Friday, August 19, 2011

In Which I've Had the Training

I realized something yesterday. Becoming a parent gives you super powers.

Before I became a father, there was no possible way I could hear a small whimper from the other side of the apartment with the TV on, the air conditioner running, while standing at the sink running water. Now, though, I've got super advanced hearing capabilities. I swear I can hear Baby Badass crying before she's even thought of pulling air into her lungs to do so.

Previously, my quick-action reflexes were questionable at best (unless taco soup is involved). Bad enough where I could be looking at someone preparing to throw something at me, and then see them throw it, and still not be ready to catch or deflect said thrown object before it hits me in the face. Since the kid has been around I'm practically your friendly neighborhood Spiderman, whether it's catching pacifiers before they hit the ground or grabbing burp cloths when the spit up is in mid-air. It borders on pre-cognition, people. Impressive stuff.

Most importantly, I've become quite adept at walking very lightly. Walking around in our apartment, which is in an old building, the floor creaks just about everywhere. When you're dealing with a baby who is a light sleeper who is teething currently, waking the baby is a mortal sin. I've mapped out invisible grids in my mind where one can tread lightly and not make any noise at all, and developed my stealth walking skills to the point where I'm pretty sure I could sneak up on a ninja. This has been proved by scaring the bejeezus out of some people I work with. Not that I work with ninjas, but that I've come up behind them when it's been quiet in the building and they didn't hear me coming at all. That's probably because I hold my keys in my pocket so they don't jingle and I don't carry change in my pockets. The rest is all quiet shoes and roll-stepping. 

So, let's recap. Advanced hearing, pre-cognitive reflexes, and ninja-like stealth techniques. I'm no expert, but I'd say that qualifies in some realms as being superhuman. 

Now all I need is a disguise. 

Have a good weekend, everyone.

P.S. I've recently joined GoodReads to help with networking and promoting my book (available on Kindle here, and on the Nook here). If you're on GoodReads, add me as a friend!


Natalie said...

Sometimes when I'm alone I hear phantom baby whimpers/cries. Have you hit the four month wakeful period yet?

Badass Geek said...

Natalie: *knocks on wood* No, not yet.

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