Friday, October 29, 2010

In Which I Am Ignorant

As a guy, there are some things that I just don't care to know about. If your selective listening skills develop early enough (as mine did), you can go surprisingly far in life without learning certain things. You just sort of tune out whenever something sounds too complicated or too gross, and accept the fact that if it's important enough, you'll learn it later. Sometimes this is good approach, because we all reach an age where nothing seems to surprise you anymore, and it's nice to happen upon a little nugget of knowledge along the way. The other times, though, are another story. Sometimes it's good to not learn certain things.

In these cases, I firmly believe that I could have gone through the rest of my life without permanently committing to my brain the knowledge of a certain thing. Contrary to what Yoda has been quoted as saying, there are some things you just can't unlearn. Take, for example, some of the things a guy might learn as result of his wife being with child. 

This goes beyond the subjects of colostrum or placentas. I can handle that without feeling like the contents of my stomach are trying to jump ship. For me, specifically, I'm referring to the pregnancy term I learned this week:

The episiotomy.

Now, I guess I kind of assumed that the doctor or midwife delivering the child would have to do something to assist in a situation where you're basically trying to fit a cantaloupe through a garden hose (especially when the alternative is the "garden hose"... *shudder*... tearing), but for some reason, learning the medical term for it was absolutely awful. It put an image into my mind where there was previously (and intentionally) just blank space, and now I can't stop picturing it. 

Although learning this does give more understanding to the term "The Daddy Stitch", I still could have gone through the rest of my life ignorant of the back story and made it through just fine.

This is probably just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to learning things about pregnancy. In fact, I can pretty much resign myself to learn (and see) a lot more things that are sure to upset my stomach a bit, but that's all part of the deal, right?

Have a good weekend, everyone.

P.S. Don't forget about the Fall Season Give Away! The deadline is this coming Monday!

15 Comments:

The Tame One said...

Bahahaha!! You just reminded me of dinner with the hubs, and another couple. We were in a Ruby Tuesday (I think) me being preggo with our first child. The hubs is CLUELESS... seriously, the guy helped out on a farm and didn't know much of anything about what was coming. Leave it to his best friend to bring up the episiotomy portion of childbirth. I thought hubs was going to pass out or puke on his plate. He seriously thought it was like (pardon the mental picture here) scissors. One half in one hole, the other half in the other, and cut. o.o He almost passed out and I almost choked to death from laughing.

Ms Amanda said...

No, that is not the tip of the iceberg. It is the iceberg. Nothing about childbirth is worse then the thought of an episiotomy, except *gulp* tearing. The fear of episiotomy made me seriously reconsider ever having a baby. I've done it twice. Both times completely naturally and that was the WORST part! Except for the *ergh* tearing.
The recovery from it is no picnic either! And no, having a vasectomy later will not help you know what it's like! A row of stitches in your wife's hooha is not equal to the bandaid you'll get...

Anne Tulloch said...

I wound up having a C-section with my son. When I expressed my feeling of "failure" to my mother she said, pointing to my sister in law who had both of her kids the traditional route -

"Yeah, it could be worse. Look at Susan - you know her *parts* look like Dr. Zyborg's (from Futurama) upper lip. No Franken-cooter for my baby!"

Thanks, mom, thanks.

Skeptigirl said...

Your wife's lady bits are going to get ripped up. There is always a c-section, she could have sex less than a week after the cut, unlike a vaginal delivery that could make "reconvening the procedure" take a lot longer.

You are so right, pregnancy and child birth are absolutely nasty.

Didactic Pirate said...

Talk to me when you start discussing the mucus plug.

lessonsinlifeandlight said...

I'd rather chew on broken glass then have to swallow it than have an episiotomy. Which is why A) I'll be having my baby in a birth center where THAT is not common practice and B) we'll be taking "preventative" measures to ensure THAT doesn't happen.

There are massaging techniques you can learn for "down there" to help her stretch and prepare for birth. And be sure to research things like mother-directed pushing (where mom pushes when she feels like it and not when the doctor tells her to) and different birthing positions. ALL THOSE THINGS will help The Boss be more comfortable and avoid tearing or being cut.

Michelle said...

Having had 8 babies, all natural I can tell you that it doesn't have to be either or. I have never torn nor have I had an episiotomy. 6 were born at home and 2 at the hospital. And my babies are not small. The last was 9 lbs 2 oz with a 15 inch head. And no, sex afterward is not like the grand canyon. If it were we wouldn't be expecting #9.

Shorty said...

I've known a few women to have episiotomies. I'm scared to death of them. BUT I think if women must deal with it physically, men should at least have to deal with it emotionally. LOL I really don't think men understand the physical end of these things sometimes. But this stuff is serious to a woman, and it's freaky, and having a man who has even the slightest idea of what she's dealing with is a BIG help. You're wife will appreciate your support. You'll do just fine. :)

JenS said...

Upon confirming pregnancy, my doctor informed me that incubating and then having a baby is like allowing a bomb to go off inside your body. Afterwards, things heal up, but they are never quite the same. He wasn't wrong, but it's a livable thing.

Chuck said...

Dude, just make sure to steel yourself and watch the birth, it is the most profound thing ever.

Skeptigirl said...

I did not mean the vagina was like cavernous after delivery, it is just usually doctors recommend a repair period.

A Girl Interrupted said...

Having just had my son 6 weeks ago I can tell you.....it's no picnic. Thankfully my doctor doesn't believe in the episiotomy but I tore pretty bad regardless of massage and different push methods (10lb baby!)Glad I didn't have to see it or feel it (wonderful epidural) although that didn't stop my fiance from describing it "That was better than the Texas Chainsaw Massacre!"......So now i'm stuck with the image either way.

Badass Geek said...

To All: Even though I wrote this post, it's making me shudder. Give me horror movies any day.

Daniel said...

Gaaaaahhhh...

I dunno. I watched Saw 3D this past weekend just to see how my graphic sensitivity levels are doin'. It would seem that I've still got some things I'm still kind of sensitive about.

This reminds me... a lady friend of mine popped a kid out a few years ago, and I was at the hospital with her. I didn't get to witness the event with my own eyes, but there was some tearing that went on up in there... and even that wasn't enough, so they did some cutting... and that still wasn't enough, so they had to cut it out of her stomach. I'd have personally preferred they go the stomach route had it been me, but.. I'm glad I don't have to deal with that. Ever.

Andrea said...

I've had a baby au natural and agree, it's as bad as it sounds. It does get better, though. And I've never heard this term, "Daddy Stitch," but I can almost guarantee any IDIOT "baby daddy" who "asked" for it would probably never wet his willie again anyway. Just saying :)

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