Friday, January 20, 2012

In Which I Reheat It

(Originally posted here.)

When The Boss and I are on long car rides, we generally talk instead of listening to music. It keeps me more alert, and it keeps The Boss from channel surfing on the radio, trying to find a station that isn't playing a commercial. Earlier this week, while driving the hour-long trip back home from an appointment, The Boss and I got to talking again. 

By some strange evolution of subject matter, we wound up talking about how product development companies often make the strangest foods portable, and give them the strangest names. I mean, Go-Gurt? Who needs to eat yogurt on the run? Was there a large outcry from the general public requiring the need for natural digestive enhancements while commuting to work? I know the product is aimed towards kids, and that is probably the only reason it sells. A product with the consistency of snot would only be consumed by the demographic of people who still routinely excavate their noses and eat their findings, anyways. 

Throughout the rest of the car ride home, The Boss and I came up with some ideas for a new line of portable food items. After reviewing them, though, it became clear that these products probably wouldn't make it past the drawing board. Take a look: 
  • Taco Tubes
  • Chili Bites
  • Fish Mix
  • Soup Roll-Ups
  • Sloppy Go-Joe's
  • Pasta Pockets
  • Pack-A-Rack o' Ribs
  • Clam Chowder Chewies
  • Buffalo-Flavored String Wings 

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to see any of those things individually packaged and for sale as a portable food. Some foods are fine to eat on the go, but some foods shouldn't be messed with. Calling Hot Pockets a pizza product is blasphemy, pure and simple. 

As gross as some of the above items might be if actually produced, it was fun thinking them up. What kind of made-up portable food can you think of?

Have a good weekend, everyone.


Poke The Rock said...

Stew-on the go would be nice...sometimes you just want some nice stew.

I am quite interested in the pasta pockets tho.

Chuck said...

Porta-Potpie...the best ever!

Eva Gallant said...

The part about GoGurt being the consistency of snot....ewwwww! (I don't like yogurt anyhow!
How about Portable Peas, Gazpacho to Go?

Professor Splithead said...

Soup Rollups does have a ring to it. Like the Porta-Potpie idea too. How about Cantaloupe-on-a-Rope?

heavy hedonist said...

Shark sticks?

The Twisted Tine said...


I could go for some Taco Tubes, though... I'd totally eat some.

Badass Geek said...

Poke The Rock: It might be good.

Chuck: That brings to mind some awful images.

Eva Gallant: Both good ideas.

Professor Splithead: Cantaloupes are slippery.

Heavy Hedonist: I like it.

The Twisted Tine: If I come up with a recipe, I'll let you know.

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