Friday, December 30, 2011

In Which I Come to Realize

Dear Baby Badass,

Today marks the third day I have gone without seeing you. Your daycare provider took this past week off for Christmas vacation (which they totally deserve), and with our jobs not permitting us to also take the week off, you've spent the past couple of days with your grandparents. At eight months old, this is the first time we've been away from you for more than 18 hours.

I wasn't sure how it'd be, with you being away for a few days. I knew it would be difficult, but I didn't expect it to hurt so much. When I woke up during the night these past few nights I've gone into your room to check on you, as I always do, the absence of your little snores scared me at first, but when I remembered where you were, the pain of missing you stung my heart. When I came home from work yesterday after a particularly rough day, all I wanted was to spend some time with you nestled into my shoulder and it pained me to know I could not.

From the moment you were born I've known that there was going to be times where I would have to let you go. When you take your first steps, ride your first bike, or when take off with the car for the first time on your own. There's your first boyfriend, your move out to college, and walking you down the aisle. I didn't think that having you stay with my parents for a few days would require much by way of letting go, but believe me when I say that it has.

The past few days have been a learning experience, something that I'll add to the list of things that I've come to realize upon becoming your father. That list is surprisingly long, and ever growing.

Your mother is picking you up tonight, and you'll be waiting for me when I get home from work. I cannot wait to see you, to feel my heart swell when you smile at me, and to hold you close. I just need to remind myself that letting go can be a good thing, as long as I always get you back in the end.

I love you, my child, so incredibly much.



Anonymous said...

very sweet. you sound like an incredible father.

Maggie May said...

Totally yes.

Sherry said...

You always make me tear up when you write about Baby BadAss. She's a lucky little girl.

#1Nana said...

The hardest thing I ever had to do was let my child go. At 15 my daughter was an exchange student in Spain. I went with her as far as NY. My plane from NY left before her flight to Spain. I had to walk away from her to fly home...and I cried all the way across the country. At 14 my son went to rehab. I left him at the facility and cried all the way home. They are both adults now, college graduates and leading productive lives. But I still long to have them safely tucked into their beds under my roof every night! said...

So sweet.

Chuck said...

Save this for the day you walk her down the aisle. Nicely done. Happy New Year!

Badass Geek said...

Anonymous: Thank you!

Maggie May: Can't read about this in a baby book.

Sherry: I hope she'll think the same when she gets older.

#1Nana: My parents say that, and I see where they are coming from now.

MakingMonkeySoup: Thanks.

Chuck: And to you, sir. Thank you.

Moonspun said...

Trust me, this feeling will never change. No matter how old baby is!

kristina said...

My baby is almost 3 and while I enjoy the freedom of not having him underfoot while I get stuff done when he is staying at grandma and grampa's for the evening, I miss him terribly at bedtime as well.

I don't know if I could take 3 days...

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