Wednesday, December 1, 2010

In Which It Is Finally Over

The Boss and I, after three long days, are finally moved out of our apartment. I am more sore after this move than I have been after any other time we've moved over the years, and that's saying something. Who knew you could pull muscles in your thighs that stretch from the knee into your groin? 

You'll have to excuse me, but I'm lacking the cognitive powers to come up with anything else for a post today other than a list. So, here are ten ways to know you've got too much junk:

  1. When a 14-foot rental truck cannot transport all of your possessions at once,
  2. The thought of breaking into your neighbor's attic storage closet and putting some of your unwanted crap in with theirs so it means there is less for you to carry presents itself as a viable solution,
  3. Friends who help you move once won't help you move twice,
  4. You know exactly how many steps it takes to get from your vehicle to your third-floor apartment,
  5. You wish you could throw your things out the window to save trips on the stairs,
  6. Shareholder value in plastic storage bin manufacturers skyrockets whenever you move,
  7. Your 10-foot square storage unit has every inch of floor space utilized, and things are still stacked up a good two feet above your head,
  8. The sheer number of boxes you have to move convinces you that your possessions multiply at will when left alone for extended periods of time,
  9. When the people at Goodwill or Salvation Army know your name,
  10. You spontaneously lose sentimental attachment to things the closer you get to your deadline.
Every single one of those statements ring very true for The Boss and I. Sometimes I think that we're one mobile home short of an episode of "Hoarders."

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to dose up on painkillers and alcohol. 


soft nonsense said...

Number 10 is true in all aspects of life. Something that I"m learning more and more as I approach deadlines for my classes.

"Oh but this sentence is so beautifully crafted! Maybe I can just re-phrase it so I'm more on topic..."

Turns to

"Fuck it, it's gone."

The Tame One said...

Throwing things away is one of my favorite things to do. Clean that shit out!

ChopperPapa said...

The ability to selectively discard unnecessary crap should be added to the list of virtues.

Denny P 3 said...

Moving just plain sucks. We got lucky that we found a great place this time. I'm thinking of staying in this house for the rest of our lives just so I don't ever have to go through the torture of moving again. I'm getting too old and brittle to do all the work associated with moving. Keep those painkillers handy!

Marty said...

haha, we totally have the 'loss of sentimental value' of stuff coinciding with moving too!

cbs111 said...

Moving is horrendous! I will be helping my sister move in 2 weeks and she's prego so won't be doing any of the heavy lifting. It makes me almost wish I was having another one...almost.

pattypunker said...

when purging, just remember you can never have enough painkillers and alcohol. stockpile that shit.

Logical Libby said...

Next time I have to move I just setting everything on fire and starting fresh. I can't deal with that much dust.

Chuck said...

If you used a 14-foot truck you must have moved with my company. My ESOP thanks you. Sorry it was so sore-inspiring.

Daniel said...

First, I'm glad to hear that you're done. Second, I hope to never own that much stuff in my life, but I may have forfeited that with my last move. Because of a Boss-like figure.

I packed everything I owned into a Subaru Impreza 10 days ago, and moved from California to Tennessee. I sold all my big stuff to a Mexican coworker who said he'd take anything off my hand I didn't want, and I was set.

Then I got to Tennessee. My Boss owns about 20 times the amount of things that I now own, most of it bulky and large. I'm dreading the day we need to move, together.

I will feel your pain someday, Sir.

Nyx said...

at least it's over...ish?

Amy said...

Moving is the absolute worst. I find myself acquiring a nervous twitch each time I have to endure the packing up of a home. Sometimes it's just better to purge everything and start from scratch than to box, carry, and transport it to a new place.

The Lissst! said...

I look forward to catching your episode on A&E very soon. As always, very true and very funny.

kristina said...

The biggest problem when moving is going to a larger space than the one you were living in previously: you accumulate more crap, and so by the next time you move you have more crap, but more space in which to put it, as well as fill up with more crap! It's vicious cycle...

Badass Geek said...

Soft Nonsense: Exactly.

The Tame One: Oh, we will be.

ChopperPapa: Indeed it should.

Denny P 3: Painkillers are my friend.

Marty: Amazing how it works, eh?

Cbs111: The Boss felt bad for not being able to do much.

PattyPunker: Oh, it's stockpiled, alright.

Logical Libby: Good idea.

Chuck: U-Haul?

Daniel: It sure sounds like you will.

Nyx: YES.

Amy: Purging is nice, yes.

The Lissst!: Thanks!

Kristina: It really is. I hate it.

Tay Talk said...

In the last 6 years I have moved 11 times. Yes, I threw-up in my mouth a little too just then. I know all to well what it's like when everyone at the Goodwill or Salvation Army know your name. "Taylee, back again? That is 10 times just today." THANK YOU for the reminder.

The big guy asked if we were buying Christmas decorations to put up in the apartment. I looked at him, “Nope. Because when we move again in 8 months I will just have more crap to box up and haul around.”

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