complain that there's aren't 24 rolls? They see that big "24," and that's as far as they look. :-)

lessonsinlifeandlight said...

Oh my god, Brent and I went to this graduation party at a friend's parent's house and they had that kind of toilet paper. Apparently, it's pretty much the most magical stuff on Earth because he went out the very next day and bought that exact same double roll 12-pack. LOL! You boys and your toilet paper.

Aunt Becky said...

They should teach math.

Leo. said...

If school fails, there's always Kleenix to sort kids out. I'm sure it must be some clever subliminal way to teach them math while brushing teeth.

You're the living evidence.

Badass Geek said...

TechnoBabe: I don't think I could do that.

Dylan Murphy: Good for us, eh?

ForeverRhonda: Multi-tasking! Now with extra drool!

Bryan: If I say something about it, that means I have to clean it up.

Moonspun: Sometimes, yeah.

Queen of Ruckus: Glad to know it. =)

Walter: Single-ply? No, thank you. That's like wiping your ass with sandpaper.

Maggie: You're welcome. =)

Didactic Pirate: All very valid questions. I dare you to call the customer service line for Cottonelle and ask.

Nej: And that's their goal, likely.

LessonsInLifeAndLight: Hey, it's important stuff. Kinda like deodorant.

Aunt Becky: They should.

Leo: Bazinga!

Nes said...

Hahahaha yeah totally. Gee, 12 doubled is 24? No kidding! I would never have figured that out either.

carissajaded said...

Righhhhttt? But still.. this is the first time I really thought about it... and now that I really think about it I'm actually paying double. I suck at life.

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