Wednesday, August 4, 2010

In Which I Mess Around

Have you ever been driving around and notice one of those signs that contractors put up on the lawns of the houses they are working on, advertising for their business? They always have a clever little slogan and generic clip art of some poor stick figure laboring away next to bullet points of what kind of work the company does. You see them everywhere this time of year, advertising for all varieties of home improvement or repair work.

I saw one yesterday that said, in big bold block letters, "Just Roofs."

In addition to that witty business name, there were four other words: "Quality Work. Affordable Prices." There was a phone number underneath that, but other than those six total words, that was it. I imagine the business owner to be a guy who is short on words (except of the four-letter variety), short on money to spend on advertising, and short on creativity for said advertising.

Now, maybe this is just me being me, but having a business name of "Just Roofs" is a claim that is just begging to be tested.

So I called.

After a few rings, the line picks up. There's a moment of scuffling. "Just Roofs, this is Rick."

"Hi, is this Just Roofs?"

"Yup."

"Yeah, I saw your sign in front of a house over on Dexter Street and I was wondering... Do you do siding?"

"Nope. We just do roofs."

"Ah." I paused for a few seconds. "How about painting? Would you slap on a coat or two of paint on a house if the price was right?"

Silence.

"Nope. All we do is roofs. If-"

"What about landscaping?" I asked, cutting him off. "My hedges are a mess."

"All we do is roofs. Roof repair and roof replacement. Just roofs," Rick said, sounding more than just a little bit annoyed.

More silence.

"So I couldn't get you to resurface my driveway, then?"

"No. Just. Roofs."

"Okay, then. Nevermind. Bye!"

*click*

As it turns out, that is a very apt name for Rick's business.

After I hung up on him, Rick did try calling me back, probably to yell some of those four-letter words that fill out his vocabulary at me. I let it go to voicemail (he didn't leave one), and made a mental note to remember to hide my phone number the next time I prank call someone.

17 Comments:

TechnoBabe said...

Duh, hide your phone number.

Lynne H. said...

You sound like me.. I have done something similar.. WTH, gotta lighten up an already heavy world, right? But dude, next time *67 your number...

The Shanner of Attention said...

hahahahahaha. poor rick.

RA said...

Well, I sympathise with Rick. Because I don't think you are the only one having come up with this. With a company name like that.... Rick is probably half the day on the phone explaining they do JUST ROOFS. :D

Aunt Becky said...

Dude. I only do roofs too. So Rick can POP OFF.

Logical Libby said...

Do you go into the 99 cent store and ask about prices?

Pat Tillett said...

That's a classic!

So let me see if I got this correctly. He only does roofs?

Jasmine said...

That's horrible, haha. Rick's going to stalk you now. Maybe he'll come tear off your roof!

Chuck said...

That was so good...I wish I had thought of doing that when I see all the freakin' signs in the neighborhood...feels like I am surrounded by gypsies!

But we have a "slicer" who goes out every night and hacks the sides off the signs so they are just unreadable sticks with pieces plastic on them stuck in the ground. He's like a sign Zorro!

camerabanger said...

...In which I need a roofer...
To the point. He knows what he does and probably takes some pride in it. He doesn't waste time dabbling in marginal side jobs. If I needed a roof I would call him.
Now if I need a blogger...

Badass Geek said...

TechnoBabe: A rookie mistake.

Lynne H: Exactly.

The Shanner of Attention: In some ways, he had it coming.

RA: My point exactly. =)

Aunt Becky: Hell yeah, he can.

Logical Libby: Doesn't everybody?

Pat Tillett: I guess so.

Jasmine: Lucky for me, I rent!

Chuck: That sounds like fun!

Camerabanger: You'd have to find a guy who "just blogs."

Didactic Pirate said...

Hey, the dude's got a mission statement and he sticks to it. If he'd offered to resurface your driveway, I would've lost respect for him.

Hamlet\'s Mistress said...

Poor, Rick. He never saw you coming.

Deidra said...

It's people like you who make this man's existence miserable.

alntv said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That's so awesome! LOL

Mister Oz said...

Listen here, Jerky! Don't make me come down offa this roof and smack ya around with my hot mop!!!!

Writer Ninja said...

THAT WAS YOU?!
“So I couldn’t get you to resurface my driveway, then?”
Oh, I resurface something for ya, buddy!

Just kidding Badass! I am no Rick, so I naturally thought the story was hilarious. You deserved this prank call after that man (who sounded a bit like the Darth Vader with his oxygen tank) told you to die.

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