Often times, for reasons unknown to even myself, I'll find myself thinking about jobs that I would not be a good fit for. You know, just in case I ever find myself in a position where I am offered said job, I'll be prepared and will have my answer without having to think about it. Like a majority of my thoughts, this doesn't actually serve a purpose, but you know what they say about idle minds.
Here is a short list of professions that I would not be good at. I would not make a good...
... President of the United States, because I would reassign the purpose of the Situation Room from being primarily a conference room and intelligence center to a massive target practice range with strategically placed pictures of The Situation. The room would be equipped with an array of different weapons to shoot the target with (paint balloons, BB guns, watermelons, eggs, and poison-tipped darts are just a few I've thought of).
... Emergency 911 Operator, because I would be all like, "Dude, seriously? You got what stuck where? What made you think that would be a good idea?" to every caller who was calling in for help after they did something stupid to themselves.
... Podiatrist, because I dislike looking at Sarah Jessica Parker for even the briefest of moments, much less day in and day out for the rest of my career. Also because feet are gross.
... Sportscaster, because I would be unable to resist the temptation to doodle with the screen-writer thing during game play, and give close-up shots of people Hitler mustaches and devil horns.
... Pharmacist, because I would constantly second guess myself about how many pills I had counted out, and would have to recount everything that I did at least twice. My obsessive compulsive streak would make me accurate, however exceedingly slow.
... Ninja, because I would inevitably feel the need to show off my awesome nun-chuck skills and wind up knocking myself unconscious in front of my mortal enemies.
... Radio DJ, because I would only play the songs that I like.
... Daycare Provider, because I would focus primarily on trying to get the kids to do something funny and catching it on video to send into America's Funniest Home Videos instead of actually taking care of the kids.
... Traffic Cop, because I would be too tempted to just let everyone go at once, or to make everyone stop and wait for a minute to learn the value of patience.
... Game Show Host, because I have this problem where if I see someone struggling with a question and I know the answer, I find it extremely difficult to not just blurt it out. It's not because I want to be a know-it-all, it's because I want to be helpful. I promise.
Lucky for me, I'm not often approached out of the blue and offered random jobs in which I have absolutely no experience. It's probably not a coincidence that I selected jobs that I would be bad at that have relatively high levels of pressure upon job performance, either. With the job I currently have, I'm all about keeping the expectations low, or at least not too high, so I don't disappoint anyone.
After all, disappointment in the workplace is unemployment's ugly cousin.