Monday, September 13, 2010

In Which I Find Something Awesome

Has anyone here ever placed a classified ad in a local newspaper? If so, you know that they can be a bit pricey depending upon how much you want to say and how long you want your ad to run. That's why I am assuming that the following full-page classified ad I discovered a few weeks ago is more than likely an awesome practical joke from someone with money to burn rather than a last ditch effort from a seriously distraught pet owner:

If you are anything like me, you would be a little stunned upon seeing this ad. I mean, seriously. A full-page classified ad that ran on a Saturday for a missing cat? That had to have cost some serious cash, considering that a five-line classified ad in this particular newspaper can set you back nearly $100. On top of that, having it run on a Saturday during the prime season for yard sales and other events. I tried calling the newspaper to find out exactly what it would have cost to run the ad, but no one returned my calls. 

Short of the fact that these people were offering a $500 reward for a frigging house cat that had been missing for about a week, I just want to touch on a few things that make this ad awesome:
  • "He likes to go on these walkabouts - which often occur around full moons."
First off: walkabouts? What exactly does that even mean, and what does it mean when referring to a cat? Additionally, the fact that the owners of this animal happen to know its proclivity for an evening stroll surrounding the schedule of lunar activity (given that this is a real ad and not an elaborate joke) is a bit creepy. It also could suggest that little Kaden has supernatural tendencies, which could bring up a whole host of other concerns.
  • "When you see him you will know immediately. He blends into the scenery due to his markings and colors."
The assumption that a complete stranger would recognize a random cat from two grainy pictures in a newspaper is just hilarious. Saying that the cat blends into the scenery because of its markings kind of contradicts the preceding statement, but considering the ad as a whole, it's easy to look past that.
  • "Has a most awesome leopard-like cry that you can hear from a long distance off. Uses awesome leopard-like cry to say he's stressed, lonely, bored, sad, and/or hungry (all the time)."
I highly doubt that a domestic house cat would have a cry that rivals a leopard's. I've owned a few vocal cats in my time, but none of them ever came close to sounding like a leopard. Furthermore, if I heard something that sounded like a leopard in rural Maine where the owners of this cat say they live, I would first shit my pants and then call Animal Control. Also, the thought that a cat would ever be stressed is just absurd.
  • "Can seem skittish, however very friendly if approached slowly and you talk to him. Lightning fast. Likes slow moving or still people who offer food and water and talk to him."
Short of the "lightning fast" part, these particular statements could describe me most days. 

When I first saw this advertisement, I almost called the number on the bottom of the page to see if this was real or not. We've all seen ads for missing pets before, but this one is the gold medal winner in my book. If this was indeed a real ad and not a joke, I seriously hope their investment worked the cat turned up alive and unharmed.

I mean, who among us wouldn't like to escape for a few days to go mouse hunting? Sounds refreshing to me.

Happy Monday, folks.


Moonspun said...

Wow, that's serious devotion to one heck of a quirky cat. I only hope if I went missing my family would spend that kind of money on an ad for me!

camerabanger said...

Must have been a slow weekend on the "blog front". Mine was about burning trash. Just as exciting in your neighborhood, Huh?

Sandy said...

As someone who really loves her pets I can see myself putting serious money into something like this except that I wonder how many people even look at classifieds anymore. But I have to say the details are a bit over the top. But I'm sure you know lots of people get pretty squirrelly about their pun intended!

minivan soapbox said...

I like the fact that apparently this "cat" will TALK BACK if asked a question! "Hey Cat! What's the square root of 427!"

Jennifer said...

I wonder if that is a prank, I would have laughed if I saw that gigantic ad for a cat, too.

Didactic Pirate said...

Odd indeed.
But only because they didn't go far enough. I mean, come on - if you're going to invest in an ad this size, you might as well go all the way with a 2-page spread; then they could've provided the rest of this cat's description, which I assume would've included:

Likes long walks on the beach and casual dining.

Has a tendency to withdraw when he's in new social situations. But he does come out of his shell after a glass of wine, or a board game!

Is such a total Scorpio! When you talk to him, you'll see what I mean.

Cecelia Winesap said...

I wonder how much those people initially paid for the cat.

Jasmine said...

I like how they put walkabout in quotations.
He's missing, or may be on a "WALKABOUT."

Kev D. said...

I like that they casual mention that he TALKS BACK TO YOU. Not meows. Not makes a sound, but talks.

Now if you will excuse me, I have a walkabout to go on.

Shorty said...

Orangish/brown. Not orange AND brown. Not orange or brown. Orange(ISH). Nice.

Chuck said...

You have an odd bunch of neighbors up there in the north east. I would be interested to know where your investigation leads on this one. You are still investigating it right??

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Awesome ad.

If our local paper is any comparison, the ad is probably better reading than anything else in there.


The Bear Monk said...

Looking at the pictures I'm not even sure that's the same cat in both. The one on the right seems to have a more dense set of markings. Perhaps the cat ran some of them off as he is "Lightning Fast". HAHA.

Daniel said...

Hmmmm... that does seem a bit excessive...

Blasé said...

Heeeeere kitty kitty kitty!

Badass Geek said...

Moonspun: Seriously!

Camerabanger: Inspiration is wherever you can find it.

Sandy: Oh, I've loved my pets when I've had them, but I'm not sure I'd go as far as this for a cat.

Minivan Soapbox: I know! I wonder how many languages it's fluent in.

Jennifer: Totally.

Didactic Pirate: And on those long walks on the beach, he likes to make the occasional deposit.

Cecelia Winesap: Me, too.

Jasmine: As if that term is common enough.

Kev D: Hope you didn't get lost.

Shorty: Didn't you know that the suffix -ish can be added to just about anything these days?

Chuck: Uh... Sure.

Brahm (alfred lives here): Well, it was the only part of the newspaper that truly caught my eye.

The Bear Monk: That's entirely possible.

Daniel: Indeed.

Blasé: Does that technique work?

Deidra said...

So they said he has gone "missing" before and has a routine of leaving the house, yet they're shelling out a lot of money to have people looking for a camoflaged cat?

Screaming Banshee said...

this one brought tears to my eyes...hysterical, fully tears

Writer Ninja said...

The cat’s name is “Kaden”? Wow, with an advertisement like that, I was expecting something along the lines of “Prince Snickelfritz.” Oh the disappointment…

handstowar said...

I love this dude. It honestly HAS to be real! Some people LOVE their cats to the point of it being ridiculous... apparantly this is one of those people.

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